Forgiveness

This post is personal. And I wonder what you all think about the topic of forgiveness. According to dictionary.com, the definition to forgive is as follows:

1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

3. to grant pardon to (a person).

4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.

5.to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

For as long as I could remember, I have always had the power of forgiveness in my heart. But today, I struggle with one, ONE void that I am having the most difficult time forgiving. Now a little background, I have very little resentment toward situations or for people and found it very easy to forgive. At a young age, I learned from martial arts that it is better to forgive, we only live once, and that I am a human being, an imperfect, flawed, and fragile being, like most humans. So who am I to pass judgment on one's actions and also knew at a very young age to look at people's intentions over their actions. 

Any altercation I ever had with anyone, forgiveness came in minutes. Literally. I could be having a full blown argument with someone and five minutes later I am laughing with that person with my arm around them. When someone went out of their way to hurt me and it hurt me badly, maybe a couple months I was able to forgive them, like my former instructor. And most people will say WOW only two months? Yep. That's all it takes for me. Because I never hated in my life, nor ever held grudges. 

Mr. Miyagi said in The Karate Kid movies "Those who live with no forgiveness in their hearts live in a worse punishment.." And I got this! I understood it! And during those very personal times, I was still able to forgive. And truth be told, I was able to live life fine and move on quite easily because of my ability to forgive. And that's what most gurus tell you: forgive and forget and you will live a better life. Well I forgive, but I do not forget, so I don't make the same mistakes or the other party do not make the same mistakes.

And the other funny thing is I used to forgive the same party or parties over and over and over again, no matter what, there was never a limit to the number times I could forgive. Again, I am also a flawed and fragile human being, why should I pass judgment on others for their mistakes and wrong doings? I am not perfect either! No one is!

And yet, an event that damaged me very much eight months ago has left me with such resentment and hatred in my heart, emotions I can truly say I have never felt before, and it has literally been killing me. I know now Mr. Miyagi's words are truer than ever. People who cannot forgive suffer even more. A very ugly situation which became uglier and than nastier, into uglier was beyond chaos I have ever experienced. Ill intentions, and cunning, and the ability to cause discord from ONE person created so much disarray among many people. And people tell me all the time, it may take years before I can find the power inside of me to forgive. 

But that was never me. And I do not want to wait that long. I know why one must forgive and what it does to you if you don't, I am experiencing it now! It just hit so close and left a scar not on my body and mind, but my spirit. And it is deep. Have I gotten along with my life, yes. But there is still a void, and it will not be filled in without forgiveness. So I admit, my greatest challenge toward my master instructor test is this: to forgive this situation. I have forgiven others in the situation, even if some continue to respond negatively with ill intentions, I forgive MYSELF which is usually the hardest part for most people (we are never fully innocent), and yet I am down to the last inning of the game and finding hard to take that last swing at bat.

And then an even funnier thing came up as I have been thinking about this topic for months, in church on Sunday the entire mass's reading were on FORGIVENESS. A servant begged his master to forgive his lateness in paying his debts and not to take away his property, and the master forgave him and pardoned his debts. Then another servant did the same to forgiven servant and refused his forgiveness. When the master heard he was enraged the servant could not show the same forgiveness he had given him and ended up taking his land and locked him up until the debts were paid. And it just so happened that Sunday was also the tenth anniversary of Sept 11, 2001. Interesting....we will never forget, that's right....but can we forgive? Have those families forgiven? Can they? Can our country? Can our government? An interesting concept...

Then I remembered a very old blog post from my mentor's blog, Lisa Sargese, from 2009 where she writes about a situation where she needed to forgive. I absolutely love how she writes the steps in which she took in order to get to the forgiveness state and the Buddha story which she reflects on how one should be when it comes to responding when others ill intent is cast toward you. I encourage you all to read it here.

For the most part, I practice what I preach. It is something I have always worked hard at because I have seen and lived too many situations where other have not. And I am proud to say I have always held myself accountable to doing so, as such is this blog for. But I admit, my greatest struggle is this one situation where it is eating me up inside. It will take time, and right now, I really really don't WANT to forgive. But I know I must and will eventually get there, I just hope sooner than later.

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO