Family

"A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity."

-Robert Hall 

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."

-Pam Brown 

"Friendship is held to be the severest test of character. It is easy, we think, to be loyal to a family and clan, whose blood is in your own veins."
-Charles Alexander Eastman

I absolutely love Adam Sandler's movie Grown Ups. It's about these five friends who have been friends for over 30 years. They played basketball together when kids, been to each others' weddings and as adults they've kept in touch but gone on with their own lives. The death of the former basketball coach brings them all together again, and they spend a weekend at an old cabin with each others family and have the most wonderful time as if no time as passed by. And all they do is LAUGH and have a good time.

Well I can completely understand the feeling. When I did martial arts, I went through the ranks with four other people whom I hold closest to my heart. Kristin Barrett was the oldest, Nina Harkhani was next, then came Kenneth (Kenny) Perez, then Julie Feliciano (my TKD sister), and then came me, the baby. I dubbed us the name, the Friars. We are now known as the Friars of Old. I trust this group, love this group, and share so much with these individuals. Not just martial arts, however, I think it had a great part to do with our bond. Or at least set a great foundation. 

(The Friars of Old, from left to right: Kenneth Perez, Julie Feliciano, Andrew Trento, Nina Harkhani, and Kristin Barrett.)

(The Friars of Old at Six Flags in 2005)

We've been through a lot together in our lives, and we have always been a part of what is going on in each others lives. For many years I tried to get us to do things together to keep up "Friar traditions" but it gets harder as we get older. But we do often get together, even if it's not all of us, and when all five of us do get together, it's such a treat. 

All of my truest friend, or at least a great majority of them, are through the martial arts. This is no exaggeration. I believe it is not a coincidence (although maybe a coincide-ance), but martial arts is like no other activity. I kid you not, almost every person I ever met through martial arts I keep in touch with or is still in my life in some way. Kristin and I created at our old school with our former master, a kind of family. But you wanna know something? We WERE a family.

Family is who you laugh with, who you cry with, who you spend the best times with, the ones who you spend the worst times with. Family are there for you no matter what, they understand you better than anyone else, and family helps you become a better person. Family protects you, family stands up for you, family supports you, family is honest with you. And over the years, even at a young age, we created family members and people whom will be in our lives forever. 

And like every family, there are generations. I went through four generations with my old master. And when I went solo, family members from throughout those generations came back and were joined with a brand new generation that was being created in the post-TMAFC days. It was awesome. It was almost magical how close the bond of this family was. I always questioned whether I could do it again, like I did in the past. Well I not only did it, but I have continued to do it. 

 (My family at the 2004 Junior Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia on my 15th Birthday)

When I did events like Black Belt tests and belt tests, and even my own belt test, the family members would all come out of the woodwork to share these wonderful events. Mother and fathers of students, and students themselves, you name it, family is family. It was awe-inspiring to see them all come together for something that meant so much to them, but even greater to see the LOVE they have for the people that continue to mean so much to them. And when I continued to do tests AFTER I opened, without hesitation, they would come back if I asked and I am so grateful. 

The Family at TMAFC's FIRST Black Belt Test

The Family at TMAFC's SECOND Black Belt test

Family members at my 3rd Dan test

 And then of course one of the biggest reunions of my family members was when  I opened TMAFC. People who I have not seen in years showed up, just to show their support! They came in numbers! Teenager and young adults now, their parents from the "olden days" and some of the Friars as well! I remember Kristin and Kenny sitting and I was walking by and  hear them saying to each other "I just can't believe this," meaning all the people who came back to share this event. The LOVE from this family we created so long ago is overwhelming.  And it continues to grow.

It is nice to call these students "my own" because they truly are MY OWN. They are part of this family and when they come to my center, they do not realize what they're getting themselves into. It's ALL GOOD, and it's something they will never forget. Friends for life, but a true ever-lasting family. To grow as wonderful people which is an aim of the martial arts, and to watch others accomplishments and success and sharing yours with each other, nothing can truly express the bonds and connection like the LOVE we all have for each other. And you feel it instantly! Even in my fitness classes, there is none of that intimidation factor that you get at a gym. We are family, and we have a great time with each other and support each other.

In the Chinese martial arts, it is my understanding that the people whom you train with are literally part of your "ancestry" of your training. Your training brothers and sisters and fathers and uncles and cousins, etc. So Kristin would be technically be considered my sister, according to Chinese martial arts. And they hold a shrine in their training areas to honor those ancestors who's legacy of the arts is passed down. They really had the right idea. 

And we always pay tribute to those who made a difference in our training and our lives. It was a GIFT to have all the instructors and Black Belts come together for the first time in a dozen years for Kristin's test last month! Energy is a very real thing. But I was also taught many years ago about SYNERGY! Synchronizing several energies together! And our energies will forever be connected!

Family reunion at TMAFC Grand Opening June 5, 2010

TMAFC First Belt test Sept 24, 2010

Owen's Jr BB Test Sept 10, 2011

Kristin Barrett's test Sept 17, 2011

So tonight, my Black Belts and I were invited to dinner to another student's home. Today I had a husband and wife belt test for low yellow belt. The husband is a chef and invited us all over for a special dinner to celebrate their yellow belt and to enjoy each others company. And THAT is exactly what we did. We told stories, asked questions, poked fun, LAUGHED, LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED until we were waterlogged from all the tears we had in our eyes from laughing so hard. I felt exactly how I feel when I am with the Friars of Old.

I am also reminded of the guys from Grown Ups. A long time ago, I had a group of friends just like that. However, there was an unfortunate split, and it hurt me bad. There seems to be some hope now for this group, but the one non-martial arts person in that group did taint a very good thing. But the love from a true family can heal anything, and that truth is such a comfort. I swear, that movie Grown Ups reminds me of us so much, it's such a feel-good movie when I watch it because I can relate to it so well. But I ALSO felt just like those guys from Grown Ups tonight!

We had a magnificent meal, we were so grateful and so happy to be with each other. And my student's children were just as happy to be around with us as well, and so well behaved! Even THEY may start training at the school! But as we ate dinner, a few times I would, as I often do, take a step back to look in on the outside so to speak, and take in everything. I am with three of my Black Belts whom I love unconditionally, whether they know it or not, and am so proud of the young adults they have become. They are also some of my closest friends in the world, just as the Friars were for me. Also a close family friend of mine was invited to join us and fit RIGHT IN with this group. And we are graciously welcomed to this home of these two students and he called us his new FAMILY.

For me, if this does not represent a new beginning, I don't know what does! I felt nothing but LOVE in that house with this group of individuals, and I was so happy to be with them. And even more proud to call them MY FAMILY. And I am so happy that the generations continue to overlap, and the brothers and sisters and cousins continue to keep the LOVE alive. I guess, as a master, I would love that to be my true legacy. The Loving Family!

My "Last" Birthday

“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained.”

-Winston Churchill

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO