Last week, I began after a four year leave of absence, I have returned to college to finish my degree at Montclair State University. I had a lot of people nagging me, and busting my chops about HAVING to go back to school. I have a lot of opinions of my own about schooling. I even wrote a blog once on ability vs accreditation. But those aren't the reasons I didn't go back.
My priorities are a little different. Some may think they're messed up. I don't care. Think what you want. My original plan was to go to school, become a teacher. Save enough money to start my own martial arts school. Start my own martial arts school, then save money for a house. Well everything went hay-wire and the business started first. And quite honestly, that is what I wanted to do. That was my dream, that is my career choice, it is what I will do for life. Some still don't think so, think what you want.
So I am already teaching what I love to teach. But when I set a goal, I must do it. So even after my business opened, why didn't I go back? I'm stubborn. There were certain things I WANTED to do before going back. They were MY priorities. And family and friends all come up with their own reasons of what they thought were MY reasons for not being back yet etc etc etc. Because everyone has a PhD in Trento-thinking =/ .
Bottom line, I stuck to my word to myself and no one else. I did everything I said I would before going back. Some people thought I wouldn't. Some people thought I was making excuses. Some people thought I was BS-ing everyone. No. There were some political issues with my university too that had to be dealt with. Four years IS a long time and some dusting the nooks and crannies in the process had to be done. But I did it. Problem with OTHER people is that it's not in THEIR time. Well too bad. Let time take its course. I am the one who has to do it.
And thank God I didn't finish when I did. I would NOT have been happy with what I was going for. I would have been miserable and its money wasted. But I have a very good plan. But I am going back simply for this reason: I WANT TO. As long as it's a goal of mine it'll be done. Not a top priority. The "older generation" of people (mostly who never even went to college) feel it's the only way you can move forward in life and set a strong foundation for yourself.
I got news for you. Many of my old classmates who graduated with their degrees still have NO JOBS! And also, I may know at least a dozen adults with families with degrees and either have NO job or a job that has NOTHING to do with their degree. And the crazy thing is, I LOVE what I do already without my degree! I WILL get my degree and further my education. But there is a VERY good chance I may never use it. But it's a goal of mine and I will get it.
Sitting in a classroom at MSU again was great. I had a mixture of excitement and a little bit of "what the hell were you thinking??" in my head LOL. But I am happy to be there. One is a writing class required of me based on literature. I wasn't keen on it but I HAVE to take it. I have already made my presence known in the class hee hee. And Psychology is my major and that is the other class I am taking which I LOVE. Three nights a week after my teaching. So I am in love with the schedule.
I think of The Facts of Life episode where Edna Garrett goes back to college. She thinks she is crazy and too old to be doing it. But truly, you're never too old. And you can always learn. So if it's something you want to do, there are always opportunities to get your education for whatever your motivation for doing it is. Whether it's a career, money, or just to be educated! There are no right or wrong reasons!
"Tonight I want to tell you the story of an empty stocking. Once upon a
midnight clear, there was a child's cry. A blazing star hung over a
stable and wise men came with birthday gifts. We haven't forgotten that
night down the centuries; we celebrate it with stars on Christmas trees,
the sound of bells and with gifts. But especially with gifts. You give
me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange
squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe. We forget nobody,
adult or child. All the stockings are filled... all that is, except one.
And we have even forgotten to hang it up. The stocking for the child
born in a manger. It's his birthday we are celebrating. Don't ever let
us forget that. Let us ask ourselves what he would wish for most... and
then let each put in his share. Loving kindness, warm hearts and the
stretched out hand of tolerance. All the shining gifts that make peace
on earth."
-Bishop Broughm, The Bishop's Wife (1947)
You know when you are younger and something makes such a great impression on you? And that impression at first is simply something you absolutely love, but then one day you realize how much it really influences you as a person? In your goals, your actions, your perspective, your feel for life?
Every Christmas I watch my favorite Christmas movie, and my favorite Carey Grant movie called The Bishop's Wife. I am very close with my grandfather and growing up I would watch Turner Classic Movie or AMC (when it was good) and learned very young to appreciate old classics and stars that unfortunately very few people know today. I also grew up knowing my great grandparents and great great aunts and uncles and having a relationship with them. That has influenced me to appreciate all people I come in contact with and to share all I enjoy. And when I got very sick in my teens, I also learned that not every day is a given and you should go for what you want and believe in.
These are a few major influences to why I am the person I am today, besides martial arts training. However, this movie I found as I watched it was yet another MAJOR influence on my life, I never realized it until I watched it again this past Christmas.
The movie in a nut shell is this once loved Bishop has become an ambitious workaholic, trying to raise funds to build a cathedral, rubbing elbows with the rich, and neglecting his wife, child, and work. He prays so hard when he becomes so overwhelmed that an angel (Carey Grant) named Dudley appears to help him. Dudley at first seemed to be no help at all. In fact, the Bishop nearly rejected he could do anything to help him. But his guidance turns out not to be about fundraising...
Everyone Dudley came in contact with was affected in the most positive way, touched by the soul, and left him transformed. I remember how much I wanted to be just like Dudley. I wanted to be the guy who made amazing things happen for people and the audience would be in awe. The opening of the movie is Dudley the angel walking the streets of NY city and walking the blind man across the street, stopping the oncoming traffic dead in its spot to do so or stopping the baby carriage from rolling into the street.When people first met him, they were mesmerized by his smile and pleasant personality.
When Dudley first visits, he organizes the mail for the Bishop and the Bishop sneers, "Isn't that petty work for an angel? I think you are wasting time on unimportant details." And Dudley's response is "Ah, nothing is unimportant. We are interested even in the lowliest sparrow." O.M.G. That is me. I am all about the details. In my training, in my work, in my conversations, the smallest detail is important to me. I remember hearing that when I was a boy in this movie, remembering the smallest little thing even has importance, and so I saw in my own experience growing up.
One of my most favorite parts of the movie is when Dudley runs into the Bishop's wife, Julia, and their daughter Debbie in the park. The kids on the playground rejected little Debbie and wouldn't let them in their snow ball "battle." Dudley showed up and walked up with Debbie asking is she could play. One boy said "She can't throw a snowball as far as I could spit," leading the others away laughing. Dudley mutters, we'll show them, puts a snowball in Debbie's hand, and magically as she throws it hits the kid square in the middle of the head! And before you know it, the full fledged acceptance, all the kids were fighting to have her on their team. What a magical moment from Dudley!
Another scene, Dudley takes Julia to a French restaurant and Julia says that he scares her because he knows so much and that he seemed to know himself so well, when she knew so little about herself. And hence came one of my most favorite quotes about age and beauty. Julia thought a problem of living in this world is that people grow old. And Dudley says "Those who grow old were born old to begin with." He says youth and beauty are two things that remain constant and they are one in the same. As "old" as I may act sometimes, I live my life to be young and never allow myself to grow "old" in the sense Dudley talks about.
My other most favorite scene of the movie is when Julia and Dudley go to the Bishop's old church to hear their all boy choir do a rehearsal. However when they arrive only two boys are there. And Dudley begins talking to one boy and has him begin singing. As the two boys sing, Dudley just points to different entrances and slowly but surely all the boys come from different directions joining in on this beautiful performance. I remember seeing this as a boy and its impact still gives me goosebumps to this day, such a celestial moment! Could I have that celestial power one day? Like Dudley?
Another saying I always have used all my life, and forgot where the quote even came from until I watched the movie again was from Sylvester the taxi driver. He asks Dudley and Julia "Do you know the trouble with the world today?!" And Dudley answered he has heard many iterations and inquired what his was. Sylvester says "The trouble with the world today is that there are too many people not knowing where they're going and they're trying to get there too fast!" (A future blog).
As they drive through Central Park they decide to go ice skating and Dudley out of no where invites this perfectly good stranger who drove their taxi to go ice skating. The entire scene is yet again a magical masterpiece as the three mesmerize all in the park ice skating and Dudley transforming Sylvester into this ice skating professional! He charged them nothing at the end of their route stating he has been paid through his new found faith in human nature that Dudley and Julia presented to him.
Whenever I go someplace, like out to eat, or at a cash register, I always look at the name tag and call them by their names. Why? Because they are people. I remember my friend Jessie and I going out to eat and having the time of our lives with whoever our waiter and waitress were, knowing their whole life story by the end of the night and having an enthusiastic time. Just like Dudley did with this stranger of a taxi driver. How many smiles did I put on for strangers I never knew over my lifetime, because I remembered Dudley's interaction with Sylvester? Imagine that...
And of course the rich snob Ms Hamilton who was transformed from this stuck up, egotistical, stingy example of a woman to a soft, gentle, charitable, sympathetic philanthropist. And it was all because Dudley gave this woman what no one was willing to give: ultimate understanding and perspective. He was willing to hear his story and empathize, to understand her, and give her a new perspective. I wanted to have that effect with anyone I ever talked to. I learned from Dudley to have appropriate means of empathy and understanding.
I never realized how much that movie inspired me and influenced me. It's a remarkable, feel good movie. And a lot of lessons from the angel Dudley. And there are great lessons that I myself want to continue to live by and teach. I want to be like Dudley and have that positive affect on all I come in contact with, being sure people are accepted into the world, live their lives with youth and beauty, not rush their way through life aimlessly, treating people with respect and warmth, giving an understanding and empathetic ear, and making sure we make "our little planets" a wonderful place to be (see video below).
"The most fundamental kind of love, which underlies all types of love, is brotherly love. By this I mean the sense of responsibility, care, respect, knowledge of any other human being, the wish to further his life..."
"...This is the kind of love the Bible speaks of when it says: love thy neighbor as thyself. Brotherly love is love for all human beings; it is characterized by its very lack of exclusiveness..."
"...If I have developed the capacity for love, then I cannot help loving my brothers (or sisters). In brotherly love there is the experience of union of all men, of human solidarity..."
"...Brotherly love is based on the experience that we are all one. The differences in talents, intelligence, knowledge are negligible in comparison with the identity of the human core common to all men..."
"...In order to experience this identity it is necessary to penetrate from the periphery to the core. If I perceive in another person mainly the surface, I perceive mainly the differences, that which separates us. If I penetrate to the core, I perceive our identity, the fact of our brotherhood..."
-Eric Fromm, author of The Art of Loving (Harper & Row 1956)
"It is this quality of brotherly love which can enable you to communicate fully with the people in your world. Without this ability, you would be separate and fearful and you would beforced either to withdraw from life or to distort its true value...."
"...Your self-image can thrive on identification with other people and compassion for their needs, since this helps you to better accept your own problems and appreciate your own virtues. We are our brother's keepers. God meant it so...."
"...Too often we forget this, being embroiled in the dog-eat-dog competitiveness of modern civilization. But actually, when we love other, we are closer to ourselves and to a healthy self-image."
-Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-Cydnernetics (1964)
Have you ever watched the Christmas movie It's A Wonderful Life? It's first and foremost an absolute classic. And I don't care how old it is, the message and feel of that movie truly captures the true essence of being a human being. We are all born into a family. We have parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. But there are in some instances we create our own families in different ways.
The final message in the movie It's A Wonderful Life from the angel says "REMEMBER, NO MAN IS A FAILURE WHO HAS FRIENDS." And ain't it the truth. I know I myself am guilty of getting so wrapped up in the stresses of life, and sometimes unhappy things occur in life and people will upset me, events will upset me, but if I just remember to step outside of myself, I realize I still AM! I am BEING. No matter how horrible anything is, I can still enjoy life! I can still smile about something! I can still laugh about something! I can do something that makes me happy! I CAN!
Does it make the bad things go away? No. But I can still be happy and laugh in this life we are given as a gift and that so many take for granted. I am truly blessed to have some heavy hitter friends in my arsenal. Some I have had for what feels like the beginning of time. Some I have shared some of my greatest moments with. Some I have shared some of my worst moments with. Some I have transitioned with. Some are very new with my adventures.
I have been educated quite a bit on the essence of friendship and the love we have for our friends. I sometimes love my friends more than they may love me. I care very much about them. Their presence is the greatest treasure for me. To spend time with them, to share great moments with them, to endure tragic moments with them, all of these things have grown my friendships and strengthened them.
I love the TV show Friends and these group of friends sometimes share so much more of their lives with each other then they do with their own families sometimes! I can relate because the adventures and events I have shared with my friends are just so momentous that you can't help but put great value on them. But each of my closest of closest friends contribute so much to the person I am today, as I hope I contribute to them.
Maria and I have been friends since the first grade and we still make it a point to be in each other's lives!
They are very loyal, and will do me no wrong. Do you know how hard it is to really understand and strain out the people who can live to such a stature? I have learned there are "fun friends" whom you may always have in your life but their purpose is to have such wonderful fun with, good laughs, and enjoy time with. But thats it. They won't be there if you need them, God forbid it was urgent. You can't confide in them. And sometimes your values are very off alignment. This does not make them bad people by any means! But they aren't your truest of friends. But they definitely are fun friends whom you love for who they are and the times you spend. Even if its only a couple times a year.
But true friends. Phew. Wow. Not only do you enjoy their company and have great laughs, but your values are the same. Whats important to you is important to them and vice versa. They give you phenomenal support in whatever they do and you would support them unconditionally in whatever they do. Especially when you don't understand what it is they do. They're the ones who accept you entirely for who you are and accept you WITH all your flaws and shortcomings, and they are just as acceptable and lovable with theirs to you! True friends you can be brutally honest with, and they can be with you. Their perspective on life can be like yours, your rights and wrongs, the ones who cannot seem to figure life out without them.
I am blessed for my friends. I love them so much. My history with each is magical. Their importance in life they will never truly comprehend. It is my union with them that I better understand myself and the world I live in. It is the union I have with them that WE collectively make this world a better place. I thank them all so much for their continuous love, support, understanding, and love. And I hope for them I do the same. It's nice to know I will always have these people in my life. And it's a comfort to know they care. (BOWS)
When I first met Sifu's father, Master Frank Yee, he spoke of the importance of tradition. He said tradition is important, but so is innovation. I am for the most part a very traditional person. My traditions are very important to me. When we are younger, we grow up with many many traditions that are passed down to us through our families, and as we get older we create our very own original traditions whether it be with family or friends.
Traditions, to me, are wonderful gifts. I do not believe myself to be a very materialistic things. Of course all people like THINGS, tangible "toys" and gadgets and gizmos. But even like this past holiday season, I'm not very big on receiving presents. My greatest present is PRESENCE! BEING with the people whom I love so much. And I of course hope that my own presence is present enough for the ones I share my time with.
My favorite holiday happens to be Christmas. And yes, like everyone else, it's for the gifts. But not the ones you wrap with wrapping paper and tie with a bow. It's the gift of being with PEOPLE! THAT is my favorite gift. That means more to me than anything in the world. I was lucky enough to grow up knowing my great grandparents and grea-great aunts. They were so much fun. And I was able to enjoy TRADITIONS with them that we continue to this day, and even though they are not around, I feel their PRESENCE! What a gift!
Christmas time I have MANY traditions! One of those traditions is the Alumni Sing. Saddle Brook High School always ends it's holiday concerts with Carol of the Bells, Do You Hear What I Hear?, and The Hallelujah Chorus and all alumni in the audience is asked to come up to sing. I have not missed one since I graduated. My own family sometimes attends, being alumni themselves. It's something I look forward to every year, and sometimes I even feel that the one who started the tradition, Mr. Broadhurst, is even present with us, smiling ear to ear.
Me singing with the SBHS Alumni
Another holiday tradition I have is the red Christmas book. My Aunt Lisa began it in the 80s, where for twenty Christmases, she would have family sign the book, put pictures in it, write what was done, who attended etc. When she finished her twenty years worth of her book, we looked at it and it was one of the most wonderful things to review. We got to remember what babies were born within that time and view their first Christmases, who was still in high school, who got married that year, but what was even more heart whelming was seeing the handwriting of those relatives no longer with us. My Uncle Bobby who passed in 1991 wrote beautiful messages to the family, my great great aunts, my great grandparents, friends who joined and passed, it was a beautiful things to see.
And of course the MAJOR Christmas tradition that has been passed down for five generations in my mother's family is the traditional fish dinner. Started by my great-great grandmother, there are a series of recipes that we always make and have when we celebrate Christmas with my mother's family. Shrimp scampi, shrimp cocktail, scunguili, seasfood salad, muscles, stuffed clams, alege sauce over pasta, calamari, we go all out! We always prepare on the 23rd of December, make a HUGE tray of muscles for that night and for of course our Christmas gathering. And even if we give the recipes out, they somehow never make it like us. I think because the spirits of our relatives who cooked this before us are PRESENT!
I also traditionally spend new years eve with the Peracchio family, whom I love so much. My Aunt Chris and Uncle Frank, and Frankie and I laugh and laugh and laugh. We also eat, and eat, and eat. LOL! And evry Super Bowl I spend with Robert! We have never missed a Super Bowl in six years (which is coming up).
Jessie and Robert at my traditional Super Bowl party in 2010
Traditions are important to keep around because they keep us connected, they keep us alive, they are important to our being happy. Unfortunately, some traditions are put to a halt. Some even compromised. I used to taditionally celebrate a friend's birthday that we no longer do, or spend Halloween watching scary movies with someone that I no longer do, or sing White Christmas every year with a teacher until she retired. I get very very sad when traditions are not continued. Kristin used to go cutting down a Christmas tree with her parents but this year they bought a new fake one. "What? We don't have any traditions anymore!?"
Hold onto all your traditions. Keep traditions alive at all times. Traditions keep the gift alive of PRESENCE in people's lives. Today is never a given. Tomorrow is never insured. We make the best of today, enjoy today, and the people we have today. And when we are given the gifts of presence, we must not let them go by unappreciated or acknowledged. Many people spend more time complaining about things not happening the way they want, not getting the things they want, listing all the things wrong and the things people have done wrong to them, but when you step back, you realize either way, life goes on. Life goes on, there are opportunities to laugh and enjoy time, and enjoy your PRESENCE in life, and others.
2013 has begun! It is going to be a phenomenal year! I FEEL it! Me personally, I have a lieu of goals, plans, and training to be doing. I have planned my entire year out for my own personal training, being able to do all the routines, cycles, and drills that I have created over the years for one entire year. I will be consistent for this entire year working with all the mentors including Master Balon once a month, Master DeJesus a couple times a month, Masters Bardatsos and DeGeorge on Wednesdays, Charlene on Tuesdays, Professor Sargese once or twice a month, and Mr. Valentino once a month.
Of course I will also be training consistently with MY master, Master Yee (Sifu) in Hung Ga Kung Fu and Qigong, doing master level training as I learn the principles, applications, and fundamentals of this Chinese discipline which has already made TREMENDOUS improvements in my Taekwondo. TMAFC is growing and improving, including my entirely revamped and updated curriculum for the Taekwondo program, the standards and expectations written out, testing requirements, Demo Team agendas and goals, a new Leadership Team, new competition goals for the students, a brand new Preschool Little Dragons Program, revamped sparring curriculum, revamped self-defense curriculum, improved Hypnosis program, and service projects.
Also personally, I am in high hopes of returning to college to finish my Bachelors degree as it was a goal of mine to complete within the next few years and possibly work on my Masters degree for future goals. I have personal projects regarding my training I want to complete, and follow through with good habits such as eating habits, daily habits, business habits, etc.
I want to keep up with this blog at least three times a week to share the journey and lessons I learn as a young master through my own experiences in teaching, training, and every day life occurrences. I hope what I share inspires, welcomes debate, is thought provoking, and entertaining. Here's to a wonderful New Year!
