Truth Behind Maturity

"Maturity is not measure by age. It's an attitude built by experience."

-Unknown

These are one of those topics that will forever come up because it is always thought provoking, there are as lot of opinions about it, and it comes with several following lessons with more and more experience. What is maturity? There are many levels to talk about maturity. But what is the essence of being mature? Is it just when our body fully develops? Is it when we understand the world in an effective way? Is it just a behavior?

First note, in martial arts you are taught whether you realize it or not the value of humility. I had the great opportunity of beginning martial arts training when I was very young. But as I have grown up with martial arts and proper upbringing, I have been taught something that always stuck with me: if you have to say it is so, then it is not true. For example, when people HAVE to say (and often repetitively) "I'm a very bright person" or "I worked really hard to get to where I am today" or "I'm very mature for my age" and even "I've been through a lot", it usually means you wish you did and need to say it for attention seeking.

I'm not saying that is 100% the case, however, in several, if not most circumstances that is exactly the case. The brightest people I know never have to say they are bright. The most hard-working people never talk about how hard they work. The most mature people I have ever met never had to tell me of their maturity. And the ones who have been through hard times never advertise it. Now I'm not saying they NEVER talk about those things with their closest inner circle or voice it with their best friends, but when coming in contact with others, if it's true you then you don't have to say it. It's more of a way to convince your own self of it's validity and to seek the attention and validation of others to be accepted.

I find true maturity is upholding that humility by just being without advertising. Here's the flip side to make you think: Are vain people then not mature? Of course that is not true either! The fictional character, Mary Poppins, was very vain but indeed quite dignified and mature.

When we go through adolescence, our body matures. When we go through those changes, we suddenly think we are mature in the mind as well. Not true of course. However, some instances it can be as well. A lot of duality when it comes to maturation. When I was 12 years old, I looked like I was in my twenties. Actually, I look exactly the same now as I did when I was 12. SO I was physically mature, yes. My behavior was also that of a person of maturation. I worked and interacted with adults several years my senior and knew how to communicate and behave. I was always told, for those who knew my age, I was mature beyond my years.

So my body was mature. My behavior was mature. Even my insights were mature. I was told I was like an 80 year old man talking sometimes. My interests could even be mature. Sit me down with a group of older generation people and I could talk history and culture of their time with the best of them! But did all these things really make me mature? What is the real essence of being mature?

The truth behind maturity lies with the experiences that impregnate themselves into our psyche, emotions, and values. The truth is, your real maturity comes when you have the proper, or I don't want to say proper because that sounds too subjective, but maybe effective experiences would be a better way of putting it, that is when real maturity comes through. The problem is, there are other adults who have the maturity under their belt, and they suffocate their children and students and not allow them to open safely into the world to have the experiences to fully mature. This can cause people to never mature ever, not mature until they are very late in life into adulthood, or mature too soon, missing out an just as important light-hearted experiences for the spirit as well.  

"Maturity is not when we start speaking BIG things. It is when we start understanding small things."

-Unknown

I have taught teenagers for a thousand years, give or take a day or two =P. I have worked with teenager who I believed to be very mature. They looked mature, behaved mature, but when the real meat and potatoes had to be dealt with, they could not handle it because they were not mature. They didn't know how to discern their emotions, unable to sympathize or empathize, did not know appropriateness whether it be time, words, or responses, and those kind of expectations are unreasonable when dealing with true maturity.

I have also met adults whose responses are surprisingly, and sometimes alarmingly childish. Their choices are almost self-sabotaging because they were sheltered or not nurtured to have the appropriate experiences to mature in a way they can function in life. And then of course there are those kids, or even adults, who are so mature because they DO have the experiences but way too soon in life, that they don't know how to love, express emotion, or take care of their selves in a healthy way. They self-sacrifice or people-please, they never make time for fun and entertainment, and they view it as a waste of time.

Time is an interesting thing. My Aunt Karen always told me time allows us just what we need. The time to act, the time to change our minds, but never stay in place too long, or you find yourself getting stuck. But part of true maturation is experiencing all the good and all the bad in an effectively learning way. Have you ever been told to learn from your mistakes? How many people were actually given the proper nurturing to know that there are lessons in all that we do and in all our experiences? Instead, teacher, coaches, parents, and even friends just label bad and good. And this can be detrimental to the developmental processes as human beings.

"Perfect maturity is when a person hurts you, and you try to understand their situation and don't hurt them back."

-Unknown

It is never too late to mature! Whether you're a teenager, or an adult, but it can be too soon if your a child. As human beings, let us just remember to not limit people's experiences, but also be mature enough ourselves to not give too much experience too soon. Let us always provide and create an atmosphere that is safe and comfortable to allow experiences to flourish, and to continually support as much of the mistakes and mishaps as we do in the successes and accomplishments. That is where the yin and yang of finding true maturity. It is our obligation as human beings to be beacon of lights for others. Because whether we like it or not, that is exactly what we are. (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO