Truth Behind Maturity

"Maturity is not measure by age. It's an attitude built by experience."

-Unknown

These are one of those topics that will forever come up because it is always thought provoking, there are as lot of opinions about it, and it comes with several following lessons with more and more experience. What is maturity? There are many levels to talk about maturity. But what is the essence of being mature? Is it just when our body fully develops? Is it when we understand the world in an effective way? Is it just a behavior?

First note, in martial arts you are taught whether you realize it or not the value of humility. I had the great opportunity of beginning martial arts training when I was very young. But as I have grown up with martial arts and proper upbringing, I have been taught something that always stuck with me: if you have to say it is so, then it is not true. For example, when people HAVE to say (and often repetitively) "I'm a very bright person" or "I worked really hard to get to where I am today" or "I'm very mature for my age" and even "I've been through a lot", it usually means you wish you did and need to say it for attention seeking.

I'm not saying that is 100% the case, however, in several, if not most circumstances that is exactly the case. The brightest people I know never have to say they are bright. The most hard-working people never talk about how hard they work. The most mature people I have ever met never had to tell me of their maturity. And the ones who have been through hard times never advertise it. Now I'm not saying they NEVER talk about those things with their closest inner circle or voice it with their best friends, but when coming in contact with others, if it's true you then you don't have to say it. It's more of a way to convince your own self of it's validity and to seek the attention and validation of others to be accepted.

I find true maturity is upholding that humility by just being without advertising. Here's the flip side to make you think: Are vain people then not mature? Of course that is not true either! The fictional character, Mary Poppins, was very vain but indeed quite dignified and mature.

When we go through adolescence, our body matures. When we go through those changes, we suddenly think we are mature in the mind as well. Not true of course. However, some instances it can be as well. A lot of duality when it comes to maturation. When I was 12 years old, I looked like I was in my twenties. Actually, I look exactly the same now as I did when I was 12. SO I was physically mature, yes. My behavior was also that of a person of maturation. I worked and interacted with adults several years my senior and knew how to communicate and behave. I was always told, for those who knew my age, I was mature beyond my years.

So my body was mature. My behavior was mature. Even my insights were mature. I was told I was like an 80 year old man talking sometimes. My interests could even be mature. Sit me down with a group of older generation people and I could talk history and culture of their time with the best of them! But did all these things really make me mature? What is the real essence of being mature?

The truth behind maturity lies with the experiences that impregnate themselves into our psyche, emotions, and values. The truth is, your real maturity comes when you have the proper, or I don't want to say proper because that sounds too subjective, but maybe effective experiences would be a better way of putting it, that is when real maturity comes through. The problem is, there are other adults who have the maturity under their belt, and they suffocate their children and students and not allow them to open safely into the world to have the experiences to fully mature. This can cause people to never mature ever, not mature until they are very late in life into adulthood, or mature too soon, missing out an just as important light-hearted experiences for the spirit as well.  

"Maturity is not when we start speaking BIG things. It is when we start understanding small things."

-Unknown

I have taught teenagers for a thousand years, give or take a day or two =P. I have worked with teenager who I believed to be very mature. They looked mature, behaved mature, but when the real meat and potatoes had to be dealt with, they could not handle it because they were not mature. They didn't know how to discern their emotions, unable to sympathize or empathize, did not know appropriateness whether it be time, words, or responses, and those kind of expectations are unreasonable when dealing with true maturity.

I have also met adults whose responses are surprisingly, and sometimes alarmingly childish. Their choices are almost self-sabotaging because they were sheltered or not nurtured to have the appropriate experiences to mature in a way they can function in life. And then of course there are those kids, or even adults, who are so mature because they DO have the experiences but way too soon in life, that they don't know how to love, express emotion, or take care of their selves in a healthy way. They self-sacrifice or people-please, they never make time for fun and entertainment, and they view it as a waste of time.

Time is an interesting thing. My Aunt Karen always told me time allows us just what we need. The time to act, the time to change our minds, but never stay in place too long, or you find yourself getting stuck. But part of true maturation is experiencing all the good and all the bad in an effectively learning way. Have you ever been told to learn from your mistakes? How many people were actually given the proper nurturing to know that there are lessons in all that we do and in all our experiences? Instead, teacher, coaches, parents, and even friends just label bad and good. And this can be detrimental to the developmental processes as human beings.

"Perfect maturity is when a person hurts you, and you try to understand their situation and don't hurt them back."

-Unknown

It is never too late to mature! Whether you're a teenager, or an adult, but it can be too soon if your a child. As human beings, let us just remember to not limit people's experiences, but also be mature enough ourselves to not give too much experience too soon. Let us always provide and create an atmosphere that is safe and comfortable to allow experiences to flourish, and to continually support as much of the mistakes and mishaps as we do in the successes and accomplishments. That is where the yin and yang of finding true maturity. It is our obligation as human beings to be beacon of lights for others. Because whether we like it or not, that is exactly what we are. (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

Mastov the Black Belt

Edward Mastov, Rockaway Fight Center's first Haganah Black Belt with Master Samuel DeJesus

I'm still catching up on a few blogs. But this is one I know I most definitely wanted to write. A couple years ago or so, I had the opportunity to see a Haganah belt test at Rockaway Fight Center facilitated by my personal mentor, Master Samuel DeJesus. When this past year he told me that he was going to be having his first student test for Black Belt in Haganah, I knew it was an occasion I couldn't miss.

I not only wanted to see it because of the occasion, but I also knew the person testing. His name is Edward Mastov. I have had the opportunity to work with Mastov in my own sessions with Master DeJesus, classes I took at the school, and seminars I have participated to learning the self-defense art of Haganah. Mastov is yet another great embodiment of what a Black Belt should be.

Nothing stops him. He faces each and every challenge presented to him. He pushes himself beyond his limits. And he also keeps a light heart, which in my book is such a key thing to have no matter how fierce a warrior you are. And this Haganah test is no joke.

The art itself is very militant, founded by Mike Lee Kanarak who I had the privilege of meeting in the summer. It is a very physically demanding test and why wouldn't it be? Ever hear of bootcamp? If you went to any type of military bootcamp is required, therefore you better prepare as if you were in bootcamp. Most outsiders seeing this test would find it very brutal, even barbaric. And I absolutely love it! Why? Well as in any martial arts there is a physical and mental side to thing. You are testing your physical limitations beyond ways you ever imagined, which is something you would want in any test. But also in martial arts it is the mental preparation that gets you through those physically challenging moments.

You are being beaten down mentally too, and if your mind and emotions are strong, your body will follow even when you want to give up. It's all about WILL. Your willpower develops more and more as you are challenged more and more. Besides an astronomical amount of conditioning exercises such as burpees, squats, leg lifts, push ups, sit ups, and more, Mastov had to demonstrate all his combative striking abilities, engagement drills while being pummeled on, he had to do several rounds of sparring, and demonstrate ALL of his Haganah material which would include open hand street scenarios, gun scenarios, knife defenses, knife on knife fighting, ground survival, and pistol training.

I was inspired to see Mastov go through this entire ordeal, and at the same time I also began fantastizing if I were ever to take this test. Part of me feels unsure of whether I could handle a test like this, and another part is very excited about the idea of taking a Haganah test. But here was a man achieving his Black Belt in Haganah! What a milestone! I'm unsure of whether Mastov ever thought he would make it to Black Belt, but can you imagine the multiple levels of this type of testing and material he had to go through and know before reaching this point? It is honorable and awe-inspiring. I know Master DeJesus was very proud of his student.

Mastov, I know it's been a while, but a well deserved congratulations to you sir on a fantastic job on your Black Belt test in Haganah. I hope one day to perhaps reach the same level one day in my future. You are an inspiration to all your fellow students and made every at Rockaway Fight Center and us extended family very proud! You represented your master so well, and everything a Black Belt of any martial art is all about. Well done, sir, well done.  (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

Olegna's Birthday

Olegna Fuschi and her son Anthony Aibel

I've been meaning to write this blog for a long while now. One of the most gracious and spirited souls I have ever come to know is my very own cousin Olegna Fuschi. Olegna is actually the first cousin of my grandfather on the Trento side. Some may ask, how do you say her name? Like this: Oh-lay-nyah! The story goes my great-great uncle always wanted to have a boy and name him Angelo. When he finally had a child of his own, it was a girl and so he named her Angelo backwards. Hence the name Olegna was born! At least that's the story I have heard.

Olegna is a world renowned pianist. She has played countless of concerts, worked with other renowned musicians, I saw a picture of her and one of my favorite composers Robert Shaw together, and her son Anthony has worked with him as well. She has also even taught at Julliard for a period of time. Growing up, I would see Olegna at a few family gatherings and holiday parties. But after our first Trento Family Reunion in 2004, we got to see a lot more of Olegna. And we are all the more blessed for it.

Olegna is very sharp. She is very dignified. Olegna has a lot of class. But she is also a great deal of fun. She knows how to laugh and have a good time. Her spirit is strong and full of energy. It is always a wonderful time when you are with Olegna. She has a fantastic sense of humor, a plethora of knowledge, wonderful insight, and a beautiful laugh. Olegna is an important part of our family and we are all privileged to be in her company.

This past summer, we all got together at her son's house is Connecticut for her 80th birthday. We were not just celebrating her birthday, we were celebrating Olegna. The beautiful person she is and the wonderful presence she has in our lives. OUr cousins from New Hampshire came down, we from New Jersey drove up, and we had a wonderful day together. Toward the end of the evening, her son Anthony got us all together in a room with a large television and he played two videos of Olegna playing the piano. It brought tears to our eyes.

Music is supposed to make your feel something, and the musician is a vessel to direct that emotion in such a way, it touches your soul. Olegna, being a master musician, does just that. God blessed her with such a talent, and I hope you look at the video below of her playing, that brings tears to my eyes everytime I watch it myself.

Olegna, it was a pleasure being with you on your 80th birthday, and it is an even greater honor to have you in our lives. Your spirit and love exudes to all of us in the family. I love you so very much Nonna Olegna, and I look forward, along with the rest of the family, the many beautiful years ahead we get to share with each other. =D (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO