Don't let time fly by...

Uncle Johny Trento

1927-2011

Time is such a funny thing. It gives you just what you need, and yet it won't give you too much. But that is only if time is used wisely. I always said, the one thing I do have, and I don't have much, but I have time. And my time is precious to me. I have no tolerance for those who waste my time or disrespect my time. But it's never about how much time you have it is about how you use it.

My grandfather was one of four children. I never met Grandpa Fred Trento. He died in 1982 from cancer, and my middle name is after Grandpa Fred. A few months later, his brother my Uncle Frank died, of a broken heart. These two were very close. And then there were two....kind of.

Surviving Grandpa Fred and Uncle Frank were my two great uncles, Johny and Rudy. Growing up, Uncle Rudy was the grandfather to us on the Trento side. He was at every party, every holiday, every occasion on the Trento side. But my Uncle Johny, I only met him 8 years ago. 

Uncle Johny was out of the family's life for 30 plus years. No, there were no arguments nor any fights. He just chose to stay away. I am sure he spoke with my Uncle Rudy here and there, but his wife, our Aunt Dorris, hated Italians (ironic). She never wanted him around the family. And he followed suit. Many many years later, the children are gornw up and there are now grandkids and great-grandkids. And my father got together all the Trento's from New Jersey, New Hampshire, New York, Florida, and Connecticut to come together at Lake George, NY in 2004 for the first Trento Family reunion.

One the second night, when the entire family (50 plus) was getting together for our first Family Dinner, who drove up at the very moment we were gathering together, but Uncle Johny. I do not know who was more surprised. My Uncle Rudy who mentioned to him but never heard back, my Grandma Cynthia who hadn't seen her brother-in-law for many years, or my father. 

There was only one way Uncle Johny was greeted: with love. All the cousins (first cousins, second cousins, third cousins), all the nephews and nieces, and all the in-laws hugged and kissed my Uncle Johny and he was overwhelmed by the great amount of love he was given, even after many years of being absent. He had dinner with us, we shared pictures with him, he played the piano there for hours and we all sat around him and he loved being the center of attention! He hung out with us by the Lake the next day, and was in the very first GROUP Trento picture. When he all got back to our homes, he sent all of us a wonderful heart-felt email.

That was in 2004, and I am sure Aunt Dorris gave him hell because he never came back to a family reunion. I always thought about Uncle Johny here and there. After all, he was my grandfather's brother. And I really do appreciate the presence of a person more than the average person. Growing up, I was lucky enough to meet my great grandparents and great-great aunts on my mother's side. When they passed away, I was very young and it had a profound affect on me. I learned to appreciate being with people and making my time with people count more than anyone knows. Some people think I am too sentimental, but I have lost at a young age to understand this concept of appreciating the time you have with people.

A couple of months ago, my Uncle Johny fell and was lying in his garage for about twelve hours before he was found. My aunt had the beginning of Alzheimers, and didn't know what was going on, nor whether he was around or not. He and his wife were brought to a nursing home and then an assisted living home in Paramus, NJ. My Uncle Rudy and Aunt Marie really went out of their way to helping my Uncle Johny out. Again, despite years of absence, the family came together to help Uncle Johny in need.

My father and his first cousins went to visit him and for the last couple of months, to a few weeks ago, phone calls up the wazoo were made to Uncle Johny! Cousins from out of state, my grandmother, our local Jerseyians, to the farther down Jerseyians. 

He had three brain tumors in his head, each with a different cancer, and he didn't want anything to be done with them. He signed to having no medication or treatment and if he became incoherent  he did not want to be fed, only made comfortable. That was his will. Some of the family spoke to him about a week ago before he went away for our Trento Family Reunion which was held in Rhode Island. We thought maybe we would have a few weeks, if we're lucky maybe a couple of months.

Saturday night we had our GROUP Trento dinner and we had a blessing for our Aunt Teresa who passed away this past winter, and a blessing for Uncle Rudy and Grandma Cyn who have a few things to deal with, and a special blessing for Uncle Johny, knowing we did not have much time with him left, but he hoped he felt the love of his family.

While we were in Rhode Island, we came to learn he became incoherent. Hospice was with with him, they gave him a hospital bed in his room, and we came to learn he probably would not make it to the end of the week. Uncle Johny was the only topic of conversation this morning at the hotel while we had breakfast. We said our goodbyes and drove back to our homes.

The whole ride down, I thought about Uncle Johny. I tried to read, then play a few games, but then I just layed back with my eyes closed and thought about that first reunion and him playing the piano. I wish I went to go spend more time with him. I thought to myself, if not tonight, maybe tomorrow evening I'll go visit him. Whether he can hear me or not, just to be in the same room with him and see him. 

I taught my classes tonight, full of energy, I even did the cardio class with the ladies that I taught to get my mind off of Uncle Johny. Then a few calls back to some friends, voicing my thought about Uncle Johny. Well when I got home, I walked in only for my father to tell me that Uncle Johny did in fact die today. He went to go visit him, but he was not there.

Don't ever let time fly by you. Take the time to really appreciate the presence of every individual you come in contact with. If you live every day like it is your last, and spend the time with the people you are with with laughs and love, you will never regret the time you have and have HAD with people. At the same time, MAKE time for the people you love. Uncle Johny missed a lot of years of his nephews and nieces by staying away, but even though he let time fly by, the family took whatever little time we had left with him, and made sure he knew he was still loved.

Do not let petty arguments and judgments, stupid grudges and opinions hold you back from enjoying every waking minute with the people who are worth the time and energy, especially when it comes to family. Yes, you will have differences and quarrels, and yes there are those relatives who you absolutely cannot stand. But you can take that magnifying glass out, and find that small spec of good in that person, and learn to use your time to enjoy that little spec. Never let time fly by!!

Rest in peace Uncle Johny.....We love you and will miss you....

Yours in service,

A TRENTO