My "Never Give Up" Miracle

"Faith is when you believe in something that common sense tells you not to."

-Miracle on 34th Street

I have a whole list of blogs for the new year. I've been waiting them out, trying to finish up and plan and prepare for the new year. Holidays were a very rough time for me this year. Actually, it was the first time holidays were rough in 25 years. I'll do a review of 2013 I guess, because we have to accept our lessons, faults, mistakes, as well as the successes and accomplishments, and fun times. But once again, I was reminded of something very very important that I hold true to my heart.

You see, I always wanted to be the person in life who never gave up on people. I have many reasons why I wanted to be this way. One is because I really do believe in the good of people. I want to be the kind of person who finds the good and doesn't look for what a person's angle is or interpret intentions or read between lines, because in my experience those who do that are most of the times, if not always, wrong! I had a Goku-kind-of naive sense in trusting people with a dash of Rose Nylund simple minded perspective that took things very literally. I loved that about me. I also wanted to be like Dumbeldore where second chances were unlimited. He never gave up on people who yearned to better.

I also realize that sometimes people who struggle in life are never given the chance or opportunity to move forward. And all it takes is ONE person to believe in them. My greatest strength was when people believed in me when I didn't believe in my own self. I also hate people telling others they can't do or become something. So I become the biggest fan and if I am the ONLY person to believe in that person, then fine but I won't give up. I'm not saying there aren't times I won't get angry or upset and want to give up. Sometimes I even say I will, but I don't. I don't have it in me because I don't want that in me. It's not who I am. 

I can't begin to tell you how many times people have told me "Give up on that person!" or "They'll never change!" or "No one cares, why should I?" or "You're wasting your time, there's no one like that." and even "Kindness is dead in the world. There is no hope."

You know, it's one thing to SAY "There's always hope," and then behave otherwise.

For over twenty years I was very much like this. But the last couple of years, I lost a bit of that. I guess my sense of self was beaten down a bit, and I know I allowed that to happen, no one else. I have taught and helped many people to build up themselves, but that doesn't mean the ones teaching don't have to continuously put it into practice, and fall off the band wagon. But this was a very big part of me. And I was losing it, and I knew it.

Someone I knew always said "People are always out for themselves. There is no more good in the world." And I refused to believe that. But the more negative experiences I was having in my life, the more trials and tribulations, the more hurt and sadness, the more stress and anxiety, I began to feel that way too. And I was very torn. Then last year I wrote a blog about a time I went to visit my friend Nina and was stuck at a toll booth with no money for the toll and I felt embarrassed and upset. I turned to my right and a man pulled up with two quarters in between his thumb and forefinger asking if I needed money. He gave it to me and drove away.

It brings tears to my eyes to even write that little paragraph of a story because I remember the tremendous gratitude I had for that man who I never knew his name, never knew before, and don't even remember his face. But I remember the gratitude he made me feel, and it's that moment I try to hold on to, to say "You see! There IS good in the world!" and hold onto it tight. Well I didn't hold on tight enough.

This second half of the year was horrible for me. I really cannot wait until it is over. I took off the last week of December but had done really NOTHING to enjoy myself. And I ended up working, doing errands, or things for other people. So Saturday I decided to go to the movies. I went alone. I brought my bookbag with me which I usually do, and I enrolled in the Stubs Club with the movie theatre and it earned me a free popcorn. I don't usually buy movie theatre popcorn because it makes me sick to my stomach. But I figured, I haven't had it in a long time and it was free. What the hell!

I went to see two movies, and during the second movie, sure enough I was getting sick to my stomach from the popcorn, and I had a splitting headache from NOT having coffee that day yet. So I took out my essential oils from my bookbag and kept the case out in case in needed them, which I did. They did the trick, but I wasn't going to a third movie because the headache was getting bad. So I left the theatre and went to the Dunkin Donuts downstairs and bought my extra large coffee with French Vanilla creme and sugar. From there I went to see if Samantha Volk was working at Crumbs Bakery (she was not). Then I walked the mall a little drinking my coffee and bought a Yankee Candle for 50% off.

When I got to my car leaving my heart stopped: Where are my oils?! Not only my oils, but something else very important in the case. I was frantic! I ran back to the movie theatre, checked all theatres, the bathroom, guest services, Questioned and interviewed all the cleaning crew, left a report, went to Dunkin Donuts and searched. The woman remembered the oils being with me. This was helpful! She looked at her security cameras. There I am WITH the oils! Good! The hunt was on! I went to Crumbs and Yankee Candle shop. Nothing. I went back and forth, security office, I did everything I did but file a police report, because by the time I finished my searching, I could have watched TWO more movies at the theatre. There is no way the case was not TAKEN because I did not stop or stay anywhere long enough for me to just leave it someplace. I must have thought I put it back in my book bag at crumbs.

I was devastated. I was angry. I was so upset. At one point, I sent a text message to my closest and most respected friends. I told them I was in trouble and needed prayers of good faith, Qi blasts, positive thoughts, calling upon angels, you name it. My phone also died during this search because my new phone doesn't keep a charge. There I was in front of Louis Vuitton praying to St Anthony, praying to the angels, praying to God, sitting on the chair with my hands clasped together, fighting back tears "Please help me find what was lost but now be found..." I went home empty handed Saturday night.

Many people said "Someone took it! You'll never see it again now." Some said "It's a shame people would take like that." I also got "Why did you have them out in the first place!?" and "They're long gone by now. It'll take a miracle to get those back."

All I kept thinking was, yes a miracle is what I can use. A miracle is what will happen. As the anger at myself built up and the more upset I got, the more I wanted to agree with all these people. I wanted to feel "People are out for themselves and go out of their way to hurt people", etc. But then I stopped. I said another prayer, asked for patience, and began showering compassion and forgiveness to whoever had the case. So I remembered all the people praying to Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. So I posted on Facebook my need for prayers and positive thoughts. Not a boo hoo me I lost something, just asking for positive and good. I believed God needed more than just my voice.

I wanted to believe that there really are good people out there who would find it and turn it in. I thought of the oils and the important thing and I visualized them in my hands with gold light. "Please God, I know there is good in this world. Please let me see that light of good I believed in so much.."

There was not much I could do Sunday, and I inquired a bit further this morning and the security camera did show someone leaving with my case BEFORE I even left the bakery. I was stressed and upset. The oils themselves are expensive and important, and the other item of importance was stressful in itself. I came to work today on my day off, to get a head start on a few things, had a private lesson, and a couple of hypnosis clients. During one of the hypnosis clients, a number came up on my phone but I couldn't answer. It was a south Jersey number. When I was done with the client I returned the phone call.

It was a construction worker who was working on the mall's parking lot. He said he found the case of oils in the parking lot by the Neiman Marcus (which I was no where near that day). He brought them to the security office who would not take them, only items left in the food court (they told me the same thing) and to go to the store manager. But he wanted to make sure the rightful owner had it. He was already back on his way home, but I kept his number and we agreed to meet in a public place at the mall. He will hold onto the case for me until we meet tomorrow. I don't know if everything will be there or not, but what means more to me is that one person, ONE person did find my oils and did the right thing. That's all it took for me to know that there IS good in people and it's very much alive. That is a comforting thing in itself. And it gives me a boost to continue believing when no one else does. To continue never giving up on people. To never lose faith for "Faith is when you believe in something common sense tells you not to."

This construction worker was a hero today, not because he found my belongings (which I still don't know if I have everything in the case yet), but because he represented everything I believed in about people. That was a gift in itself.

You see? Prayers work, especially when we pray together. There IS good in the world. There IS good in people. NEVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP ON PEOPLE! I would consider myself a damned fool if I ever gave up on someone. I don't give up on people not because they deserve it or not, not because I am thick headed, not because I am a hopeless romantic, not because I hope to be right, not because I cannot let go, because my FAITH is stronger than anything else! It's the best bullet proof armor I have. I love people, and my love for people will never die within me. I'm like the kid in the movie The Polar Express. I still hear that little bell ringing when no one else can. People may think I'm crazy, but I KNOW it's ringing, and I hear it. So I ask of all of you, don't give up on people. Because sometimes, that's all someone needs, ONE person to believe in them when no one else will.  (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

What Makes Me ME

There are so many things about us as individuals that make us who we are. Sometimes it's traits, phrases, personality-isms, well known likes, etc. There are some sayings that I have that anyone and everyone I have ever been with or taught mock me all the time. "I KNOW!" "It's Exciting!" "Nothing is sacred anymore!" "You think it's easy?" "FINE-AH!" "Three....Fawh...Five.." "I love going to New Yawk!" "You'll miss me one day!" "OH..My..GOOOOD" "Angawda!" "That's what you said? That's where I heard it! I was just making sure you were paying attention!"

Sometimes it's mannerisms such as facial expressions or sounds we will make. Something I love about myself that makes me ME is how my laugh is the loudest one in the room! I love that kind of trait of myself. I tell a lot of stories, and I repeat a lot of them as if I never told it before. Some people are polite and hear them again, some go crazy of my repetition of stories, and some love hearing them over and over again, whether it be a Sifu story, a Jessie story, a high school story, or a Grandma Cyn story.

Sometimes our likes and dislikes we are remembered for. I am sure ANYONE who ever heard the I Love Lucy theme song or sees an episode of I Love Lucy will think of me IMMEDIATELY! If anyone were to see a Mickey Mouse, I am sure I'd be the one to pop into their head. If someone heard Christmas music playing or a Celine Dion song, I am sure my picture would flash across their mind. If someone who knows me was having dessert and they read cheesecake, I'm the one they think of. If there is pasta on the table, I'm the one they're reminded of. And of course anything martial arts related I'm the first in line in their thoughts.

I love to take pictures. I love watching movies of all genres. I love television shows. I love Broadway plays. I love Harry Potter. I love the Yankees. I love Leonardo DiCaprio. I love Jennifer Aniston. I love adventures. I love cooking. I love Chinese food. I love pulled pork. I love coffee. These are the things I love and when I am enjoying them, I am being me.

But the truth is, none of these things really make up who I am. What really makes us who we are, are the values we live by. Sometimes we have a hard time following the rules we place for ourselves, but the fact that we have established them in the first place is big. Our choices, not our abilities define who we are. We are constantly making choices, we are constantly changing, we are constantly feeling and thinking. We fail sometimes, we make mistakes, but the core of who we are is truly the intentions of our values. Sometimes our behavior does not match. But behaviors come and go, some long term, some short term.

In the end, do the things you love because they remind you of what brings you love and enjoyment in life. When you are doing those things, it's easier to be you. It's easier to remember your goals. It's easier to remember who you want to be. I am happy to be me. And so should you. (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

The Best Part of Me

This is my cousin Samantha. There is over a decade between us, but she has always seen the best things about me. Ever since she was a little girl, she always hung on me shoulder, dance on my feet, play hand games, massage my back, and laugh at anything silly I would do. She always made sure that I knew that I was loved. I have had many months of cleansing, purging, and soul searching, I went to several family functions during this time and saw her at all of them. And along with Samantha and my other younger cousins from the age 10 and under, we would laugh like no tomorrow and joke. I remember a time when I was able to do that with everyone I ever came in contact with. But I began to doubt myself, whether I was still able to be that guy I liked so much.

I loved being able to be insightful with people, but I also loved laughing with people, I loved being silly, I loved making people feel good, and it made me feel good when people acknowledged me for being that way. It had been a very long time since I felt I was that way, and I missed behaving in that manner. But Samantha always made me feel somewhere inside, I was still that guy people enjoyed being in the company of, made laugh, gave insightful thoughts, and was just fun to be around. I allowed myself and other people to make me think I wasn't that way anymore. And what happens is, only the ones closest to you or the ones you're most around are the only ones you will listen to and believe about yourself.

But we cannot forget that the best parts of who we are are always inside of us, and some people who get to see that never forget it and can remind you. Samantha always sees the best things about me when she sees me. I wondered, is it just naive love for her big cousin? Or was I really that fun loving cousin she always would see at the family functions? I kept saying, I really wish I could see if I am or could be that person I once was. But then I reflected a little bit and was surprised at what I found.

This is me and my two grandmothers from either side of the family. I am very close to both of these women. I love them so much and am so lucky I get to spend time with the. When I am with them, I always feel loved and we laugh like there is no tomorrow. My brother Thomas received his Confirmation, and I was told that I was very pleasant to be around, I was making people laugh in the church, I plopped myself with the senior citizens table where I wanted to be and refused to move my seat because I was having too much fun with my grandmothers and grandfather. As I look back, I really felt I was that fun loving person making all the family members laugh and enjoyed our time together.

I went to a 50th birthday party earlier in the month and I was really still not myself and felt tense about going. I was in a miserable state of mind, but the party was for someone I greatly respected and I wanted to go. When I went to the party, I got to see some old faces who I haven't seen in years! They were bringing back memories and moments that even I forgot about. They were telling me how much fun they used to have with me and miss the old days. On the inside, I was very depressed, but on the outside, I was outwardly enjoying myself, laughing, and having fun. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was how I used to always be. I didn't care who was in the room, I danced and shook my hips, I made silly corny jokes, I even stood on a chair to one of my favorite songs as you can see Robert and Sam looking at me like I am crazy above. But that's who I used to be, the guy just having too much fun to care and dancing on tables!

This is a family friend of mine named Shayna. She is more of a sister to me, that's how long we have known each other. For twelve years, we have a tradition of going down to Long Beach Island, New Jersey for the annual Chowder Fest, where restaurants from all over compete to see who has the best chowder, and we always have the same house right on the beach and laugh and eat and drink. I always have an incredible time when I go, it is such a highlight of my year, but for some reason this year I particularly enjoyed myself and the company I was in this year.

As sad as I was on the inside, I was very happy on the outside, but I felt this year out of all dozen years I utterly had a pleasant time, and felt that the same enjoyable experience was reciprocated with the people I was with such as Shayna and her sister Carly, and other people with us. I remember laughing so hard and making them laugh so hard, not trying to, just being myself. I went to a Halloween party with them not too long later after and I felt the same way. Happy, silly, and funny, and people would comment how nice it was to see me and be around me. What means more to me than hearing that is hearing it through laughter. And I'm not trying hard to be funny. It made me feel good, but when you get to a certain depressive state, your mind and body gets nervous. Almost like a "is this a real thing happening now"? You question whether you're really being that person you love to be, when you haven't felt that way in so long.

There are some people who believe so. This is Sensei Cara Parmigiani above with me on Thanksgiving rolling around on the mats. I'm not much of a grappler, and don't know much ground martial arts, but I had fun rolling around and even allowing my hair to be messed up in the process! (that's big). Even in a choke hold on the ground, I still achieved the priorities of giving her bunny ears LOL! But even in my most depressive moments, she had found me to be fun and enjoyable to be around. She is a very new character in my life and it's kind of hard accepting when people say you're fun to be around with because that little voice in the back of your heard says "Oh well they don't really know you, the one's saying the negative sh*t know the real you." Isn't that sad that we do that?

But truth be told, we can always bring forth the best part of who we are. Sometimes we are reminded and bring it forth ourselves. Sometimes other people bring it out of us. Sometimes we are thrown into a situation where it is forced out of us. Sometimes we have to renew it, recreate it, or make something better. But the best parts of us are ALWAYS inside of us. They never leave. They never go. Shame on people who believe good parts of people die .

I always wanted to be like the character Goku, from the Dragonball series. It was the only martial arts cartoon around when I was a kid. Goku was pure of heart, had no agenda in his life other than to train and love his family and friends. His purpose for strength and power was to protect the ones he loved. And he always had a knack of changing the hearts of even his most fierce villains in the series to where they became friends and main characters in the show. I was always wanted to be like that. I forgot about that. I forgot where the trait of never giving up on people even though everyone else has came from. But what I didn't realize is that people don't always reciprocate that trait.

In my worst moments of depression, my behavior is controlled by anxiety. There are many forms of anxiety, but the ones who experience the higher levels of anxiety to the point where they do not know what they are doing occur cannot truly relate nor understand unless they have been there themselves. Most people's hearts and minds are not open to understanding either. Judgments and grudges cloud it understanding and it's a great shame. When I dealt with not only the depression but the massive anxiety, and very much a great deal of it alone, it was almost impossible to think I would ever be the same, especially when others did not believe.

But I never lost who I was on the inside. And as I went through the process of self-enlightenement, a process most people don't have the courage to go through and would rather run away, the best parts of me were emerging and I didn't even realize it. Every Halloween I would dress up for my students for our Halloween party and I would be creative and surprising, many would only sign up for the party to see what I would dress up as. I used boxes of tin foil one year and wrapped myself in it, being a baked potato. I pinned slashed cereal boxes on me and was a "cereal" killer. I pinned barbie dolls on me one year and had a huge magnet and was a chick magnet. I dressed up as a women on year and was MISS TRENTO. Some of the students' fathers were slipping me their phone numbers LMAO! This year I was a Native American. Random and unexpected. But the laughs were there. I made jokes about using the wig from this years costume next year to be Cher! My father was so proud -- NOT! LOL!

So what are the best parts of ourselves? Whatever we want them to be! I forgot the wonderful things I would be like. I remember wanting to be a certain was, and was so happy when my behavior was exactly that and everyone knew it. Is it ego? Sure it is. But there was nothing wrong for wanting to be this positive self-image. And there is a type of energy that goes around with it. And unless people are purposely resisting, you can feel it.

I am so happy to say that the best parts of me are here again, and they're here to stay. As a martial artist, I have planned out my schedule and routines for training for the next year and are beyond committed to them and excited and setting goals. I am always happy when I am making goals and plans and even MORE happy when executing them. And I am! I love studying and reading the things I love on self-esteem, positive thinking, the law of attraction, and spirituality and using them and sharing them. I love that I can be around anyone I know and new people and people feel the warmth and laughter that I come with. I love walking into a room and having the loudest laugh in the room, and constantly repeating my jokes and stories because I don't remember telling them the first time. I love being quick and witty and old soul humor.

I love training and eating right. I love having massive amounts of energy that even people who would be overwhelmed by it enjoy the company. But it means most to me when my closest friends and even my family members are gravitated to it. It's interesting to be so clear and aware once again. The real test is if the ones closest to me see it and feel it. Regardless, I am grateful to the ones who never gave up and always remembered. It's good being the best part of me. =D (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO