Pain

I was really sick several years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago, but sometimes it feels just like yesterday. I called that period of my life "The abyss". I thought it was the worst time of my life, and I would ask "How could things get worse?" But problem with words is that they have power, and the universe feels obligated to answer. So when I ask that question, the universe shows me. Took me a while to ask the question, "How could things get any better?" I liked those answers better.

When I was sick all those years ago, some physical ailments never left me. Trento Trivia: I am in pain every single day. You didn't know? Most don't nor do they see it. And the ones who do, probably overlook it. Physical pain. The way I described it to someone once was like hot knives stabbing into my body. It's never the same places, but on a good day it's just intolerable. You look at me and you'd never know, nor do I show any signs. I'm on the mats and I move and move well.

But the stinging in my sides, the pain in the joints and muscles, the buckling of my knees, the neuropathy in my feet, it's there every day. Why don't I make a bigger deal out of it? One, despite certain peoples' beliefs, I really don't like that attention, and I don't like to make a big deal of things, because quite frankly I've been through worse. There is nothing that has helped me other than oils sometimes, and Qigong.

Recently I've had new symptoms. Plantar Faciitis, spraining tendons, head aches, fatigue, and chest tightness. Hmmm. I wonder. Nothing concerning yet. I have fantastic medical practitioners, but there are a few concerns that I may actually need to see a doctor. Wow. It's a been a while. I'd like to say I'm used to it, but lately the pain has been more excruciating that before. I officiated in Georgia earlier this month, and I cannot tell you the pain I was in that day. I had done a sparring workout a few times, and I did really well, you would never know. But it was limping afterward. But I remember something from my mental training. Mental and emotional can be MORE exhausting than physical. I've had only a few years ago such emotional distress and stress and heart ache that my body wouldn't function properly and it was a real battle. That was worse than any physical pain I been through. So I understand there's always something worse.

In martial arts, sometimes we get beat and bruised. We are conditioning our body and vaccinating it for the real world of combat. A defense mechanism. He strengthen out bodies, and it's proven to also improve the immune system. When I train my students whether it be Taekwondo, HaganaH, of Qigong, there is a level of appropriateness and reasonability that you look out for and do for the safety of the student, and also to realize not everyone can endure pain like I may.

When we officiate we are told "Pain is not an injury". Also in fitness training I teach that "burn" is not "pain", the burn is your friend and your body is getting stronger. But the human condition only processes that is is pain and then the human developed the saying "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Then I must be some kind of real badass LOL. But the concept of pain can be taken a step further.

Remember the old saying, "Hurt people hurt people"? It's very true in a lot of different ways. People who have endured emotional pain lash out and behave horribly to others. Sometimes it inflicts emotional pain to others. People saying things that hurt, or insulting or offending in a way that just crosses lines that are beyond inappropriate. I know once years ago when I was in so much pain internally, my mood and behavior hurt a lot of people who were close to me. Unfortunately they were not strong enough to endure that pain. Recently someone close to me shot down a nice gesture I made to them and I was referred back as if I were some five year old told I was bad or wasn't liked. It hurt me so much. But hurt people hurt people.

I remember when I was at my old school and the neighboring business used to lash out about the music we played and was relentless about it and we went back and forth for a year or two. I couldn't understand why someone could be so miserable. One day I went into his place of business and he wasn't there. There a note saying he'd be out because his wife who has been terminally ill for several years with cancer had passed away. AAAAAhhhhhhhhh! That's why! It made sense. The pain this man was feeling for his ill wife made him so hurt and miserable, it was reasonable for his behavior. That same day, thinking about it a woman cut me off on the road and gave me the middle finger. Normally I'd be upset and angry, but instead I thought "She must have had a bad day, I hope it gets better for her". That experience changed my perspective.

Now, I am not saying these behaviors are RIGHT. I'm saying it's reasonable. When you're able to figure out there's a reason, it helps to perceive the situation differently, and we find a way where we are not in pain because of it, and we can empathize with the hurt people who are lashing out. People handle pain differently. Some lash out and behave horribly. Some pretend it's not there. Some go to the doctor every single little thing. Some avoid participating in life in any which way, or deprive their own children from experiencing life, stunting their growth in more ways than one. Some want to be alone and say alone. Pain changes people. Some make people harder or worse. Pain makes us make bad decisions. Fear or pain is almost as big as the other as a motivator. Pain is also what happens when you care.

A couple years ago I wrote a blog entitles "We All Have Hard". It's one of my favorites and I encourage you to read it, I think everyone should. We all have hard. You can't tell me someone else's hard is worse than another's etc. Instead of ranking each other's pain against another, commiserate on the fact we all have it. It's what we do with it or how we handle it that is most important.

As for me, if I looked at last few months, I've done more than I ever have and I couldn't be happier. I almost feel like I'm back to my old tricks and then some! But my body has not caught up yet. I just need to rest. I refer back to my original life lesson: Just Be. The foundation of everything I have learned these last few years. I am going to JUST BE and let me body catch up, and in the meantime make sure I take precaution in the details. But I'm not worried, because that has never helped me, and anyone else who is, please don't either. No, I'm not being a hero. I just no mine own self. Trust me, this isn't the worst of it. (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO