I've been waiting a few weeks before writing this blog, because I didn't want to react. I wanted to sit, think, and properly make a response of my thoughts after letting my thoughts and feeling marinate. The Thursday before Christmas I received hate mail anonymously. There was no return address, no signature, but handwriting on the front page of both letters. However, I recognized the handwriting right away. I also have a filing cabinet in my office with other material I happened to have with this person's handwriting. But I will not say who it is.
The envelopes with no return address or signatures enclosed two print outs of blog posts of mine. One of them was entitled Time for Sparring posted November 9th which was about my meeting with my sparring mentor, Master Bardatsos. The other was a the blog entitled Inadequacy at its Best from December 17th, about how inadequate I felt sparring with the Olympic team members.
For the record, and those who consistently read my blog get "it," but my blog is not about my business. It does not promote my business, I rarely talk about my business. I do talk about, however, my journey as a student becoming a master. Lessons, events, training, projects, and feeling leading up to my 4th Degree test. I want to give an open and honest account of my journey. I believe a master is a humble being, and I find it humbling to be able to admit I do not know everything rather than pretend I do like many masters I have come across.
The Time for Sparring blog was about meeting Master Bardatsos and how he will be able to give me sparring experience that I have never had before and the opportunity to continuously spar these champions on a regular basis. You only get better by working with people who are better than you. So I practice what I preach and do just that! I was once taught to welcome challenges and that one of our human needs is to be challenged. So I continue to apply that lesson. This person wrote in one corner of the blog "First of all you started your own school without Bardatsos. You're making it in this world without Bardatsos. Why cheapen yourself now?"
Some may take that as, oh they are actually complimenting you. Read it again. You have to look at the intention of what is being written. First off they are putting down my mentor. Second, they are saying I am cheapening myself. If admitting I need to go to the best Olympic sparring coach and spar his champions in order to REALLY get better to make myself a better student, therefore an even better teacher is cheapening myself, then yes, I am.
The bottom corner said "Be Yourself. Since when was Peter a 6th Degree? Check for yourself." The night before I received these letters, two of my Black Belts (Sam Volk and Robert Lisciandrello) were with me at Bardatsos and DeGeorge's school. His belt is on the wall with six stripes. We can count. But who would call Master Bardatsos by first name like that I wonder....Yes, Master Bardatsos is registered as a 4th Degree in the Kukkiwon system, but there are many of us that are behind in the Kukkiwon certifications. When I met Master Balon he was a 4th Degree Kukkiwon, but was a 6th Degree Black Belt. There was an overlap for me when I was a 3rd Degree Black Belt but only 2nd Degree Kukkiwon certified. My old master wasn't certified in anything.
Then the bottom said "Great disappointment in you." Working with experts to make myself better is disappointing. Hmph. And this person who sent these letters mention me starting my own school. This blog post had NOTHING to do with my school. Why is it an issue? Well I guess we can't make everyone proud.
The Inadequacy at its Best blog was a very honest account of how insecure I felt sparring these Olympic Taekwondo champs. This is elite sparring. I've NEVER done so much elite sparring before. Advance level with Black Belts, yes, Elite, I never had the chance and consistently at that! Well the anonymous author wrote "I don't get it. You own your own school but you feel inadequate? Nice going! I really want to train with someone who feels inadequate. Not!!!" Woooooooow.
First off, the context of the blog was elite Olympic sparring. Nothing else. Once again, my school is mentioned. Why is business being brought up? And my old master was able to teach me such wonderful things yet not do them himself, so why is it that admitting where I feel inadequate in a blog that brings up accounts of my journey as a student irrelevant? I also think it takes a lot of courage for someone to admit when they feel insecure about something. And that open honesty builds trust in others. I am open and honest, and my readers see the necessary steps I am taking to becoming a greater and better martial artists and one day master. And I don't feel inadequate with anything else, thank you.
I am pretty sure I know who the sender of this hate mail is. Again, I won't voice, nor need to engage. I am a warrior choosing not to engage in war. It's not needed. Someone once told me a long time ago that if I choose to do bigger and greater things in life, be prepared to take the whole package. Envy and jealousy, and ill feelings can follow your successes. I took this lightly at the time. I wonder why both posts this reader chose to send me involved my sparring mentor Master Bardatsos. Hmmmmm....
I am not going to lie, at first it really caught me off guard and I was upset. After talking to family and friends (who also recognized the handwriting), it actually became more comical to me. I think it's cowardly to send a letter like that anonymously in such a negative connotation. No return address, no signature. I also believe that as an adult, its extremely childish and even sad that they took the time out of their day to go out of their way to send and write. Was the effort really necessary? I have all the compassion in the world for this person. They are obviously very hurt, angry, and probably miserable. I hope they feel better sending those letters and acknowledging the fact I am moving forward in my journey.
Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO
3rd Dan Kukkiwon and AAU certified Black Belt
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