A Master Disappointment

I began training in the martial arts in 1998. I trained under my master for ten years at his school until 2008. They really were some of the best years of my life. I started very young and pretty much grew up at the school. From a young boy of an age with a single digit to entering adulthood, I spent most of my time at my martial arts school. Yeah, I loved it that much. I took my training very seriously, and was a very good student. But for eight of those years I also taught, and found a new love within the martial arts, which was sharing what I knew and seeing other get better.

I loved and respected my master more than anything else. He was my life mentor, my training was so well rounded, and I excelled. I would have done anything for my master, and I did. But my doing everything and anything for him had it's consequences, for me and for others who followed. No matter what though, I stood behind him. After all, he was my master. A true martial arts student gives his master the utmost respect no matter what.

Well there came a day, where things changed and truth hurts. The truth of who your master really is. My master had a reputation for YEARS of not being able to practice what he preached. And you know what, it was true. And it hurt me more knowing it, and turning the cheek, choosing not to believe it was true. But the real low blow was realizing, and then years later experiencing that all he invested in us was not time, not emotion. You may think that might be the right thing to do as a teacher, but this is martial arts. This is a personal experience. This is not your regular every day kind of activity.

Over the years, my master hurt many people. Entire families would leave bitter, hurt, and with anger close to hatred. I am not exaggerating. I never knew someone who was disliked by so many people. Every where I turn, and find people who know or knew him, no where can I find true genuine likeness for this man. I was probably the only one at one time.

The earliest story I can think of is one of my former instructors leaving our school and was so damaged by the experience she wanted nothing to do with martial arts every again, he ruined it for her. Only recently, a dozen years later, did we get her to come to a Black Belt test here as a spectator. The years in between, families would leave and have nothing nice to say. Then the real kicker was when my dear friend Kristin Barrett was let go, and the whole situation was blown out of proportion. My attitude changed big time toward him after that, and I almost left with everyone else, but something kept me there. One reason was for the students, I didn't feel I could leave them. The second, I knew I didn't get everything I needed from my training with him. Although he could not practice what he preached, it didn't mean what he was preaching wasn't good stuff.

I don't know what Kristin felt about me staying for those years after her departure, but I kept her memory alive as much as I could in a positive light and would not allow him or anyone else try to sabotage her in any way. Maybe it was another reason I stayed. Then there was me. Many people tell me and have TOLD me before and after my time at my old school, he was threatened by me. I never wanted to believe the possibility to ever be true, but evidence is strong. His way of thinking and reasoning is so distorted, it's almost scary. No, worse--it's a disappointment. He tried to limit me and control my personal life and tell me I could not have outside contact with my FRIENDS and their families outside the school. Well the families themselves fought this and had approached him. Then the CSI agent I believe to be, got enough "evidence" to prove I went "against policy" when the families TOLD HIM it was none of his business, and let me go. But I fought, and threw all the lessons in his face he ever taught me. You know what? He didn't apply any of it. The opportunities were there, but he took the high road. What a disappointment.

How could someone who can teach me such wonderful lessons like the simple lessons of water not be able to live the life martial arts has to offer? He may claim he can, but his history is plain as can be. But I forgave him. Yes I did. A month later, I was able to get bring myself to forgive him and make a decision to move forward by starting my own school. And if anything, he did me the greatest favor ever, as so many people have said before about themselves.

When I left the school, I returned to see three belt tests within three months. I was invited by the families of the students I once taught, and they were very happy to see me. I did nothing wrong, and I wasn't going to let him make it like I did or his reasons having any serious reasoning. By the third belt test, he actually asked me not to return and we had words. But you know what? We ended up leaving on good terms and hug and say "we're okay." Well one of my friends was having his last belt test there, and really wanted me there. His father went to speak to him and he told my master his son's ex-karate friends are coming to the test, he hopes there won't be a problem. He said "Sure anyone, except Andrew Trento." WHAT?! "Andrew Trento is forbidden on the premises."

FORBIDDEN ON THE PREMISES?? After leaving with a hug saying "We're good?" you're going to re-neg like that? He played me. I was angry, but didn't want to start trouble. But my friend pushed me, he really wanted me there and I told him my intentions of going are to support him, not be spiteful. Well we all stood outside the school at the end of February 2009 with a Poke'mon blanket around us a cheered him on from outside. I was OUTSIDE the premises, not on them! I bowed to my old master when I saw him, I waved, I said hello--he ignored me, gave me the cold shoulder. He was pissed. But I did nothing wrong, and he couldn't make me out as if I did. I was nice to him. He was not in return. I closed the doors from that point, he wanted to start this Battle of the Sirs and I was not engaging.

I opened my own school officially in 2010, it just so happens to be in the same town as him. Not intentional, it was the best location and deal I could get. Ten months ago, I went to the martial arts store to buy boards. You have to be buzzed in to get inside. When I got in, I looked into the room and there was only one man there, and it wasn't the supply man....it was my old master. First time in almost two years we meet. It took 20 awkward seconds for us both to realize who we were looking at. Then I finally walked up to him and bowed and said "Hello Sahbumnim...how are you?" and I shook his hand, or more of me placing my hand in his and shaking it. He said nothing to me. He was writing out a check and then he went looking for the supply owner. I kept conversation light and joked a little, he made faces. Then he tried to open the locked door and couldn't open the door--he couldn't get out of there fast enough. I made a comment "They bolt us in here, eh? haha" He smirked and then got the door open and left.

He didn't say one thing to me! NOT ONE! That was his moment and he missed it! And I was once again, polite and kind. Well history repeats itself. This past June, Kristin runs into him at PetSmart! He saw her first, had a little smirk and said an abrupt "hello Kristin." She responded "hey" and went around him and his dog. My old master, his wife, and daughter were at a pet training class at PetSmart -____-, figures. When the class ended, they remained behind and didn't leave until Kristin left the store because in order to leave the store they would have to walk past her and they wouldn't. Real mature, eh? I had several missed phone calls from Kristin, she knew I would understand that flipped stomach feeling. I never had so many missed phone calls from her, I called back saying "Who died??"

But it's not only Kristin and I. Another former Black Belt adult student ran into him at a restaurant, who has done NOTHING to him, and he was snubbed. Two women signed up at my school but asked first if I was associated with his school. I said no and they were so grateful because they didn't want to run into any of "those people." I was there ten years, I don't remember these women so it must have been before my time when they had an altercation with him. And the competition we went to at the beginning of the month, I ran into an old student who is at a new school and his mother told us how she left because of "Sir". Shocker.

Well this is my latest qualm with my old master, who does not live like a master. Last month I had two Black Belt tests. Students of his came to support, even participate in the tests. I welcomed his students with open arms as guests, called his Black Belts by last name (which is what you're supposed to do to Black Belts regardless of age for respect) and had them help as well. I acknowledged them, asked how they were doing, wished them best of luck, told them they are always welcome, etc, the whole nine yards.

Well last week, some of those students Black Belt tested at my master's school. MY students wanted to go and be spectators since THEY supported them at their tests. Well little Owen went with his mother, and another Black Belt girl of mine, and my master did not say ONE thing to them, nor approached them AT ALL. THEN another Black Belt of mine, Andrew Kranich, went after classes to be supportive. He was still in uniform from being in class, so you can obviously see he is a Black Belt. Well my master walks by him and Andrew bows politely and says "Hello, Sir." My old master DID NOT bow back, looked at him and just said "Mr. Andrew.." and walked on.

EXCUSE ME?! You call Black Belts by their last name number, one! It should have been Mr. Kranich! Two, he can't bow back!? What a disappointment. I treated his students with respect, made them feel welcome, kept things light hearted, and I called HIS Black Belts by last name, he cannot return that respect to MY students? Shame on him. SHAME. ON. HIM. I am so disappointed. And to all his students who read this blog, you are always more than welcome to come visit, train, participate, and say hello at my center!

Why am I so disappointed? I don't know why. I expect this, it's the same old story, and I know what he is like. I don't take away from anything he has accomplished. He is a 4th Degree Black Belt himself and owned his school for 17 years. I give him all the credit for giving me the skills to move on with my training solo, for the ability to be the kind of student I am, and the direction I chose to take and do things maybe he himself could not do. But it saddens me that someone who could teach such wonderful things, cannot use them himself, and cannot live the life of a true master. What a disappointment.

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO