To Be a Champion!

(Steven Lin wins gold at the 2011 Korea Open)

One of the mentors I have mentioned is Captain Peter Bardatsos, six time national coach and champion. One of the greatest Olympic Taekwondo coaches on the east coast. He actually was the one to give my former master his fourth degree Black Belt. I met him was I was younger, and a few times I went to his school in Queens, New York (like I plan on doing again come this fall) to improve my sparring. These are the heavy hitters.

As I mentioned in my last post about my dear friend, Robert, thank God for him because he keeps me up to date and motivated when it comes to my sparring training. Sparring always changes, is never the same, and requires a lot of maintenance training. From the ages of 13 to 18, I competed in Taekwondo and did fairly well. I had some great experiences and wonderful matches, not all won, but I won by what I learned. Baradatsos's students are truly elite. 

I competed at the state, regional, and national level, but never the international level. I know I am no where near hat elite level of sparring, but during my journey to masterhood, I hope to achieve great progress to gaining that elite level of sparring. For the first time in four years, I plan on competing again this year, JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT. But deep down inside I have a little broken agreement that I want to accomplish. It will most likely take place after my fourth degree test, but that is okay, I want to get a good head start NOW.

I always wanted to do an international competition and there are two in mind. The U.S Open Taekwondo Championships, and the World Martial Arts Tournament. The first one is an Olympic Taekwondo competition, and second is a prestigious tournament held every year in Las Vegas for several martial arts. In my lifetime I want to compete in these competitions. Not necessarily the Olympics, maybe as a spectator, but never say never I guess.

When I was 13 years old, I sparred a kid named Steven Lin. It was a very close match, but I bat him for the gold medal at the 2003 Big East Taekwondo Championships. Maybe three years later, my friend Jessie drove me to Queens, NY to spar at Bardatsos Taekwondo. I sparred all these guys who just beat the daylights out of me, and I loved every minute of it. At the end, as I was waiting for Jessie to return to bring me back to new Jersey, Steven Lin walks up to me and says "You don't remember me do you?" And I looked at him and I said "Um...I know you Steven." But he responded "No. You don't remember me, do you?" I didn't understand. He then went on about how he remembered that I beat him in that competition. I honestly did not remember it at all. Then I laughed and looked at him and said, "Well.....does it really matter now??" I laughed and so did he.

At this point he had the greatest coach on the east coast, his skills far surpassed mine, and we've been sparring together for months that year. I loved sparring Steven because he made me WORK. I had to be on my toes, I had to be smart, I had to be quick, I had to NOT be tired. It's been three years since we've sparred each other.

Recently, I saw from Bardatsos Taekwondo, that Steven Lin had won gold at an international competition, The KOREA OPEN. WOW! Just wow! I am amazed and impressed, and so proud of him! He not only cmpeted at an international competition but he also won GOLD and in KOREA!! Master Toledo used to tell me, "If you are ever partnered against a Korean, just pack your bags and get ready to go home." HAHAHA! I was so proud to hear about Steven's great success as a Taekwondo athlete, and I really hope I get to spar this champion again when I visit Bardatsos Taekwondo. Congratulation Steven on all your successes! 

Hearing about his successes, gives me motivation also to work hard to keep up with Steven. With Master Bardatsos's help, and sparring against Steven and other athletes from Bardatsos Taekwondo, I know I will gain much improvement. I am not going to lie, I get scared just thinking about it, but the excitement overtakes those scared feelings! Time to begin with the end in mind!

Yours in service,

A TRENTO

Coming Back to Life

So it's one month down, and I've made a good start for myself on my journey. I feel more motivated then I did before, I am on the right track for my physical training, and mentally I am becoming clearer and a bit more relaxed. I believe I also handle some of life's challenges with a little more handle then before as well. It's a good start!

The beginning to any journey usually starts out as a struggle. I have asked for help this time and done things to hold myself accountable, like this blog. One of the biggest things that depressed me and I would get angry about was my physical training. I used to train four hours a day and ate extremely healthy and had amazing results! Doing personal training with Charlene twice a week has been such a great help because I am seeing results already and it gives me great momentum as it builds up. I see the muscles in my arms, chest, and stomach already looking better than they did a month ago, and I am down 8 pounds.

I have to work very hard to maintain this control. By September, I should have enough training in me that I can take off the training wheels and ride solo. I wrote about the lessons on broken agreements that I discussed with Lisa. Well I have made SEVERAL agreements with myself and other people toward my 4th Degree Black Belt, and with each agreement being fulfilled or in the process of being fulfilled, it gives me more and more of a reference point to work off of.

I love working out with Charlene because she pushes me and makes me do all these exercises that are never the same and I end up struggling. So it gives me more of a drive! Why? Because what I do is take those exercises and do them on my own and make them even more difficult for myself! WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE DO THAT!? Isn't it enough that I am struggling already? NOPE!

As a master I want to exceed expectations. I want to know my body and mind is beyond prepared! So I take those exercises, just as I would do with old Black Belt tests, and challenge myself until I was able to do it without any problem!

But I must say, I am very grateful to my friend Robert Lisciandrello. He is not only one of my bestest friends, but he is by far my most LOYAL friend. He was one of my students in the martial arts who started about seven years ago, and was TMAFC's first Black Belt I ever tested. He has been very gun-ho with his training and will ask to workout with me around the studio's hours, either on weekends, during the day, or late at night. Whether he realizes it or not, going through this struggle to push myself physically into shape as I have done before, I will have moments where I just won't push myself FOR myself. But there were several times I get that phone call from him and he's say "training at 9:30?" and I'm there.

Thank God for Robert. He doesn't realize he's giving me the momentum I need, the same way Charlene is giving me my momentum. When I train with him, it forces me to think of where this training session is going to go, then each workout builds up, and then newer ideas come about, and I'm doing drills I love to do, then I get motivated and start improving, then I start setting these goals of where I want to be or how  can increase the level of difficulty of the workout, and then comes that positive high!

I am very grateful to Robert for many many many reasons, more than he will ever know. But for the purpose of this blog, I will express my gratitude to Robert for his part in helping me come back to life. Without him, I don't think I'd make as much progress mentally or physically at the start of this journey. It' built up that momentum, and when September comes around, the boost is really going to set in BIG time.

Thank you Robert!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

To Continue to Move Forward

 (Master Kevin Balon and me after my 3rd Degree Black Belt test, June 27, 2009)

Today I walked in the park. I don't know why. I never do. But today spirit told me to walk in the park. It was an absolutely beautiful day and I really took in the appreciation of all the little things I think so many people overlook. I saw two groundhogs and they were sooooo close to me, eating the grass. I saw a mother duck with her 5 ducklings following her. I the sun gleam in between the leaves of the tree. We should never let overlook the beauty of nature around us. And I walked most of the time with my ipod in my ears listening to nothing other than The Edge of Glory! Then I had a wonderful evening with one of my best friends and my God-dogger (yes, it's exactly what it sounds like!).

I want to be a master that never overlooks the small things, and takes in all that is present in the here and now. Appreciating the small things like the groundhogs and ducklings in the park today only allows me to appreciate the even greater things tenfold! Well as I train for my 4th Degree Black Belt test, I have a little story about another one of my mentors.

One of my mentors is Master Kevin Balon. He is the New Jersey District Director for the AAU Taekwondo Program and tested m for my 3rd Degree Black Belt and will be the one to test me for my 4th. I have expressed in another post my feelings about Black Belts and other masters I know, and the notion that Master Toledo brought to my attention. Master Toledo was only a 3rd Degree Black Belt but I always called him master out of respect for his knowledge and way of life as a Black Belt, especially with all the time he has and continues to put into the arts. But his feeling was after Black Belt, why go on? You know you are a Black Belt in your mind and heart, what do you need degrees for? He only went to 3rd to hold certain positions in his organization.

I highly respected this man for that notion. My dream was always to become a master and officially (in Taekwondo) it is usually at the 4th Degree Black Belt one can be eligible for master instructor certification. But each degree represented something to me that I hold dear to my heart. I would continue to train and test up the ranks, not to prove anything, but to see what new lesson will I hold close to my heart that has great meaning in my life at that time.

Well Master Balon tested two weeks ago for his 7th Degree Black Belt! I am in absolute awe! Master Balon runs a phenomenal school down in Spotswood, NJ and is an extremely active facilitator in the AAU Taekwondo program. For someone like myself who loves the martial arts and all it has to offer, it is inspiring to me to see someone reach the rank of 7th Degree! A rank I one day hope to hold myself, again for the reasons I just explained.

I can only imagine what it means for Master Balon. The time he puts it his training, his teachings, in the depth of his knowledge of Taekwondo, and just in general the many years he put into Taekwondo of his life, 7th Degree is a huge honor. It must represent such great importance to him, and not many people make it to this rank. One of the things I found most impressive, that a true master who keeps up with his training can perform, was breaking 7 boards! I had a master who did not keep up with his training and could barely perform what he used to. So again, it is even more inspiring and intriguing for me to see someone like Master Balon continue to move forward in his training and perform physically and mentally at such an elite level!

(Master Kevin Balon breaking 7 boards for his 7th Degree Black Belt test)

To continue to educate oneself and share what you learn is great mark as a master. Master Balon shows the essence of hard work paying off, and you can see how moving forward in his training, he moves forward in his life. It inspires me to continue to move forward in my training, and pushing myself to new extremes and new heights, which will help lead me to new levels in my life. And I will show him exactly how much 4th Degree will mean to me when I test at his school in eleven months! Congratulations Master Balon on your 7th Degree Black Belt! (BOWS)

Yours in service,

A TRENTO

Balance of Ego and Humility

Every Black Belt test I have ever taken, I had the honor of taking with several people and it's something I cannot explain. But when you take a Black Belt test with someone, the energy of the test is completely out of this word, and adds so much more o the experience! Well I went to Fastkix Taekwondo in 2009 to test for my 3rd Dan Black Belt and I took my test with 20 other people. One of those people was testing my 4th Degree, my mentor Samuel DeJesus.

I was fascinated my Master DeJesus's use of the martial art Krav Maga, which is an Israeli martial arts, composed of high level striking and leverage based techniques. He will be helping me toward my 4th Degree testing with self-defense. But none of my mentors are limited to just one thing in what I can learn from them on my journey to becoming a master. I believe Samuel represents humility to me.

Master DeJesus and I have a common ground where we both are forever students. He is well rounded in his training and tried all different types of martial arts and go through the ranks, before sharing it in his own school. He never has that air about him that my old master used to, as if he knew everything and learning from someone else would be below him.On the contrary. Samuel DeJesus is open to learning whatever he can, where ever he can. And best of all, he loves what he is doing so much and loves his students equally, just as I do.

Recently, on his Facebook page, he posted something that said "Today my ego got the best of me," and then thanked someone for reminding him. I read this and I was in awe. Why? Only a true master would have the humility to hold themselves accountable and admit when they allow some flaw to occur. My old master never admitted when he was wrong, nor ever apologize when he had done wrong. So for me to see Samuel share with other how he allowed his ego to get the best of himself, WOW! Just WOW! I cannot begin to tell you the respect I had for him in that moment, and I have A LOT of respect for him already.

What a great model for me to follow, becoming a master myself. In my experience, especially a several months ago this past year, I was involved in a situation where there were a lot of people who did a lot wrong. However, I was the only person taking responsibility for my actions and admitting where I was wrong. And when that happened, no one else followed suit, so I looked like I was the ONLY one in the wrong, and the fingers all pointed my way. No one ever wants to be proven wrong or admit when they are wrong, and that is because of EGO!!!

Ego is the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought. When one's Ego gets full of itself, it loses something called HUMILITY! Humility is the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. As a martial artists, we try to live our lives and teach others to love their lives in a humble manner, full of humility and integrity.

One time, Lisa had a speaker come to Montclair and he talked about Ego and one of the biggest points he made on Ego was "Don't get offended." People take things out of proportion all the time and get offended over the littlest things! Because it doesn't agree with EGO!!! But we all have one. We all have an Ego. But it is to balance Ego with humility that is the true key to living life with integrity! And Samuel DeJesus is full of integrity! A great role model for future masters like myself.

When I did the Qi Gong meditation with Lisa at Sifu Pedro Yee's school, he talked about Ego as well. He said to not allow Ego to take over, but at the same time Ego give you drive! It allows for motivation! One of the people who commented on Master DeJesus's Facebook page interpreted Ego as Confidence! Interesting way to look at it. After all, we try to build self-confidence in our self and other as well. So as Master DeJesus put it, to train ourselves  to have a healthy balance of Ego and humility is the way toward a healthier life not only as a martial artist, but as a human being. Another thought provoking lesson from the mentors!

Yours in service,

A TRENTO 

Lisa's Life Lesson on Broken Agreements

This week was very hectic for me, but life's challenges are part of my fourth degree Black Belt training after all. That's what this entire year is about. And the true test to being a master is not how I perform physically but how I perform at LIFE! Social pressures, business pressures, and of course family pressures can make life very overwhelming. We buried my Uncle Johny today and it was very sad, but we truly celebrated his life today. And I know having all of his family there for him would have been a huge highlight for him.

It's with times like these that I look to my mentors for continuous inspiration to pull myself through to achieving my goals. I have chosen my mentors very carefully and each adds a bright light for me to learn something on my journey to masterhood, even during times like these.

My mentor Lisa Sargese had knee surgery on Tuesday and I went to go see her on Thursday. She really looked great and was in good spirits. When I went, I helped decorate her room which she decided to make "Zen themed." She had the Asian lanterns and I brought my fake bonsai tree and she had a little dragon named Pedro, and when you walked into her room you felt the wonderful energy from her ambiance! What I love about Lisa is that she always looking for a way to move forward in life. And she does not close off any opportunities to do so, whether it be spiritually or physically. She has had both of her knees done now, and she is loving her two brand new knees. She is working with a master nutritionist who is helping her in some incredible ways, she even cured herself of anemia through his work! But she is also practicing Qi Gong and learning to listen to spirit. Some of the things her spirit tells her are so thought provoking!

It is inspiring to see her move forward and build up such great energy! As I sat in her hospital room we had a few nice discussions, but one of the topics we discussed was about how we are people who hold ourselves accountable. In a way, we can all be a little bipolar. One minute we are on such a high, and then something happens and we drop down to an all time low. Your average Joe will be on a high and become extremely motivated and make all these plans, but when they hit their low, they never go back and meet with the agreements they made to themselves.

People like Lisa and I are different. When we get on that high and make plans and goals, when we reach those lows, we are still connected to the goals and will not stop until they are achieved and we get very hard on ourselves when we do not meet our own expectations. I have learned over the years that it's damaging enough to have broken agreements with other people, saying you'll do something and then NEVER do them. There is no closure and the energy is still alive and being wasted. Until you either re-negotiate the agreement, fulfill the agreement, or MAKE THE DECISION not to fulfill the agreement, your energy will be drawn from you. Understand, you have to MAKE the decision, not just NOT do it, because the energy still lingers. Understand that energy is a very real thing.

But what erodes your self-esteem and damages your SELF even more is when you make a broken agreement with yourself! You make goals and plans, and when you hit a low, you never revisit it, and continue that cycle, sooooooooooooooo much energy is being wasted and misused. I believe that is why so many people get "stuck" in their lives. It makes me think. I have always known this, and being a person who holds myself accountable, I always look for closure in a situation. But I am sure there are many small circumstances that I may overlook, and only until I channel the energy elsewhere will I get true clarity!

My advice on the topic is this: take a mental inventory of your self and look at all the broken agreements you may have in your life, whether it be with other people or yourself. Then take the time to either renegotiate and change the agreement to fulfill it, fulfill the agreement as is, or make the decision to not fulfill it. Write them down! Speak into a voice recorder! However you want to do it, figure it out. And then watch how much clarity you gain, and how much more relax you become. It will be an amazing experience for you!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Don't look back, look forward

I was talking to a friend last night about my Uncle Johny and he sent me a quote that went something like this:

 

"If you spend you life running and always looking backwards, eventually you will trip, fall, and wonder where you are." -Unkown

I thought about this quote a lot today. I had a hard time sleeping last night, and then I slept in very late today. But, how many times we be run and always look back? We all do it, don't try to deny it! At some point in our lives we try to pick up momentum to move forward but what is holding us back is when we turn our heads backwards. This quote is absolutely right. You trip and then you wonder "how the heck did I get here??"

My godfather used to always tell me "You never know where you're going until you get there, and when you get there, you don't know where to go!" There is a lot of truth in that. I understood this at the age of 17 and then that understanding grew more and more as I got older. There were so many times in my life I never kne where I'd end up, but there were a lot of things I worked for. But then when I got there, I was like "well wha's next?" 

I wish I saw my Uncle Johny more. Shouldn't I have learned from losing relatives in the past? But those are the wrong questions! THAT is looking backwards when trying to run forward. That is why I became frustrated and upset when I tried to move forward. As I was running forward, I looked behind and tripped. And I tripped many times and scraped my knees more times than I can count. 

Not so easy though, this notion. Because I am a firm believer in closure. Many people will say "Well you're not always going to get it so man up!" Well I don't believe that. There are many ways to receive closure, and closure can be attained in ways you may never have thought of. During my journey, there are a few things I am going to seek out closure for, and then I'll be skyrocketing like I've never done before! There will be brick walls, that is for sure. But like Randy Pausch said, the brick walls are only there not to keep you out, but to see how badly you want to achieve something!

Yours in service,

A TRENTO

Don't let time fly by...

Uncle Johny Trento

1927-2011

Time is such a funny thing. It gives you just what you need, and yet it won't give you too much. But that is only if time is used wisely. I always said, the one thing I do have, and I don't have much, but I have time. And my time is precious to me. I have no tolerance for those who waste my time or disrespect my time. But it's never about how much time you have it is about how you use it.

My grandfather was one of four children. I never met Grandpa Fred Trento. He died in 1982 from cancer, and my middle name is after Grandpa Fred. A few months later, his brother my Uncle Frank died, of a broken heart. These two were very close. And then there were two....kind of.

Surviving Grandpa Fred and Uncle Frank were my two great uncles, Johny and Rudy. Growing up, Uncle Rudy was the grandfather to us on the Trento side. He was at every party, every holiday, every occasion on the Trento side. But my Uncle Johny, I only met him 8 years ago. 

Uncle Johny was out of the family's life for 30 plus years. No, there were no arguments nor any fights. He just chose to stay away. I am sure he spoke with my Uncle Rudy here and there, but his wife, our Aunt Dorris, hated Italians (ironic). She never wanted him around the family. And he followed suit. Many many years later, the children are gornw up and there are now grandkids and great-grandkids. And my father got together all the Trento's from New Jersey, New Hampshire, New York, Florida, and Connecticut to come together at Lake George, NY in 2004 for the first Trento Family reunion.

One the second night, when the entire family (50 plus) was getting together for our first Family Dinner, who drove up at the very moment we were gathering together, but Uncle Johny. I do not know who was more surprised. My Uncle Rudy who mentioned to him but never heard back, my Grandma Cynthia who hadn't seen her brother-in-law for many years, or my father. 

There was only one way Uncle Johny was greeted: with love. All the cousins (first cousins, second cousins, third cousins), all the nephews and nieces, and all the in-laws hugged and kissed my Uncle Johny and he was overwhelmed by the great amount of love he was given, even after many years of being absent. He had dinner with us, we shared pictures with him, he played the piano there for hours and we all sat around him and he loved being the center of attention! He hung out with us by the Lake the next day, and was in the very first GROUP Trento picture. When he all got back to our homes, he sent all of us a wonderful heart-felt email.

That was in 2004, and I am sure Aunt Dorris gave him hell because he never came back to a family reunion. I always thought about Uncle Johny here and there. After all, he was my grandfather's brother. And I really do appreciate the presence of a person more than the average person. Growing up, I was lucky enough to meet my great grandparents and great-great aunts on my mother's side. When they passed away, I was very young and it had a profound affect on me. I learned to appreciate being with people and making my time with people count more than anyone knows. Some people think I am too sentimental, but I have lost at a young age to understand this concept of appreciating the time you have with people.

A couple of months ago, my Uncle Johny fell and was lying in his garage for about twelve hours before he was found. My aunt had the beginning of Alzheimers, and didn't know what was going on, nor whether he was around or not. He and his wife were brought to a nursing home and then an assisted living home in Paramus, NJ. My Uncle Rudy and Aunt Marie really went out of their way to helping my Uncle Johny out. Again, despite years of absence, the family came together to help Uncle Johny in need.

My father and his first cousins went to visit him and for the last couple of months, to a few weeks ago, phone calls up the wazoo were made to Uncle Johny! Cousins from out of state, my grandmother, our local Jerseyians, to the farther down Jerseyians. 

He had three brain tumors in his head, each with a different cancer, and he didn't want anything to be done with them. He signed to having no medication or treatment and if he became incoherent  he did not want to be fed, only made comfortable. That was his will. Some of the family spoke to him about a week ago before he went away for our Trento Family Reunion which was held in Rhode Island. We thought maybe we would have a few weeks, if we're lucky maybe a couple of months.

Saturday night we had our GROUP Trento dinner and we had a blessing for our Aunt Teresa who passed away this past winter, and a blessing for Uncle Rudy and Grandma Cyn who have a few things to deal with, and a special blessing for Uncle Johny, knowing we did not have much time with him left, but he hoped he felt the love of his family.

While we were in Rhode Island, we came to learn he became incoherent. Hospice was with with him, they gave him a hospital bed in his room, and we came to learn he probably would not make it to the end of the week. Uncle Johny was the only topic of conversation this morning at the hotel while we had breakfast. We said our goodbyes and drove back to our homes.

The whole ride down, I thought about Uncle Johny. I tried to read, then play a few games, but then I just layed back with my eyes closed and thought about that first reunion and him playing the piano. I wish I went to go spend more time with him. I thought to myself, if not tonight, maybe tomorrow evening I'll go visit him. Whether he can hear me or not, just to be in the same room with him and see him. 

I taught my classes tonight, full of energy, I even did the cardio class with the ladies that I taught to get my mind off of Uncle Johny. Then a few calls back to some friends, voicing my thought about Uncle Johny. Well when I got home, I walked in only for my father to tell me that Uncle Johny did in fact die today. He went to go visit him, but he was not there.

Don't ever let time fly by you. Take the time to really appreciate the presence of every individual you come in contact with. If you live every day like it is your last, and spend the time with the people you are with with laughs and love, you will never regret the time you have and have HAD with people. At the same time, MAKE time for the people you love. Uncle Johny missed a lot of years of his nephews and nieces by staying away, but even though he let time fly by, the family took whatever little time we had left with him, and made sure he knew he was still loved.

Do not let petty arguments and judgments, stupid grudges and opinions hold you back from enjoying every waking minute with the people who are worth the time and energy, especially when it comes to family. Yes, you will have differences and quarrels, and yes there are those relatives who you absolutely cannot stand. But you can take that magnifying glass out, and find that small spec of good in that person, and learn to use your time to enjoy that little spec. Never let time fly by!!

Rest in peace Uncle Johny.....We love you and will miss you....

Yours in service,

A TRENTO

Fighting Temptations

Will power. We all have it. But to exercise it can be a completely different story. When we are focused and determined, and we are full of motivation, it is a lot easier to fight off temptations and exercise our will power against those temptations. But there are some things that can take away from our use of will power. Depression can be one of those things.

When I was 179 pounds, not fit, and unable to do the things I was able to do from my training, I made a choice. I chose to be focused, made goals for myself, and disciplined myself to the tee! I ate well, I trained four hours every day, only one hour on Sundays, never ate after 6:00, went to bed at 11:30, woke up at 7:30, etc. I was very structured and regimented and used that will power! I lost 45 pounds, I was able to do things I had never been able to do before, I was in the best shape of my life physically and mentally.

Then a few events occurred this year and my world was turned upside down in a few ways, and what started out as chosen depression (because I could have chosen to look on the brighter side of things) became moderate depression, which became sever depression. A lot of people don't understand depression and I plan on educating people about it here on this blog. But that will be for another time.

But a little something about depression. A person who is truly depressed have no control over their minds and emotions. The dominant thoughts are depressed and it releases those chemicals in the brain that enhance the depressed feelings. You lose energy, tired all the time, not able to sleep at night, yet cannot get out of bed in the morning. You either don't eat at all, or eat way too much. You cannot fight temptations like drinking, or over eating, staying up late, not doing what you're supposed to be doing etc.

Several of these symptoms I had. And they went against my values. And like I said in my lost post, when you go against your values, it erodes your self-esteem. So on top of the depression I was angry at myself and felt guilty, which added onto the depression. I was so angry I wasn't training the way I used to, mad I wasn't eating the way I had, mad that I wasn't sleeping the way I did, etc.

My biggest vice was over eating and making meals out of cookies. For some reason, I was nourishing myself with cookies for a year. So when I set my goals for this year on my journey to back to the light, one of those goals was to get back on my healthy streak and lose about 20 pounds and eat better and healthier! Well I have lost 8 pounds so far which I am very happy about, but the eating went back and forth, but the most part I have been eating good.

But that's not the challenge. Fighting the temptations that go against your values and goals is the true challenge! Many times I tried starting to get myself back into my groove. Of course not to the extent that I am doing now with mentors, and blogging, and mustering motivation. But stil, in those attempts it was EASY to give into temptations, and I could not trust myself. UNTIL TODAY!

I am in Rhode Island now for the TRENTO FAMILY REUNION! We got up early to leave and stopped at a bagel shop for breakfast. Uh oh! My first test! I am a bagelholic! I love bagels, but they are worth 3-5 servings in one bagel. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE taylor ham, egg, and cheese with salt, pepper, and ketchup on a poppy bagel! OMG! Heaven on a bagel!

The temptation was there. But I've made such progress in two weeks, and I was NOT near my goal yet, so cheating was out of the question. And remember, progress is the key to motivation! So despite the looks my mother gave me, I ordered a whole wheat bagel scooped with egg whites. I was so proud! I passed my first test!

The second test was on the beach. My mother bought Rhode Island pizza, the best one in Newport! I LOVE this pizza. I can eat a pie and a half by myself! So fattening! But when the time came, I had two small slices and offered my cousin Matthew a slice. I passed the second test!

Then dinner came and we went next door to this crabhouse, next to the hotel. Everything on the menu was FRIED! Fried calamri, fried shrimp, fried fish and chips, fried salmon, burgers, hotdogs, etc. Temptations up the wazoo! But I would not allow it! Because I had two reference points from today! I did great at breakfast and lunch! Why break the streak! I had the confidence to go against the temptations! Everyone else bought their fried stuff. I got the Greek Salad and clam chowder. I DID IT!

You have to understand my victory here. It's been months of fighting depression and giving into temptations and being sad in the moment and after, knowing it I was going against everything important to me. Today as the first time I fought those temptations, AND SUCCEEDED! in two weeks, the progress on a mental level to allow me to exercise this will power put me in such high spirits! People might say. "Bah! You're on vacation! Live a little!" Well let me tell you something: I have never felt so alive by fighting those temptations! Keep your eye on the prize and make that your dominant thought so you too can follow through! Fight those temptations and rediscover your will power! It's part of being a candle! =D

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Value Your Values!

When I was 19 years old, I began my own business. But I knew that this would be a very different type of business. Not your typical business. I wanted to have my martial arts school stand upon the values the martial arts is all about. By doing this, I had in my apartment in December 2008, after a blizzard, something called a Master Mind Meeting.

I invited students of mine, people I trained with, people I tested with, people I taught with, and we put our minds together as one and established the do's and don't's, the rights and wrongs, the good and bad, and set a foundation of values that my studio would stand upon. Even though it is a business, I refused to ever forget that this is first and foremost a martial arts school and therefore will be run on values.

Do I sound like a broken record yet? Values! Values! Values! If you think about it, everything and anything we are and will be is based on our values. When we do things against our values, it erodes us of our self-esteem.

Well I came across something that really bugged me a few months ago. In April, I brought eight of my students to their very first competition to see what it is like. They all did a phenomenal job! However, one of my blue belt girls sparred against another blue belt who was very very fierce. She sparred a fantastic match, but lost the match. We later found out that girl she sparred was not a blue belt but a junior Black Belt!

Besides being totally against the rules, how low can you be? Is that what the martial arts is all about? Absolutely not! And this is a master telling his students it is okay to do! What gets me even more aggravated is that the parents endorse this behavior! It goes against everything the martial arts is about and everything I teach. And yet this person calls themselves "master." I am insulted as a martial arts instructor who is hoping to earn that title.

The mother of my student confirmed with the other students mother that she was in fact a junior Black Belt, and we even found her Kukkiwon certificate number online (Kukkiwon is the highest honor of certification you can get in Taekwondo). Some people may argue it happens in all sports. But martial arts is a very different type of activity to be a part of. It is a mind-body-spirit discipline, so values is a very important part of it's make up.

Values! A true master always returns to his values! Every action and decision, choice of word is based off of his or her values. To have a Black Belt spar as a blue belt, what are you teaching your students? Is that fair to other students? Are the medals really that important? I promise you this, as a master, the values will always go before the medals and the money. In my eyes, that is how a true master should conduct themselves.

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Dark vs Light

So a little update. As I have told some of you before, I have been going through a lot of depression due to things that have occurred in my personal life this past year. Beginning this blog and beginning my journey to achieve several goals leading me to my ultimate goal which is my 4th Degree Black Belt and Master certification has been a tremendous help. And already, I have seen progress in the smallest ways.

I have lost 8 pounds so far, I am getting some great results from Charlene personal training me, I tried doing splits the other day and I am only inches away from the ground, I have been eating healthier, waking up in the morning, and have been getting little things done here and there. I am very happy with the small progress I've made in two weeks. But these are the outside things. What about the things on the inside?

A few weeks ago I went to a Qi Gong Meditation which I am saving an entire post on that alone! But I was reviewing my notes and I tried a few exercises we were taught and that other people told me they've been doing. One of the things that I read in my notes that Sifu Pedro Yee had said was something about trauma. Like a breakup in relationships is causes trauma, and that energy is kept in the body until you allow yourself to let it go.

When you are happy and peaceful in the center, trauma cannot enter. But what if you already let trauma in? Does that make it more difficult?

My Aunt Karen always told me that time is a funny thing. Time will not give you more than you need, however it gives you JUST what you do need. People say time heals all wounds. I also find that time manifests them as well. But Sifu said something else which stood out in my mind:

"Bring my a solution, not a problem. Because if there is a solution, there is no problem."

Easier said than done? Maybe. But it never hurts to give it a go. Things may be difficult, but it doesn't mean it is impossible. On this journey back to the light that I am on, I am rekindling my own light inside of me. My candle had dimmed for a while and I am mustering as much energy I can to make it burn brighter than ever. But I have a lot of trauma I allowed to set in, which took away from my happiness and peace. So the challenge: relight the flame of the candle, and find my center. Once I accomplish that, I know I will be able to proceed tenfold on this path.

Lisa shared with us that same day we met Sifu Yee something spirit told her during one of her exercises given to her. "Stand in the light and don't leave the light. Beckon others to the light without stepping into the darkness." That is what I wrote in my notes from what she said, I don't know if that is verbatim. But the essence of the message was there.

I think there were many times in my life I stepped into the darkness for others and in the process, had a struggle to get back into the light. No more. Like Lisa said, stand and stay in the light. Don't leave the light. Beckon others to you. Lead others to the light. Because truth be told, "All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." And my radiance is eternal!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Room for improvement!

This goes along a little bit with my last post on finding the good in a situation. I was at the gym this morning with Charlene where she made me do a million push ups. Now, understand, I love working out and exercising. I do almost anything and love that burning feeling in your muscles and being out of breath. I love the aching afterward and getting beat up in the process. I can and will do almost anything and LOVE it! But there is one thing I have always done, but always hated: Push ups.

Surprised? Yes, push ups and I have a love-hate relationship. I depends on the day when we get along. I hated them so much that when I took my seven Black Belt tests, I was so focused and almost never made a mistake, for the sole purpose of not having to do push ups. It worked too.

I teach the ladies in my fitness classes to do push ups on their knees especially when we do like reps of 30 multiple times. So I have always done them the "girly" way, as some trainers call it. But not with Charlene. I have the best of the best, so she is going to make me do full push ups. -______-

I struggled the first few workouts with her. This is my fifth workout with her this summer and I am already seeing and feeling improvement. But as a Black Belt, when I see myself struggling with something, I make sure THAT particular drill I can not only master but exceed! I would do that with every Black Belt test I had. One of those tests I had to jump rope 500 times and was allowed five misses. So after that test, I made sure I could do 1000 with only two missed! From there I was able to do 30 min straight with no mistakes! Another time I had to do a 3 min plank on a ball. I made sure I could do THREE 3 min planks on a ball.

Always pushing the envelope! Well last week Charlene made me do bicep curls with 35 pounds for three sets of 20. The third set I struggled big time. It was the first time in years I have brought my muscles "to failure." That is a technical term by the way, not a knock. It was wonderful! But there was something that really stuck out in my mind from last week.

Charlene asked me to do a proper pull up. You hold onto a bar with your feet hanging, and pull your entire body up with the chin over the bar. I could barely pick myself up for one. I was like "Oh no, this will NOT do." Now initially, I was like "I'm so sad I want to cry, not able to do even one." But Charlene hit it right on the head:

"Great! That means there is room for improvement!"

BINGO! What a great paradigm! That is what a master is supposed to do! I believe it was W. Clement Stone who said "With every negative is the seed of an equal or greater positive." And the truth in that statement is unbelievable. Just like the story of Moses, you have to take out that magnifying glass and find that positive.

I knew a woman who was trying to get a job in this big department and they were taking up to 300 people. She was not one of them. I asked her how she felt about that and she said "Great! Because that means there is something even better I am supposed to do!" What a great mindset! This is the mindset we all need to take hold of and condition our minds to think!

So back to the push ups, I did SO MANY this morning with Charlene! We did regular, with dumb bells adding the press, downward angle, with a ball and jump onto it, rolling the ball, balancing on the machine, and the core work wheel. Instead of saying I hate push ups, I should begin to say how much I LOVE THEM. You gotta fake it to make it, right?

So here are three goals with Charlene I have for the end of the summer as room for MY improvement! By the end of the summer I will be able to do pull ups, push up onto the ball (which I MAJORLY struggled with), and one handed push ups! You heard it here first!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Can you find anything else good?

In one of my audio tapes that I have from one of my favorite gurus, there is a story about a boy named Moses. Moses was bad news. he dressed very goth, was arrested 16 times for drug possession from cocaine to heroine, and arrested 5 times for stealing cars, and hehad tatoos all over his body with swastikas and one tatoo saying "Satan I am coming home."

A woman named Mrs. Bukowski was going to do a program at his high school and try these self-esteem courses to see if she can help turn these kids around and asked for the files of the most difficult students the school had. Moses stood out completely. And in his file, it said every year on the first day of school he was kicked out of class for throwing a desk at the teacher. Moses had a very bad anger problem.

Mrs. Bukowski met with all the students she wanted to enroll in the program including Moses. He agreed to do it but after the first two days of the program, Moses was a no show. So Mrs. Bukowski drove to his house and knocked on the door and met his father and saw Moses. Moses said he wasn't sure if he wanted to do it, but she encouraged him to try to come the next morning at 9.

The next day Moses walks in a half hour late. Mrs. Bukowski greeted him with a big smile "Moses! Great to see you! Here are the rules we made up the first day of class, this will be your group, this is the activity," and then Moses was really getting into the class and getting involved!

A little while later, Moses asked Mrs. Bukowski that he had to go the the bathroom. She said "Sorry Moses, according to our rules, bathroom break is at 11:30." Moses said "No you don't understand, I have to go to the bathroom now." Mrs. Bukowski responded "No, Moses, I understand. You have to go to the bathroom now. But our rules say not until 11:30."

At this point, Moses picked up his desk and Mrs. Bukowski thought time foze, and her mind went right to Moses file: picks up desk and throws at teacher. She told him to put the desk down, he shouted an obscenity then threw the desk at the wall and ran out.

After the class Mrs. Bukowski drove to Moses house where his father opened the door and tried to explain. But Mrs. Bukowski interrupted. "No sir, let me explain something to YOU. Every year for the last 10 years, Moses has thrown a desk at the teacher on the first day of school. Today, under a highly confrontational situation Moses picked up his desk, and threw it at the WALL! MOSES! THAT'S PROGRESS! I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING!" She turned around, and walked out!

...............The next morning at 8:15AM, Moses walks in! Mrs. Bukowski said, "Moses! What are you doing here so early??" In which Moses replied, "Mrs. Bukowski, you are the first person EVER to see something good about me. I wanted to come back to see if you could find anything more....."

Sometimes, we need to look into a magnifying glass to find even the smallest speck of good in someone. A true master would be able to do that in any situation. Like so many others, I struggle with this notion, but at least I am aware of it to give it a try, and have been trying for a few years.

But there ya go! TRY! So I will always be TRYING. I have to DO. Ya see! Gotta catch yourself! Self-analysis is a good thing. Granted, people also make their own choices and if they choose to make damaging choices, you have to properly respond, but make it your own business to take out that magnifying glass and look for that one speck of goodness, and focus all your energy into that alone! It's a challenge, but never impossible!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Summer Drags?

I always do this to myself. But every time I began new projects or training cycles, it always began in the summer. In the summers of 2003, 2004, 2005, and 2006, I tried very hard to take my extra time to train the way I wanted to with the time I wanted to. Remember, I was still in school at the time, and summer was the best time I had to really move forward with projects and things like that.

Every since I was very young, I had projects for myself and goals, whether it be typing things, recording things, reading, exercises, traveling, research, etc, I had several things for myself to do. I was NEVER bored. And I believe only boring people get bored. So I always kept myself moving. But my passion was to train.

But I was at the mercy of my master and his wife's schedule. I couldn't be as consistent as I wanted and it drove me crazy, being a perfectionist in my own way. It wasn't until the summer of 2007 that I did EXACTLY what I wanted to do in my training and OMG, I really brought myself to a whole new level in training. It was at this time I began tapping into my mental training more and brought my whole physical side to training to a whole new level!

The summer of 2008 as a summer of application, and the first month was in and out, then the second month was just blah! At the time I was moving into my new apartment and my physical training was put to the way side. Trying new things in my life hat summer was a difficult time to set into new projects. Then in 2009 summer, that's when I was really trying hard to bring myself back to my rigorous training and lose weight, and of course the summer temptations were no help whatsoever. A year later in 2010, I had a fantastic year, but then when summer came around, the inconsistencies began again. But I got back on track in fall.

Which leads me to this summer of 2011. How do I make this summer different from my dragging other summers? Because I feel once again, I am dragging a little. Could it be me being hard on myself? Or is it I am being impatient with myself? Not too sure yet. This year is going to be a fantastic year, there's no doubt about that. And a full year of accomplished goals and dreams for myself and other people. Looking back on my previous summers, I don't want to repeat the trend of putting things on the wayside. So I look at this summer with a different approach. This summer, the work I do will be productive with the purpose of "prepping" me into the forward momentum of the year to follow.

How's that for a stretch?? HAHA! So far I have been eating great and healthy (with the exception of going to my grandmother's house this weekend. Italians understand -____- ), and of course I have my family reunion in Rhode Island this weekend, so more temptations. But I thought, early morning run? Laps in the pool? Forms on the beach? Why not?

I need to keep the momentum going so by the fall I am can go full speed ahead! Then the REAL trick will be maintenance, then going BEYOND! Do you have summer drags too?

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Chance on Taking Chances

 My favorite singer of all time is Celine Dion (don't judge!). I think she has the greatest voice, such control, and she can sing pretty much anything. She has a great story as well on her way to fame from being very young. I also connect with a lot of her songs. But one in particular came to mind yesterday during my stay with my grandparents down the shore. The song was Taking Chances.

A lot of what I am doing this year on my mission to becoming a master has a lot to do with taking chances. But hen I reflect even further, I realize that anyone who has done anything amazing has taken a chance. All of my greatest accomplishments were when I took chances. I feel I have stepped away from that a lot, until now.

Look back into our own history and pop culture. Presidents, movie stars, great musicians, all achieved greatness by taking big chances. To just hold your nose and jump! But your average Joe always looks for the cop out, and would rather be "safe" than to take a chance. Well it starts with the small things first.

Like I said I am staying with Grandma and Grandpa this weekend, and last night Grandma wanted to watch an old mystery movie that I had with Liam Neeson and Meryl Streep called Before and After. After the first 10 minutes, my grandfather gets up walks away and goes downstairs to go on his computer.

"Where are you going??"
"This movie is stupid!"
"It's ten minutes in! It's really good!"
"I'm going on my computer!"
"Give it a chance!"

That's what Grandpa does. After ten minutes of something, if he doesn't think he will like it, he doesn't say anything. He just gets up and leaves. Now if I did that with everything I thought I wouldn't like, do you know how much I would have missed out on in my life? I always give things, food, music, and PEOPLE a chance.

I finish the whole meal before I make an opinion. I watch he entire movie before I decide whether it is good or bad. I hear the entire song before I say it is stupid. And I have a full conversation before I decide whether a person is worth talking to or not. When people don't take chances, they can miss the true essence of whatever they are experiencing.

I read the first three chapters of Harry Potter about ten years ago and thought it was boring. Until I got the fourth chapter, I laugh because I now know how important they are and why they make sense. Most people know I am a true Harry Potter fan! Can you imagine if I put the book down after chapter three????

Take chances in your life! You have to risk it to get the biscuit! (I don't remember where I heard that--hahaha!). Now there is a difference between risks and CALCULATED risks! But there is a lot to say for those who truly have faith in themselves and what they know.

I believe a true master gives everything and everyone a chance to truly understand and experience the essence of whatever he or she comes in contact with. And on top of that, they also take chances to push themselves beyond their potential and better their lives in ways that are just unimaginable. Because without taking chances, there comes regret. And regret and disappointment are two of the worst illnesses one can experience. Solution? Take a chance on taking chances!!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Free Will to Thinking

I have been writing a book since I was 17 years old. The title is the same as this blog "Being the Candle." I am going to get it published. That is one of my goals. So this is a little preview of something I talk about in the book that I start out with after I dissect my quote.

Scientists will tell you that the most powerful animal in the world is the human being, because they have the ability to think. Any theologian will tell you G*d made all people with free will. If you use those two gifts of thinking and free will and put them together, you would be amazed at what you can accomplish.

Most people in our society CHOOSE to look at the glass half empty, what's wrong with a situation, or on the problems that are present in one's life. Many people CHOOSE to not do something because they think they can't. Many people CHOOSE not to know an answer. And as hard as it may be to grasp, many people CHOOSE to have a bad day.

One thing I have learned from my mental training, and it is so hard for people to accept and grasp, but we our one hundred percent responsible for our own lives and our own experiences. We all put blame elsewhere instead of looking within ourselves.

"Well because of him I did this!" "Because of her my day was like that" "If he didn't do this, none of this would happen." Etc, etc, etc.

One of my favorite gurus in self-esteem and psychology is Jack Canfield. He is a co-author for the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. And in his writings and seminars, he teaches a very simple formula that may open people's eyes:

E  +  R  =  O

TRANSLATION:

Events  +  Responses  =  Outcome

We cannot control the events in our lives. The other people, the weather, the traffic, the children, the parents, the co-workers, the coaches, the pets, the stores, the car accident, the difficult client, the slow service, etc. The events will always be occurring in our lives whether we like it or not.

HOWEVER! What we do control are the responses to those events. Two different responses will give us two different outcomes. I knew two people who were sick with the same illness. One CHOSE to mope, acknowledge the pain they were in, complain about the medication, complain about aches, etc. Her responses caused the outcome of only to continue to deteriorate and go into a depression. 

The other woman CHOSE to be happy. She chose to continue doing her daily activities such as tennis, her book club, going to the movies, dines at Italian restaurants, and laughs with her friends every chance she gets. She lives a very happy life and continues to see progress with her health, no matter how small the progress may be.

Do you think it is a coincidence that the two people vary so much? Two people choose to think about two different things. And two people will have two different results. But you want to know the real kicker?? You can always CHOOSE to change your ways of thinking!! This is a very difficult task, but it certainly not impossible. It's something I want to really be able to control. It will take a lot of practice, but before you know it, it becomes second nature to just look on the positive side of all your circumstances. I'm not saying you are not allowed to be human and have your moments, but you will find those moments become less and less and quicker to recover from.

CHOOSE to think positively. CHOOSE to be happy. CHOOSE to live life fully. CHOOSE to be a candle. CHOOSE to think thoughts that will only benefit you and will only bring you to being the best you can be. 

Yours in service,

A TRENTO

The Title of Sahbumnim

So I was talking to a former student of mine the other night online and we got into an interesting conversation about what people would call me WHEN I become a master. In Taekwondo, and several other martial arts, out of respect you typically call the male instructors "Sir" or the female instructors "ma'am." And depending on what type of art (Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Brazilian, etc.), there are different terms for what to call the instructors.

But the title for master varies. Many people know the word "Sensei," which is the Japanese word for master, used in Judo, Karate, Jiu Jitsu, Kendo, etc. In the Chinese arts of kung fu, the word for master is "Sifu." I had recently met a true Sifu in the flesh! I will talk about him very soon. I study Korean arts like Taekwondo, Hapkido, and Tang Soo Do. The Korean term for master which would be appropriate for me is "Sahbumnim."

For ten years I had used that name.
"Yes, Sahbumnim!"
"No, Sahbumnim!"
"Ready, Sahbumnim!"
"I'm doing my best, Sahbumnim!"

Whenever I hear the word Sahbumnim, I envision my old instructor. I don't know if I could ever allow my students to call me that. I would always think of him. And when I do think of him, it is not always in a good light. It depends on the day.

Right now, my students call me Mr. Trento. I have been Mr. Trento officially for ten years. It's a name that is very known in my area, teaching for eleven years. My attorney told me one of the best business decisions I made was putting my name in my business name (Trento's Martial Arts and Fitness Center). Even my closest friends call me Trento. And most of the time when I introduce myself, I say "My name is Trento."

So working so hard to getting to this level, it is going to be an honor to earn that title, but do I really want to be called Sahbumnim Trento? Will Master Trento suffice? Am I allowing negative experiences from my old master to take away from me the privilege of that title? But he taught me something else about titles when I was 12 years old.

He told me "A title will only buy you a little time--nothing more, nothing less." Ultimately, anyone can have a title. Ultimately, your actions, choices, behaviors, and services will truly define whether you truly are that title. How many managers do we know of in the work place that aren't really managers. How many people do we know who are teachers, and aren't really teachers? How many coaches do we know and aren't really coaches?

OR VICE VERSA! How many people do we know are the greatest teachers ever yet are not known as teachers? How many people do we know are the best coaches, but aren't called coach? How many people do we call our managers, but are not managers in that work place but run the show? And you know what, I know people who are not masters, but I call them masters.

A long time ago, I had an instructor named Julius Toledo, he was from the Philippines. I considered him to be the Mr. Miyagi of Taekwondo! He has been training in Taekwondo for 40 years, but was only a 3rd Degree Black Belt. I asked him why he never tested again, and he said something to me I will never forget.

He explained after Black Belt, he would have never tested again. What's the point? He knew he was a Black Belt in his every day life, why would he need degrees? He only tested up to 3rd Degree Black Belt to hold certain positions in the Taekwondo organization in his country, otherwise, he never believed in testing further. I really respected him for that.

In Taekwondo, you are considered Master Instructor at 4th Degree. Mr. Toledo is a 3rd Degree. But I will always call him Master Toledo, because only a man at that caliber to live with such humility and integrity can TRULY be a master of martial arts!

In the orginal The Karate Kid movie, Daniel LaRusso asks Mr. Miyagi what belt he has, and Mr. Miyagi says "J.C Penny, $3.99!" with a jovial laugh. Then he gets serious and says "Daniel San, Karate is here (pointing to his head), and Karate is here (pointing to his heart), but Karate never is what is here (pointing to his waist)."

Same goes for Black Belt. Same goes for Master. Many people believe I should be called Master Trento when the times comes, and I agree. But maybe my view on the term Sahbumnim will change. You never know. But the truth is, my actions, choices, behaviors, and services will truly render me that title, not a piece of paper. And it starts NOW. That is why I am doing what I am doing, and this blog will keep me on my toes. What do YOU think? I am open to everyone's thoughts.

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

Being on the Edge of Glory

So this morning working out with Charlene, she made me do this leg exercise with my leg on the bench and I would step forward with the other leg and drop down into a lunge. I hurt my groin muscle a little bit. Later on talking to someone, and of course not thinking before I speak, I said:

"I hurt my groin muscle with Charlene."
"How did you do that?"
"I had one leg on the bench and one leg on the floor."

Ooooohhhhhh let the rumors begin -____-. That was the joke of the day, always good to have a good innocent laugh! 

A couple years ago when I gained weight and was 179, and wasn't training and didn't have my routine down anymore after leaving my old martial arts school, I remember what it was like when I went back to training. I started out working out again in my Aunt Karen's garage. I trained there for three months but it was very difficult to push myself. Then when I finally started working out at the gym, I remember what my thoughts were: did I really do this to myself?

I was so disappointed in myself. My stances were not as low as they used to be, my kicks were not as high, nor was I as strong as I used to be, I was out of breath easy, I didn't like how I looked, I lost any muscle I once had, I was slow, and I couldn't do double kicks as well as I used to. It was so unlike me. And all I kept thinking about was, did I really do this to myself? I actually doubted that I would ever be able to recover and get back to the way I was before or better. I really did. And shame on me! I should have known better than to look through a negative paradigm!

I began getting more serious that August of 2009 but there was a lot of going back and forth fighting with myself. It was a constant battle. But by November, four months later, I was really getting into the groove of my training. I ate healthier and trained like a fiend. But I will never forget that feeling of doubting I would ever return to my "original state."

With that being said, that is how I felt at my workout on Monday with Charlene in the morning. Of course I am doing a totally different workout than I have ever done really. But those thoughts came back to me, and it brought me to that negative reference point: Did I really do this to myself....AGAIN!? It's almost like an ashamed feeling. Granted, I am NO WHERE near where I was two years ago when I started up again. But to have taken a few steps backwards, I guess I have to just get a grip on myself. Charlene is pushing me, and I am so grateful. When something is hurting me I laugh, and a couple of guys with these arms bigger than my thighs look at me wondering why I am having so much fun. Oh if they only understood.

I didn't like that thought that came about in my head working out with Charlene on Monday. I had to do a pull up and I could not pull myself all the way up. I lost so much strength. But there I go, focusing on what is lost and not here. I should be focusing on the end result of where I WILL be! Sometimes we allow our emotions to steer us away from where we want to go. And in doing so, we have to find things that motivate us, or get ourselves "in the mood."

One of those things to get me in mode is a song by Lady Gaga, called The Edge of Glory. The lyrics are actually irrelevant to my goals, but the title I have an entirely new interpretation. The Edge of Glory, that's where I was a year ago and that's where I am headed right now. Because once I am on the edge, I'm going to hold my nose and jump! A glorious jump! And, the song is very catchy and up beat too!

The definition of glory means a height of achievement, enjoyment, or prosperity. That is where I am headed. On all levels. Feelings like I had on Monday are going to limit me, so I need to block them out and do things that will bring me back to that high of excitement on this journey to THE EDGE OF GLORY, this new level of life to masterhood.

So this morning I walk into the gym for my workout at 6:45am to workout with Charlene. I was walking in, saying to myself "You are going to be a true master. You can do this! You are strong, you are fit" etc. Notice I put it all in present tense, as if it is right now. That is a key thing. Never say "I will" or "I'm going to" because its in reference to the future, and I tend to believe that is where it shall remain if you verbalize it that way. The psychology behind that is that it will affect every action, decision, word, and choice you make that brings your words to life. So I put it in present tense.

So giving myself this positive pep talk, I walk through the entrance, say hello to Charlene, and we walk into the gym to start our workout. Well guess what song was playing on the radio......The Edge of Glory! Well if that wasn't the most remarkable thing for me in that very moment. It was then, I knew that things are going to be okay, and I'm going to push myself and get to exactly where I want to be.

The Mentors

I trained under a master for ten years. He was a great martial artist and taught such wonderful things. But he had a history and reputation of not being able to practice what he preached. He has hurt many many people whom I still talk to today due to his actions and choices, where in the end our goals and philosophies were just not in alignment. That's being nice about that.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my old instructor. And I do accredit him for the type of student that I can be, because after we went our separate ways, I have successfully been training myself and did such great things in my training. But with this new journey to masterhood, and bringing myself to a whole new level of my life, I need people to set me in the right path. After my experience with my old master, it's very hard and very personal trying to find a new one and I am not ready to go there. HOWEVER, I have selected five mentors to guide me in the right direction and to keep me on my toes. They are the BEST at what they do, people whom I trust, and people that I believe in.

The five areas in my martial arts training that I broke down would be your basic martial arts, Taekwondo sparring, self-defense, physical fitness and conditioning, and mental conditioning and spiritual enlightenment. Over the years I have met plenty of gurus and experts, but I truly have the best of the best here. They are my "A-Team"! HAHAHA!

A few months after leaving my old instructor I began searching for a way to test for my 3rd Degree Black Belt and get the proper certifications an owner of the martial arts business would be expected to have. One benefit of my previous training is that I was well trained in BOTH Olympic Taekwondo (W.T.F) and traditional Taekwondo (I.T.F). I will explain the difference another time. SO MUCH TO BLOG! =D

Well I came across a national organization called AAU Taekwondo. You might have heard of the AAU before. I think it stands for Amateur Athletic Union. It's been around for a hundred years and has 30 other sports affiliated with it, Taekwondo being one of them. Well AAU Taekwondo recognizes BOTH types of Taekwondo and was able to certify me nationally and internationally and offers so much more than other organizations I was a part of. It's extremely organized as well, yet not political. LOVE IT!

The President of the New Jersey AAU Taekwondo as well as the tri-state district was Master Kevin Balon, 6th Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. I called him and bombarded him with thousands of questions and before you knew it, I went down to his school in Spotswood, New Jersey, about 40 minutes away from me, not bad. I took a few lessons with him and I LOVED the amount of detail work he had in store for me in my forms and technique, as well as his knowledge of Taekwondo History. It was like Christmas morning for me to see everything he had to show me!

Well Master Balon is not only the New Jersey District Director but a national chairman for the entire USA! I did not realize this until much later. He is a great go-to person and has helped me with certain certifications for my students that I am unable to get, not being a master yet, and has given me great advice on a business level also. Well to keep me consistent and up to par with my level of knowledge and technique, I choose Master Balon as my martial arts mentor. Not my master, but my mentor. I plan on visiting quite often to touch base for my training. Kind of like training check points. And a man of his level will know exactly where I am going with my training. In fact, it's at Master Balon's school I will be taking my 4th Degree Black Belt test. He gave me my 3rd Degree, and I will be taking my 4th under him as well. I am very grateful.

Every Black Belt test that you take with someone, it is a connection and a special bond you have that keeps you connected forever and for the most part, a relationship that you have forever. I have that for every test. My 3rd Degree Black Belt test was my first test without my master and out of my usual environment. But I did meet another student that from the get-go, I knew I made a friend for life. His name was Samuel DeJesus. he was testing for 4th Degree when I was testing for 3rd.

He has his own school in Rockaway, New Jersey and I absolutely admire him. We had a blast testing together and during the time I tried opening my school we kind of lot touch. Then I contacted him and we spoke for a couple of hours on the phone. The delight to be speaking of someone who is just as passionate about martial arts as me! Cannot even tell you how much joy I got out of our conversation.

What I love about Master DeJesus is, like me, he trains in various disciplines, he is always a student and the learning never stops! He loves his students just as much as I love my own, and he lives, breathes, east, and drinks martial arts, just as I do. He made his business a family business where everyone is involved from his wife to his in-laws! How admirable!

At our test back in June 2009, we had a self-defense portion of our test where we needed to demonstrate our knowledge of how to protect ourselves. One of the best aspects of my training with my old master was an AWESOME and well balanced system of self-defnese which was not any style but leverage based techniques that WORK, dealing with low and high levels of difficulty and interchanging from one to the other. I am very confident in my systems and always try to build on them.

Master DeJesus (I cannot bring myself to call him Samuel, I respect him too much as a martial arts master), asked me if I could help with his demonstration. I of course agreed and I ended up being the dummy to get beat up on. Oh, how I loved every second of it! He demonstrated Krav Maga, or Haganah, self-defense. When I understand the difference, I will explain, hahahaha. It was extremely impressive and I was in awe and wanted to learn very much.

I of course explained to Master DeJesus my year's mission and journey and he graciously agreed to mentor me in my self-defense and bring me to a whole new level as best as he can. I know I am going to have the time of my life and if anyone can help me build up the confidence and share the love of the art, it is him! So excited!

For many years I competed in Olympic Taekwondo. I got many medals and trophies, and one great thing about Taekwondo is the conditioning. You get amazing lower body and speed and agility work, I do not think any other martial arts has the level of work as Taekwondo. Not that the others don't, and I may be a little biased, but I have done other arts as well. So I kind of know what I am talking about =P.

In Queens, New York there is a six time national coach named Master Peter Bardatsos. When you hear New York and Taekwondo, you think of his name. EVERYONE knows Captain Bardatsos. He is one of the best Taekwondo coaches in the world! He actually gave my former master his 4th Degree belt! When I was younger I would go like once a month to his school in Queens and get the living daylights beat out of me! It was freakin awesome!

Well I decided I wanted to compete this year and not for the medals, just to have a great time! Getting back out there and putting the work behind what I can do. But I want to be sparring with the elite! And that would be Bardatsos Taekwondo! So like I did when I was young, I will be returning on a consistent basis to Queens to learn from the best there is, while being pummeled into shape, to the level a true master should be at! I am so excited! I may even have him come to my own school to do a seminar or two for my students....oooohhh the possibilities!

Physically, I am very hard on myself. I am stronger and faster and smarter than your average Joe, I need to acknowledge that. There are things I can do physically that not many athletes can do. But that is not enough for me. Of course that is not enough for me! Especially with my setbacks this year, I really needed somebody to push me and keep me on my toes when it comes to my will power, motivation, and to challenge me physically like I have never been challenged before. That person is Charlene Scarcella.

Charlene and I go way back. I was teaching cardio classes at my old martial arts studio for my master, and Charlene used to take my classes. When she heard I was no longer there, she tried to get me to come teach at her gym that she worked at. Well she didn't only train people there and teach classes, she was the general manager and ran that gym with an iron fist! I kept pushing it off until finally eight months later, I began working at Strive Health and Fitness gym in Saddle Brook, New Jersey. It was there I was given a new home to train in until I opened my own school. I had a job teaching, gaining more experience, and meeting a lot of great new people and trainers. She even allowed me to use the gym to teach major belt tests for my own students since I didn't have my own school at the time.

She always loved my style of teaching cardio kickboxing and always took my classes. But you know something. You know when you are always with a person and you don't realize the caliber of that person. That is Charlene for me. I never realized what an endorsement it was to have Charlene come to take my classes because she truly is the best of the best. Every gym in Passaic, Hudson, and Bergen county knows of her. Bottom line: Charlene knows her Sh*t.

It was an obvious choice when I hired Charlene to personal train me. I told her I wanted to crawl and cry coming out of the gym. She knows exactly what my goals are, what I am expecting of myself, and she will keep me on my toes. Her knowledge is untouchable, and I have had three workouts with her so far and I have to meet her tomorrow morning at 6:45AM and I am soooooooooooo looking forward to it!

A lot of physical preparation. But you know, the mental and spiritual training can be more exhausting. I realized that when I did mental training younger. And going to newer heights with it, OY VEY! Well this person has the hardest job and probably the most important for me. Because the INTENSITY of this training is ultimately going to affect EVERYTHING else I do in preparation for the test and all my personal and business goals.

Back in 2008, I was in a World Religions Class at Montclair State University. It was there that I met, Lisa Sargese, professor of religion and psychology, also a daily blogger. She is one of the reasons I decided to do this blog. When I was in her class, I was absolutely inspired by her. Right away I recognized she was not only one of he most awesome people I would ever come to meet, but she was a master educator. Her techniques of repetition and association I identified with right away, taking the same approach when I teach. Her stories and connections she makes are remarkable.

She also has a fantastic story of her own, being a weight loss surgery survivor. You can check out her blog HERE. I can say so much about Lisa, but I have to tell you a true thing and I can laugh about it now. When I met her in 2008, I said to myself that this person will be the person who can mentor me in my life in my positive mental training. I KNEW IT THEN! I am not lying when I tell you I said this to myself! It's amazing how we just KNOW things and when the time comes for it to be true, it comes to fruition. After I left her class, the next couple semesters I would just drop into her class for a hug, and I always checked on her blog and facebook. Then when my business began, our interaction was a few comments and "likes" on Facebook.

Well I must have known where I was going to go in my life subconsciously because G*d brought us together again. I do not know what possessed me but I was in a moment of unbelievable gratitude and I messaged her on Facebook, letting her know what an inspiration she was to me. During my journey to open my martial arts studio I always went back to some lesson on higher levels of thinking and controlling positive mindset, that go me through some tough challenges. She came to see my school and we have met several times and it is like no time has ever gone by, and as if we have known each other for hundreds of years or something!

I had breakfast with her the week after my birthday and told her of my goals and my journey to this new level of spiritual enlightenment of Empty Self toward masterhood. She embodies intensity! And she is going to be the fuel behind everything, whether she knows it or not. She has already put me in an awesome direction when she invited me to a Qi Gong Mediation session last Saturday which I cannot wait to tell you all about! In fact, I think she found me my new master of martial arts, and that is BIG for me to say. But she has not only done so much for me as a mentor, but as a friend. Lisa is a true gift to all who come in contact to her.

So there you go! I am covered! These are the mentors I have chosen who will keep me on my toes. They are the main characters to my story, so pay attention! =D, seriously it is exciting and this positive energy from them is overwhelming and this year is going to be dynamite!

Yours in service,
A TRENTO

The Goals!

I was taught in the martial arts to Begin with the End in mind. Well I agree that the goal is more important than the role. I mean, purpose is the WHY behind everything we do anyway, isn't it? Well my purpose is to become a martial arts master. And that's not just a title, it is a way of life. So I have SEVERAL goals on a physical, mental, spiritual, and financial level that I am going to pursue during this year.

I have taken a total of seven Black Belt tests, and I am extremely proud of them. Most of them were tests unlike any other martial arts school, and I am proud of the sweat, blood, and tears that I went through. The transformations I went through, the lessons learned, and the challenges I had to endure were absolutely breath taking. I was ding things physically that I never thought were possible nor would I ever be able to do them! Well proving the impossible then became my mission as a Black Belt.

This year I am going to bring myself to a whole new level physically. When I was 20 years old, I was 179 pounds. Then the year that followed I began eating on this extremely disciplined healthy diet that consisted of fruits, veggies, limited protein, limited carbs, no hot dogs or bagels, no sweets, etc, and I trained 4 hours a day of well balanced martial arts, cardio, and strength training. For my 21st birthday I was 135 pounds. I lost 45 pounds, but was HEALTHY. I had muscle, never got sick, was tone. It was probably the first time I ever liked my body. So physically I am going to be sure I can continue that healthy discipline of eating right, well balanced workouts, and in those workouts be able to challenge my body the way I used to, the way a true Black belt would and could!

In fact, I was even thinking of re-enacting the tests I went through growing up. Think about it. If I could do all the challenges I did as a 1st degree and 2nd degree Black belt, and then make everything even MORE challenging from there, WOOOOOO I'd be in really good shape. My original Black Belt test was six days long. So was my 2nd Degree test. My 4th will not be, because where I will be going is a very standard test, like my 3rd was. I do not have a master of my own anymore, so I go by the guidelines of the best in this field. I'll explain at a later time.

BUT! This was a really cool idea I had. One month before my test, I am going to have MY adult Black Belt students from my school do a "mock" 4th Degree Black Belt test that will be six days long, like my original ones. My students can see me put everything I do into action and see how I can apply what I teach them and see my struggles as well, to know I am still a student constantly learning as well. Another way of holding myself accountable. Kind of a theme here. But who better to give me a Black Belt test like that then my OWN Black Belts I have taught in my school? This will be in May 2012.

I used to compete in Taekwondo competitions. As a younger student, I always enjoyed going to tournaments and meeting new people and doing my thing. I have won several trophies and medals, but honestly, they are just dust collectors. Truth is, I hate competition. I have learned from the mentality that to have competition is a mindset that "there is not enough" in the universe, or the notion of something or someone being "the best." But I think there's a lot more gold in being "your best" then "the best." Don't you agree? Thought provoking!

However, I am now going into my second year in business. And I have kids who are eager to learn and test their skills. An instructor's dream is to have students as eager as these are. So this fall I will be starting a competition team for my school. It will help get the name of my business out in the martial arts community, etc. During the process of making the team and selecting students, a thought popped into my head: What if I started to spar again? I know that thought along, several people who knew me back when are like WOOOOAAAAHH! Me back on the competition plane would be a really cool thing. I enjoyed it, and expect a certain level of skill to be able to perform as a master should. So again, holding myself accountable. Let's do it. I am going to compete again this year.

During my time as a 2nd Degree Black Belt, my training took a completely new turn on the mental side of training. Mental conditioning dealt with great understanding and practicing of self-esteem, psychology, positive thinking, motivation, things of that nature. I had always put aside an hour and a half a day for reading some positive literature or audio tape. Eventually my mind became conditioned and I even organized it into a curriculum type of setting. I want to not only build up and continue this type of mental training and get on a deeper level of energy and apply it in different avenues of my training and in my life. Recently I was introduced to Qi Gong Mediation and Yoga. VERY cool stuff. I want to write my own book and publish it, something I have been doing since I was 16. I think it's time to really make it happen now. Almost like my "Master's Thesis," if you will.

I have two other projects I am going to be working on. I will explain at a later time in more detail but they both involve video production. Both can lead to some great opportunities for myself and others. And finally I want to go back to school. I want to finish college. It took time but now I know what I want to do. I want to go back in January and get my degree in Psychology and then move onto my masters degree in something similar, perhaps counseling or something else.

So besides a few little projects, you think I put enough on my plate here? Yes, I know it is a lot. But these are things I have always wanted to do, and no reason why I cannot do them. So as a master, I will be accomplishing these goals one at a time, or at least have them in forward motion. But we all know we never do anything alone....I'll fill you in next time.

Yours in service,
A TRENTO