Don't Wait to Enjoy!

This past fall I have gone to see two of my most favorite Broadway shows. For the record, I love going to New York City. I love Broadway musicals. I love seeing a musical over and over again, with appropriate time spans in between. Back in high school when I was in the choir with Mrs. Verost, in my junior year we went to see Wicked. I absolutely fell in love! We got to sing in a workshop with some of the cast members, and we had a nice dinner, then saw the show.

I went a couple years later again taking my best friend at the time and his mom, and two of my closest friends Jessie and Nina. The show was fantastic. It's been about four years I think, and an opportunity came along where I got two tickets, Orchestra seating for practically nothing! I got the tickets the day of!

Wicked is probably my favorite musical of them all. The story is great, the lessons in the plot are awesome, the music is fantastic and awe-inspiring, and the show itself is funny. The characters are awesome, and the spin on the behind the scenes or before hand story to the Wizard of Oz. This is my third time seeing it. It was on Labor Day.

But my most favorite part and always has been since the first time I saw it is the last scene of the first act. The song is called "Defying Gravity." The words alone, I absolutely love and relate to. The "witch" Elphaba takes flight for the first time to escape the wizard and every time I hear the song, I get goosebumps. Watch the video here, you'll love it! The talent is still phenomenal after all this time!

(TURN YOUR VOLUME UP!)

The second play I saw last month was The Phantom of the Opera. I have seen this play FIVE times! I first saw it as a birthday present from my godmother, the second time was with Mrs. Verost and the choir at the 8,000th performance!; again with Jessie, Kenny, and my friend Kristyn; then my mother and brother and I went, and now again! And each time I see it, I always leave with the music blasting in my head!

That's how you know a musical is great, when you leave with the music still in your head! I first saw the story of the Phantom of the Opera when the movie came out. I loved the story of the teacher and student, the story of love, the story of a misunderstood genius gone mad, and the music is absolutely classic!

I always get seats in the front mezzanine for this show, right under the chandelier. This is, I think, the longest running show on Broadway and it only gets better and better every time I go see it. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend the trip to the Majestic Theatre.

I may not be one to do many vacations, but I absolutely love a day-cation and if I had to choose to do anything for ME that I absolutely love to do, it's a trip in the city to eat and see a show. I love having the city so close. I love music, I love shows, and Broadway never disappoints. I hope to go and see Mama Mia again! That show has a special place in my heart for many reasons also.

Sometimes you just have to do the things that make you happy. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to do things. And don't wait around for someone else to do it with you or for you. If you want to do something and it'll make you happy, do it! No one likes doing anything alone, but if you always live your life waiting for someone else to do it for you or to even do whatever it is AT ALL, it may NEVER get done and you deprive yourself of a good time.

As human beings we always want to share. I know I am that way. Always wanting to share experiences, people, things I love, things I enjoy, but how many times have we put ourselves in situations where we deprive ourselves of our very own happiness? I promised a year ago I would do the things that made me ME and that made me happy. I would take time to do these things.

Well I am! I have seen two of my most favorite Broadway shows, hoping to see another, I have taken and organized my pictures, I train and follow my schedule and routines, I eat at the places I like to eat, I watch my movies, I start new TV shows, and some of the things I share with people. Some I do alone. There is nothing wrong with that. But I know one thing, I won't deprive myself of any experiences or good times to enjoy something just because I don't have someone who will invite me or join me. You should do the same too! BE HAPPY! (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

Fall Training Deja Vu!

When I trained under my old master, I had developed a very keen sense of organization, created plans that were mapped out for years to come, and set goals for myself to accomplish, and create such systems and routines for myself through lists and calendars, it's no wonder people think I am neurotic! However, I am neurotic and proud of it ;) ! But you wanna know something? Everything I planned, I DID!

Every time I say I do something I do it. I have a phenomenal track record. People around me all have opinions of what I SHOULD do or SHOULD be doing or SHOULD be thinking about etc. Problem is, they are not ME. And of course later on, no one says boo about the things I do, especially when it benefits everybody else. I am very big on following through and my actions DO back up my words. I always have and will do my best to always do so. When people want to argue with me on something, unless they can back it up, just don't. That's how I feel sometimes.

I get that way especially when the topic or matter means a great deal to me. But these habits came out of my strict routine and vast planning, and my stern discipline I had to meeting these desires and expectations. I look at my training alone. When I think I can't get any better, I find another way! I am hapy that I am always getting better and better in what I am doing. This is a very good time for me. I feel very balanced, I have created some great plans, many in action, and I well well rounded. That makes me happy.

For the last 10 years especially, I have developed a training cyle for myself that I have always followed. I would assess January-June training schedule and routines, July-August, and Sept-Dec. I've done this for years! I organize my training cycles, change them around depending on the cycle, increase the level of difficulty, and it has taken years of practice, training, and trial/error, as well as new insights to really get them all down to a science. If I ever have a student to make it to the level I am now, I would expect them to follow suit in this manner. Standards have been created and it came through experience.

I also document. OH the documentation! I have notebooks upon notebooks, logs after logs or all my training. I still take them out and look over, use again at a later time, or change it up and make it more relevant or beneficial to whatever my goal is for teaching or training, etc. I was showing a student one of my notebooks and one of the dates was January 8, 2003. There was a drill in there that I only used a couple months ago on a Black Belt test (will blog soon). A few passages later there was a new lesson I discovered while sparring that just happened to be on my board from teaching sparring class just this past week.

So experience needs to be brought up through every detail of our lives as well as our beings. Some we have better control some we have to work really hard at. I reviewed some of my old notebooks and logs, getting ready for a new wave of improvements, changes, innovations, and goals for 2013, which is going to be an awesome year. I looked at my fall training logs and would see a pattern. Fall was always to build up of new momentum that would bring a great start in the winter.

Well, I have been very consistent so far this fall, with the exception of the recent weather interruptions we had. I see improvement, I lost 20 pounds, I feel good, and I find my mind working hard and the wheels of innovation are hitting me left and right. I felt exactly how I felt when I first got back to training after my 3rd Degree test, the fall was for my to build up and the winter just skyrocketed! That's my mission. I have skyrocket like never before! It's been a while since I've been at this point, but I am very excited for the new year.

We learn from our experiences, our habits, and the rules we place for ourselves in our lives. And it is important to follow through on these priorities in every aspect of our lives. Something like the habits I have with my training and the discipline I put into it carries over into my life. For ME, if I don't have all these things in my training, the other areas of my life get affected as well. I learned that by reflecting. I get Deja Vu just thinking about it! Just take the time to find what is important to you, give it your all, and then allow it to flow through the rest of your life!

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

The Disease of Arrogance

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

Have you ever met someone or fell in a situation with or have a friend who no matter how wrong they are try to justify their actions and have totally disregard for other people or circumstance that could affect you or other people? We run into it a lot, and as I get older I feel like I see it more and more. I find basic arrogance begins with being ignorant to the facts, then even after discovery of truth comes inconsideration and lack of empathy toward other parties and effort in making themselves untouchable. Does this make sense? 

Ever try calling out an arrogant person?  They do something against the rule or don't agree with a law and they say "Well that's stupid!".  Disregarding that there are reasons for rules and laws. I find arrogant people believe or at least act and behave as if they are above the law. Arrogance can also come from an ego driven mind. I am not writing off ego by any means, we all have it and there is a place for it in our lives. But when our egos get o big that it makes us conceited, we need to get a grip and tone it down. The lesson of humility needs to sink in. The attitude that they feel they are owed something and have the air of indignation is exasperating.

Those egotistical arrogant people will always try to one up people or situations. "Oh did you see what little Matt did the other day?"..."Oh you should see me do that!" "Sally did such and such last week!"..."Man, I've done that twenty times and then some!" It's always about them. It's what they want an it's how they want it. 

We all have moments where we get selfish. And a lot of those people will say that about OTHER people. They will find the qualities they hold within someone else but never admit it in themselves, or choose not to see it. On the slip side to that is also how arrogant people do not have empathy.

Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

An empathetic and considerate person who keeps their ego in check has the capacity to act accordingly to the needs of the people they care about (granted that there are no underlying alternative intentions on either side) without being explained to. Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture told a story of his mentor Andy Van Dam telling him when he was younger "It’s such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant. Because it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish in life."

That is because no one wants to deal with selfish and arrogant people who cannot think outside the box, who can't empathize with other people, who cannot make decisions that are right and will be beneficial to all,  and don't want to deal with people who don't make the effort to do what is right. It is a life skill to understand what people need and not put them in  position where they will be hurt, misunderstood, or done wrong. and when it happens multiple times, arrogant people show a pattern and lose trust and respect with people.

I was talking to Julie today, she came over to visit, and I discussed today's blog topic and we had a big discussion. I have two MAJOR pet peeves. One of them is when arrogant people say "I don't see what the big deal is!" AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! As Julie put it, and I agree one hundred percent with her, just because it's not important to YOU does not mean it doesn't mean something to someone else. And I add on, when someone KNOWS what is important to someone else, then they have the human obligation to be responsible to act accordingly to that person's expectations to what "the big deal" is.

The second is when people say they are "busy". Guess what, EVERYONE is busy! I am ALWAYS busy, but never do you hear me utter those words to someone. If I cannot do something, I politely verbalize what it is that prevents me from giving my full attention. But when people hear "I'm busy" most people interpret that as "you are less important right now and so are your needs so I must disregard you."

The disease of arrogance is one we will have to deal with. When the ones you love most display this behavior, it can be frustrating, and hurtful. But the cure is to learn the basic understanding of caring for other people's feeling (empathy), and acting accordingly within reasonable means. Some say arrogant people find common courtesy to be a burden. And we are all guilty of this at several times in our lives. You should not be branded if once in a while you have those moments. But when you prove to be a weekly, even a daily habit, then one should think about putting in the effort to do what is right. As Andy Van Dam said to Randy Pausch, you don't want arrogance to limit what you can accomplish in life.

Yours in service,

MASTER TRENTO

The Demo Team

Years ago when I was apprenticing under my old master, I was part of the school's Demonstration Team. The Demo team was a way to advertise and for the ego-driven students to show off their skills. But it also was a performance that the students could share and demonstrate their new found confidence of performing in front of people and sharing the work that they created together as a team.

In any team, you have to always make sure the fundamentals are in place. A team must be able to have ways where the members are learning teamwork, communication, compromise, encouragement, reliability, and responsibility. That is for ANY team. Otherwise, the team has no worth and no common goal for the betterment of any of the members. I find in any sport or activity, if these fundamentals are missing or not addressed from the beginning, the team fails. I see it all the time.

When I began my own school, I personally did NOT want any Demo team. It was stressful nerve racking, and I wanted to use my time with the students to better them as martial artists and not become egotistical showy-offs. However, I was persuaded by my very own Frankie Peracchio. Frankie was very passionate about the Demo Team. He demonstrated creativity and coordination that martial arts does provide and wanting to create a show to do so for my school. So I gave it to him to do.

We began a Demo team, and it was truly a rebuilding time. It was brand new, we had brand new students. Some made full commitments, some were wishy washy, some didn't stay. I ended up in the middle of the duration of the team got more involved, something I didn't want to do but once again got sucked into, and we formulated a nice looking show.

I am very strict, probably more strict in Demo classes than a few others because it is a show, it is a performance, it is a representation of what we do inside the dojang. I may be snippy, but it makes them sharp and good. I think of my choral director from high school. She was loud and stern, and snippy, but it made us fantastic musicians! The synchronization, the communication, the learning, the caliber of the performance is present. So we do the same with the Demo Team in martial arts.

We did a few Demos at the school for tests, the anniversary, practices, here and there. This past summer, we had a small group of the members perform for the Sunrise Assisted Living in Paramus, NJ. The older crowd absolutely enjoyed seeing the kids perform, and were happy to have something very different vs their tradition violin players come for entertainment. Well, we definitely provided DIFFERENT! LOL

I was proud because they were spot on, they performed well, and it was interactive. They talked to the elderly people, they shook hands, the older team members were polite and sociable, the younger team members were too busy being cute to the elderly members, and truly this entire performance was made by THEM, the team. I gave them all the credit, they deserved it.

So We are about to enter the year 2013. There is a huge wave of change coming ahead, but I have made a year plan for the Demo Team to take on. I have made final arrangements of our members and our routines and music. I am taking charge of uniform plans. Every month from January to June I am going to have one demo a month for them to perform. Between the June to September season I already have 9-10 demos planned for them. I have it all on paper and if it isn't written it isn't so. Then from October to December monthly demos at a few planned events, then there is a special Korean Taekwondo event where the Demo Team will perform in February that I have heard of. It will expose the students culturally to Taekwondo and other interaction of new students, and by that time, we will be changing the ENTIRE show once more for a brand new year. Plans are good!

So it gives the team direction. NOW we have a purpose. NOW we have goals to fulfill. NOW we have intention, and pure intention behind our team. And we wait to behold what the future brings! Good luck TMAFC Demo Team, and a job well done from the Demo at Sunrise Assisted Living! Well done! (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO 

More Catch Up!!!

Oh my goodness! I have not blogged for a long time. One of my new years resolutions is to have a consistent blogging schedule again! I will however be catching up with all the new lessons, adventures, and thought provoking ideas and events that have occurred the past two months that I have yet to record here. But I shall catch up!

I received my 4th Degree Master level this past June and have had a very enjoyable summer. The Fall brought in a new wave of a beginning new transitory realm for me. Setting a stage for a lot of great undertakings in my life. Training, business, education, personal growth, as well as new avenues.

I began my training and have had a few posts already with my new master, Sifu Pedro Yee. The training I have done with him is absolutely magical and truly "master" level training. Although it's the basics and fundamentals of Hung Ga Kung Fu, I have already began to attain such an understanding and outlined view of what the future holds and brought so much of what I have done into my general training and other arts already.

I am also planned with what avenues with my mentors, whether they know it yet or not lol. But the candles are truly being burnt at every angle here. The next four years are going to be absolutely exhausting, and I am so excited. Goals and plans will definitely keep me busy. I think I backed away from a few things I used to do in preparation of my last test in the past year. But this fall I have gotten back on track QUITE a bit. I have SO many plans and putting them into action is motivating and exciting.

The journey of being the most well rounded martial arts master I could be is an inspiration that has always carried me and when I find ways of attaining this self-image, I get extremely motivated. But the most challenging will be my first year. EXACTLY one year starting this January. I am very strict and stern about this. Challenging yes, but all will be accomplished. I have a Plan. It's a good one. It's a great one. And many will benefit from it, not just me.

The new order shall begin. As I end 2012, I will do my best to continue giving my open and honest recollections of the journey sharing the lessons from this new young master here on this blog. Because we will always continue to do all we can and achieve the real aim in life: being a candle.

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO 

Students Improving!

"Progress is the key to motivation."

I have been teaching martial arts for about a dozen years. I celebrated my 14th training anniversary with a lesson with my new master, Sifu Pedro Cepero Yee. As a teacher by nature, I am proud of my ability to teach what I love so much to any age. As most of us do, we sometimes doubt our abilities when working with other people. Every teacher has those moments of whether or not they are making a difference or if they are getting through.

But one thing is for sure. The joy and excitement a teacher gets when they see their students improving is such a wonderful feeling. The greatest teachers I have ever had are the ones who give it their all, who understand how their students work and could cater to those needs, and are themselves. They are also the ones who teach everything they know to pass down to whomever they teach.

Academically, I had some phenomenal teacher. Mike Sheridan was the most brilliant scholar I have ever known and prepared me like no one else for college. Donna TenHoeve made my grammar in Spanish better than my English grammar. Cindy Verost gave me such joy in learning music and understanding the work behind creating such beauty and her way to coming down to a students level while holding professionalism. Dottie Filipek was always an advocate for the students and would lead by example and go above and beyond which inspired and motivated. My personal mentor, Professor Sargese is a master educator who inspires and is loved by all who come into her class and goes the extra mile to getting her students to fully grasp the lessons and use the skills they possess.

Through martial arts, I have always come across the best of the best. Master DeJesus absolutely loves what he does and it shows not only when he teaches but when he makes contact with people. He is constantly learning to innovating to make his students better all the time. Master Bardatsos has always made champions and isn't afraid to be honest and work someone hard. Master Balon is a brilliant man who knows his material inside and out for any situation, circumstance, and no detail is unimportant. And of course there is my new master, Sifu (Master) Yee, who brings altogether the essence of the lesson in every way you can possibly learn to through understanding, qi, history, application, and feel on physical, mental, and spiritual planes.

And I will always give credit to my old master. A lot of lessons he taught me, the ways he would teach, systems and thought processes pertaining to martial arts training, structuring, all those roots had led me to being sure I would be the most well rounded martial artist I could become and to continue teaching that way. I can never take that away from him.

I have taken something from each of these people. In some way there are a lot of similarities that are important to me. And a lot of ways there are things I still learn from each. And there are also a lot of unique things about each that I take with me and call my own as well. They all have a part in making me the teacher I have become, and am still becoming.

I had a very stressful summer. But there is one thing that has kept my spirits high and brings great joy in my life. When I see the progress my students make. It reminds me why I do what I do every day. I have a little boy named Theodoris who is a little Greek boy. He is as cute as can be at the age of seven. About a month ago we were doing a private lesson and I was blown away by him. I would always correct his stances, trying to make him bend lower, be louder, ask questions. Well in this lesson before he went on vacation, I didn't have to say one thing about his stances, his kicks improved tremendously, and he was so loud in his kias, the effort was amazing. And when I acknowledged it, his smile of how proud he was of himself was priceless!

I have a set of twins Samantha and Danielle. They are so funny together becasue they are the true essence of TWINS. They talk, breath, laugh IN SYNC! They are little joy bubbles. They'll be testing for advance level rank this month. I used to push them a lot in their technique. They put in so much effort this summer, I am astounded by their improvement. A very good friend of theirs named Megan is one belt behind. She used to have a lot of balance issues which affected her technique. I do my best not to overwhelm her with drills, but I work a lot with her in each class. I had a lesson with her recently, and I looked at her and said "Where did THIS come from!?" She just had this big smile on her face. Her kicks had such control, her movement and positioning improved greatly, her stances, her questions (so I know how she is thinking) were impressive, I couldn't have been more proud.

I have a little Polish boy named Tomasz who comes to EVERY CLASS OF EVERY DAY that he can take. And it shows in his performance. He is dedicated, he is focused, and he takes his training VERY seriously at the age of seven! I see myself when I was that age doing the same thing! But it is above all, FUN for him to do. Two of my brown belt twins Bethany and Taylor, who I've been training since they were little girls, have absolutely transformed! I don't know if it's because they're in teen and adult classes now, or they have Black Belt test in their sights, but all I can saw about them is WOW!

I can't forget my adults! Ara is such a supportive, encouraging asset to my school. He doesn't care if he is with other adult students, the teens, or even the little kids. He is a part of the family as much as any one else and his support and energy shows. His enthusiasm is contagious, and it motivates ME as his master. He loves sparring now. And he was lucky enough in his earlier ranks to have a lot of one on one classes with me. I remember how he moved even FIVE months ago to what he is doing today! One word: PROUD. In fact, last night Robert and I taught a sparring class and it was a very nice turnout. We sparred in class for at least a good hour. I was really happy with the effort each one put in. They helped each other, encouraged each other, made all the right mistakes, made all the right learning curves, it was magnificent!

But I can't help but have a special place in my heart for young Alyssa. I remember her coming in two years ago. She always loved her training and I knew it meant something to her. She has had her ups and downs. She had an injured knee for along time, but she kept up and had a great attitude. I would always bust her chops, however, on her technique. I needed more effort in her stances, kick higher, kia louder. I KNEW she had this ball of energy inside of her that just needs to come out! She has so much potential and can do so much, she doesn't even know it! And I know it's my job to get her to see that.

One day in class Alyssa came in and I didn't even recognize her. No no, she looked the same. But her ATTITUDE was completely different. I couldn't believe how high she was kicking, I couldn't believe how strong she was, I couldn't believe how low her stances were, and above all I couldn't believe how loud she was. I looked at her and I said "Who are you!? Who is this person!?" She looked at me and I smiled and said to her "I am so proud! You keep it up, girl. That's true girl power and YOU got it!"

So I guess when you go through really stressful times, people say to you count your blessings. So I guess what I can say is this blog is about counting my blessings. I am blessed to have and had such phenomenal teachers in my life who I have taken something from each one and who played crucial roles in the teacher I have become. But I am even more blessed to have the students that I have, who are wonderful and make me so proud. And it makes me feel so good to see them not only making progress but being so INTO their training as well!

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

Best Friend Black Belts

I met Ms Gedman last year in December when I went to see Mr. Valentino's midterm test. Ms Gedman is a fourth degree Black Belt in the ATA Taekwondo Association, the same Mr. Valentino and his sister are a part of. We quickly got to know each other and I had even asked Ms Gedman and her partner, Mr. Rivera, to judge Samantha's Volk's 2nd Dan Black Belt test back in May.

What is so wonderful about being a part of the martial arts is that you make the greatest friends, and most of the time friends for life. You share an experience on the physical plane, an emotional and mental plane, and above all whether you believe/understand it or not, a spiritual plane. You have a connection that no one else can comprehend. And when you meet people who have the same passion as you, it intensifies. Ms Gedman became a very important part of my martial arts journey very quickly.

In fact, Ms Gedman was a part of my thirteen judge panel for the last day of my six day Master Pretest. I was so happy that she could be a part of that day and share what was to this point one of the most important experiences of my life.

Last weekend, I had the privilege of being a guest judge for Ms Gedman and Mr. Rivera at their club in Westfield, NJ. One of my own Black Belts came and they were nice enough to have have her on the table to judge as well.

Every Taekwondo school tests differently. The ATA have a very structured and standardized routine to test. I have always said this, but ATA students have great discipline and I believe it comes from the structured systems that the organization has in place. We started with the nine little people testing (under seven years of age I think) where they showed parts of their form and memorized steppings and techniques. Then came the larger group of higher belts, and adults. The candidates had to perform their forms, prearranged step movements, and a few even had to spar and break boards.

Two girls were going for their Black Belt. Their names were Zoe and Shannon. These two girls were best friends. They began their martial arts journey together and you can tell it meant so much to experience this journey together and have this achievement together. These two girls were very different but had the same love for the art and for each other.

We through physical challenges at them, watched them cheer each other on, push through the sparring, push through the boards, and perform the forms together. As I sat there watching them, I began having my own flashbacks of when I was going through the ranks from the age of 9-16. I also tested with my best friend through the ranks, and even a Black Belt test.

Kristin Barrett and I tested together under our old master in Saddle Brook, NJ on August 12, 2004. It was her last test with our old master and our last test together. It was just the two of us. Two people who couldn't be any more different, but had the same love for what they were doing and for each other. Kristin and I really pushed ourselves, and each other on that test. Mental challenges at the beginning, a little conditioning, all our basics, all our forms, self-defenses including a pellet gun which he's never done at the time, and we were the first to break five boards on a test.

That test will always be special to me because it was with my best friend. So I knew exactly how much this test for these two girls were. I wanted, as a guest judge, to bring as much as I could for the two to enjoy together, learn together, share together, and remember together as they were to go through this test. I was so proud of the girls, as if they were my own students.

We get these blasts from the past, to remind us of our history and how to help others make their own. It was an honor judging for Ms Gedman and Mr. Rivera, and I hope they have me back! And I graciously thank them for making my Black Belt welcome as well. Congratulations to all the new belts at ATA Westfield!

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

Echos of the Future

Bethany Disanno, Taylor Disanno, and Mia Giordano. The "Trento's Angels".

I have three student's that I call "Charlie's Angels", or better known as "Trento's Angels." Mia Giordano began training as a Little Ninja when she was three or four years old many years ago, when Kristin Barrett and I apprenticed under our old master. She made it up to green belt and stopped training when she was six or seven. When I began my own school, within one month, Mia came to the school with her mom and signed right up to pick up where she left off with me.

Bethany and Taylor Disanno are fraternal twins. I began teaching them when I was a senior instructor at my old master's school. I trained them up to high green belts and then when I parted ways with my old master, they left the school and continued training under me privately out of their own home, their backyard, their aunt's basement, and their grandparent's backyard until I opened my own school. Actually, their low blue belt test was the first belt test I did when I opened my own school.

Bethany and Taylor were the first belt test at TMAFC when it opened.

These three girls became such very close friends. As I have always seen in martial arts, they have found friends for life with each other. Not only are they great friends, but they are wonderful training partners. They encourage each other, they motivate each other, they help each other, they communicate with each other, they make goals together, they compete together, and they push each other. The energy between them is fantastic, and may even rival the connection the Friars of Old had.

The three of them made a goal together: to get their Black Belts together. They are all 13 years old, which is the age for the six day adult Black Belt test. Bethany and Taylor actually waited extra time so Mia can catch up in rank so they can take this test together. I have made mention of it many times in the test but to experience a Black Belt test with other people is such an amazing experience and a very special thing to share. Everyone single person I have ever tested with, I have a strong spiritual bond with.

Last Friday was their last color belt test together. I had made this an advance test with just the three of them, to give them a small taste of what their future test would be like together. As their master, I am so proud of their attitude and energy. Bethany always pushes on, and if she is struggling, she will whimper a little bit, but her outward effort always trumps the nerves. Taylor for as long as I have known her "freaks out" but this particular test I feel she really had her game face on like she never had before. She took control, and out of no where was showing skill and effort like never before. Mia is a powerhouse and the cheerleader of the group, who's energy is not only helpful but contagious. The three are a perfect balance together.

The "Angels" at their last color belt test.

They started with 500 jumping jacks, counting loud on each one. Then 15 minutes of speed and agility drills. They encouraged each other, woo-hoo-ed and ha-ed, they cheered each other, they pushed each other. When the 15 minutes were up, they had to do another 500, jumping jacks. They had to count loud, and before I knew it the audience began to count with them, they clapped on each jack, they got into it just as much as the Angels. I took a step back to take it all in. I was witnessing echos of the future. This was a sample of the awesome energy I would be witnessing at their Black Belt test in May of 2013.

I had a flashback on my 2nd Degree Black Belt test when me and my two fellow candidates had to hop on one leg for five minutes. We began to hop together, synchronized our energy, and clapped on each hop, and before we knew it, the audience was participating as well. The synergy was amazing! I knew these three girls will have what it takes to do the same on their test. It's going to be an amazing experience.

We followed the guidelines of the AAU Taekwondo and did all their forms first. They have 10-11 forms to perform full speed full power, and in great detail. I was on them like a hawk. I didn't care how tired they were, they were to still push themselves, be loud, and show proper technique. Next came the general knowledge where they recited Korean history and then performed all their basic blocks, kicks, and kicking combinations. Their bodies were beginning to fail them, but this was the crucial point to see how they'd push on and take control of their bodies.

Bethany, Mia, and Taylor at the AAU NJ State Championships.

They next had to put their full gear on and do several rounds of 2 minutes sparring matches. They all learned Olympic Taekwondo, and both Mia and Bethany have competed in Olympic style sparring. They had to show endurance, strategy, speed and agility, footwork, and skill. After about four or five matches each, they took their gear off and we moved onto self-defense. They showed all their low level escapes, and their high level self-defenses. Then they finished off with their current level breaking techniques.

The test was two hours long. The three did phenomenally. I was proud of their persistence. I was proud of their attitude. I am proud of how far they have come and how much they have grown. Not physically but emotionally and spiritually as young women. May 2013 will be a Black Belt test to remember. I can feel it. Congratulations to the "Angels" and keep up the determination.

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

Judging for the Mentor

Recently, my mentor Master Samuel DeJesus held a Black Belt test at his school in Rockaway, NJ. He had asked me to guest judge on the panel for the test. I was honored. He told me that there were six candidates testing, one of them being his mother! I knew it would be a very special test for him, although every test is, this one would hold a little more importance to him. I was more than happy, and quite excited to participate.

I told my Black Belts in class one day I was going to be judging the night before and they all looked at me and exclaimed "We want to go!" I was like "Oh! Um..ok!" And before I knew it we were a van full of Black Belts off to Master DeJesus's school for a Black Belt test! My other mentor, Professor Lisa Sargese, also came to take pictures and support the test. She goes every Thursday to do Qigong with Qi master, and Kung Fu as well, Sal Canzonieri who did a demonstration during the test.

I was on the panel with three other judges, apart from Master DeJesus. One was Sensei Cara Parmigiani who trains in I believe Juijitsu with Master DeJesus. She did an awesome demonstration during the test as well and I learned is in law school! Master Joe Nilon is Master DeJesus's Hapkido instructor who also brought a great element to the table. You can feel great strength and power from Master Nilon but was as friendly as ever when you interact with him. And there was also Sifu Dave Ferreira who I got along with excellently. We were very much on the same page on a lot of things and had similar views on the things we wanted to bring to the test for our candidates. 

From Left to right: Master Joe Nilon, Sensei Cara Parmigiani, Sifu Dave Ferreira (standing), Master Samuel DeJesus, and me.

My Black Belt crew got along wonderfully with the other students from Master DeJesus's school, and everyone worked excellently with each other throughout the test. The students had to show all their basic strikes and blocks, their kicks and combinations, they did required self-defenses, they performed their own self-defense routines, they did all of their Taeguek forms, they had to do several rounds of sparring, and had to do breaking at the end as well.  The test began at 11:00AM and did not end until 7:00PM. It was a long, tough test. But each one of the candidates really showed great strength and perseverance. Not to mention great endurance to do all they did in that allotted amount of time! OH! And in between everything, they did several rounds of conditioning where they did 50 push ups, 75 sit ups, 100 jumping jacks, and 50 squat jumps. 

Jenna was an eleven year old girl who was just so happy to be taking her test. She smiled and pushed on despite the struggle. She struggled on one of her board breaks but she never gave up. She overcame her fear of breaking that board and when she did it she had a great big smile on her face. Jenna showed great attitude. Sabrina is a young lady who has a great deal of potential. She pushed on through each task but as I kept watching her, after so many years of doing this you can see when a student is doing well and there are some underlying capabilities. I wish I could be there for the "OH!" moment she will have one day when she realizes what she can do. It's going to be fun for Master DeJesus.

Young Samuel was the youngest boy testing for his 1st Degree Black Belt. Sam showed in his face the pain he was enduring, the struggle he was going through, it looked like he was going to break down and say he wanted to give up. But you know what? He didn't! Sam brought me to tears as I watched him, because he really pushed himself beyond his limits. I knew he wanted to stop but never did he complain once, never did he stop, and never did he lose his determination. And that's what makes a Black Belt a Black Belt! I was so proud of him! Susi by far blew all of us away on the panel. I was looking at a miniature Nina Harkhani. This girl counted every count, answered loud every time, nothing stopped her. She was a runaway train with elite determination. And she had a dynamite attitude. It's always a treat to see a student bring that focus and energy to a test!

Mike Lair was the student I had to observe for his marks. He was an older gentlemen with a very placid countenance. He trains with Master DeJesus in Taekwondo but trains in a lieu of other disciplines with Sifu Dave. Sifu Dave is a very tough instructor in a lo of combative disciplines, so I was told Mike would be able to take a lot. However, Mike would be able to beat anything with his indomitable spirit. I discovered he was also, in fact, a cancer survivor. Immediately my heart was touched, having an experience of my own of overcoming physical illness. Mike knew he had this test down, after beating cancer, what could ever beat him? So Sifu Dave and I really did our best to push and beat down on Mike, to show he really can outlive any challenge that thwarts itself in Mike's way. he can tear it down.

And Sarah DeJesus, the MOTHER of my mentor! The honor it was to be judging her test. She was the oldest candidate at the age of 57. She is the perfect example of how it is NEVER too late to start martial arts, nor is it impossible. Sarah is a dedicated mother, helping Master DeJesus to every extreme when he started his own school. She refused to take any pay, spent extra hours to help that were not needed, just to be sure she was there for her son. She expressed she always wanted to do martial arts and was scared to start because of her age. I give any adult a lot of credit to put it in the time and effort to learn martial arts. I trained with many adult students who began training later in life. I belt tested with Mr. Ward when he was 45, or Peter Dunphy at 47, Mike Duke was in his fifties, John Vanderhee was in his thirties! Ms Gedman was an adult as well! 

I give Sarah credit because she does not only represent the adults. She does not only represent the "older" generation. She represents the women who train as well! I know so many awesome women warriors. For Sarah to do all those conditioning drills, sparring, self-defense, kicks, she went through it all with everyone else.And her son made it clear "Expect no special treatment!" I was silently crack up when he would yell "MOM!" and she's answer in an almost singing way "Yes siiir!" I was so proud of her.

Master DeJesus did a wonderful job, and I was honored to be there for my mentor. I was happy to have met new martial artists who have a great energy about them! I was privileged to got the know the candidates over their eight hours of testing. I was happy my own students came to show support, meet new students, and be apart of this good energy, and to continue to spread the good family nature and feel martial arts has to offer.

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

Anger Into Laughter

"We love to laugh, loud and long and clear
We love to laugh, so everybody can hear
The more you laugh, the more you fill with glee
And the more the glee, the more we're a merrier we"

-"We Love To Laugh", Mary Poppins (August 27, 1964) 

"Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

-Buddha

Andrew Kranich has been my student for almost seven years. And in those seven years, a very strong friendship had been formed. We have had phenomenal bond but the friendship's process had a lot of struggle and challenges in between. Needless to say, the friendship prevailed stronger than the challenges and only made the friendship ten times stronger. We cannot look back at the nonsense of the past with any regret or shame.

But Andrew had built up and held onto a lot of anger from the past. I was taught years ago by a teacher that anger keeps us connected to the things we don't want. It's the most perverse thing in the world. But in reality, it's the anger that hurts us more. Andrew was mad at how people and circumstances had made such chaos in his life at one time and hurt many people. After recently letting go of a lot of anger myself, I tried to share with him the grand relief that comes with letting go of such anger. He asked me if I'd be able to spiritually purify him.

I have done anointings before, but I haven't had much practice in purifying spiritually. And the ones who I knew did so would use their own Qi and energy and it actually would be more damaging for the person healing than the one being healed. But I have been taught by great Qi Masters to use not only the energy of yourself but from the "eternal source of the universe" (God) that is abundant. I thought it would be appropriate to use the Purification Oil, since he was seeking purifying himself.

As I used the Purification Oil, I allowed spirit to guide me in moving the negative Qi throughout his body and mind to one central spot. I allowed my spirit to speak to his and asked God to bless his spirit and allow him to receive the blessings and good Qi that were to come his way. As I worked on him, he began to get emotional. Spirit told me that he felt as I did, that all his energy went into this anger that without it, he won't know what to do. He'll feel empty without a purpose. I told him he would not be empty and allow for Love and Faith to fill him up. Go to the positive reference points and memories and fill yourself up with them and allow for new love to fill him up.

Andrew began to get emotional. He was going through a process. Every person is different in their responses and reactions to a spiritual process like this. I could actually feel the anger and negativity being drawn from all over different meridians of the body coming into the center. It was from there that I asked God to help me pull it all out of him. It was a lot. As I spiritually pulled out the negativity from within him, I tried to keep myself shielded from it as well. I didn't want any of it to latch onto me.

In the meanwhile, I reassured him that the past is in the past, it's no more. Past is an illusion. Leave it there. The future is an illusion. Let it be. Be in the present moment and feel gratitude for the present love in his life. You can physically see the relief beginning to descend upon him and the calming affect take over. Then I had prayed over Andrew with the Prayer Against Evil that was used when I needed protection from negativity. I prayed to God to purify him and give him peace.

Then the most amazing thing happened. Andrew began to laugh uncontrollably. I smiled, I was not nervous at all. Because I understood exactly what was happening. I have been taught that every emotion has an "other side." For example, the opposite emotion of betrayal is trust. The opposite emotion of anxiety is confidence.

Some people will think they know the opposite emotion of anger. But I'll tell you that 95% of you will get it wrong. You see, anger is a negative expression of an emotion. A negative outburst, if you will. SO what is a positive expression of an emotion, like an outburst of positivity? LAUGHTER! The opposite emotion of anger is laughter! Andrew began laughing so hard, his stomach hurt and he was crying. All that anger just transformed into laughter. COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED as I was praying to God to purify him.

ALSO, and I totally forgot this, but the oil to use for anger is Purification! I was using the right oil for the right emotion. The affirmation "My direction is clear." And for Andrew, his direction looked bright. I kept thinking of Mary Poppins when they laughed so hard they were lifted high into the sky. They were "high" on laughter. That kind of abundance we should all have in our lives.

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

 

Determination

Purpose plus determination equals success.

-My old master, Sahbumnim

Years ago at the end of August of 2002, I was training for my Black Belt test under my old master as an advance brown belt. The test was a little over a month away. My master had this away-training camp out in Washington, NJ at a place called Camp Bernie. We slept in cabins, did archery, obstacle courses in the woods, jogging on the mountain, it was a very cool weekend. One of the things there was mountain climbing. I used to always be afraid of mountain climbing. But I was taking my martial arts training very seriously and knowing how close I was to Black Belt, I had to apply what I knew because I was taught Knowledge is not power, applied knowledge is power. 

Other students were afraid, some began but didn't finish. While other students were around and we were talking, I quoted a lot of things I was taught by my master of the time. Where's there is focus, there is no room for fear to enter; Progress is the key to motivation; Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Purpose plus determination equals success; Knowledge is not power, applied knowledge is power; etc. I said this because I felt it as a duty as an "almost Black Belt" to share with other students, and then do it myself. I went on the mountain climbing, my legs shaking a little bit with fear, but I climbed for the first time ever to the top and rang the bell. I demonstrated determination. I'll never forget how my old master silently smiling and making that face to himself, acknowledging that he was hearing me and liked what he was seeing. It made me feel proud. I think it would make him proud to know I still teach his lessons.

That's the back story. I went to Six Flags Great Adventure with some new friends, my brother, and a couple of my Black Belts. I used to LOVE going there. I remember going once with the Friars of Old when Kingdaka first opened! The last time I went to Six Flags was probably around six years ago in my junior year. Well I was invited to go and I took the chance to go and I didn't regret it at all! I had such a fantastic time!

We went on just about every roller coaster you could find, took a lot of pictures, and ate like pigs. I also had some break out dancing moments I couldn't help at the expense of embarrassing my brother >=) . Earlier in the day, I was denied a ride because I was wearing sandals and you're not allowed open toe shoes to go on this ride. I didn't care how stupid the ride was, I was upset and felt rejected, like a five year old being told he can't do something but everyone else can! My friends kid around and said they'd get me a stuffed animal #NeverGotIt. Toward the end of the night, we were winding down and there was this game where you had to test your balance and climb to the top and ring a bell to win a GINARMOUS stuffed animanl prize.

Well my friends jumped to the chance. But while watching my Black Belt, Erin, climb the ladder, I had a flashback of Camp Bernie. She really wanted to win the giant stuffed Pikachu stuffed animal for me. She was soooooo determined to do it. And she kept quoting the lessons I have taught her over the years. I have only seen this determination from her on Black Belt tests. Erin will be testing for 2nd Degree next month in September. She even commented that this ladder climb was like her Black Belt test. She claimed I WILL get it. I WILL win that Pikachu! I WILL! You get three chances to try for five bucks. 

Every time she fell, you saw more and more of that determination to achieve what she was after. The more I watched, the prouder I was. Not that she was trying to win me a stuffed animal, but to see that level of a 2nd Degree Black Belt determination. As a Black Belt, you use the lessons of martial arts in your life, even the smallest things. When her three tries were up "GIVE ME MY WALLET!!" She would continue on. "FIVE DOLLARS!" If she had $1,000 and still was having trouble, she'd blow the whole grand. Each time she got closer and closer, she honed her focus. Erin said to the staff member in charge of the game, Ryan, she is "going to win this." He responded "I'll believe it when I see it." Erin's response was beautiful! She said "Don't put your faith in what you see!" Now THAT is a Black Belt answer!

I was so proud of her. It's that kind of determination I always hoped to see in her. It's that level of determination I can't wait to see and test next month when she is challenged for her 2nd Degree. I have known Erin for seven years, since she was nine years old. I have been there for a lot of good times of her life, and a lot of struggles. I have had the privilege of watching her grow into a beautiful, bright young woman, full of DETERMINATION. Her 2nd Degree Black Belt test is going to be one of the most challenging things she will have to go through. But she can do it. It's the same determination she had to win that stuffed animal she will be demonstrating. The same way I demonstrated to my old master at Camp Bernie while mountain climbing. I am already proud of her. It was great as the master to see out in "the real world" a student applying the lessons you teach. I can remember the look and smile my old master had, hearing me quote him at Camp Bernie. The theme of Erin's test has been set. Carpe Diem! 

 Yours in service,

MASTER TRENTO

Land of Lucy

 “It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy. ”
― Lucille Ball

 “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. Your really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
― Lucille Ball

 “One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.”
― Lucille Ball

For as long as I could remember, I have always been a fan of Lucille Ball. Lucille Ball is, to this day, the greatest comedienne of all time. She earned this title by being a pioneer in her own way of bringing laughter to the world. In a day in age where television was brand new and nothing to too exciting, she had the entire world buying televisions JUST to watch her show, I Love Lucy.

She was the first woman to be pregnant on television. She was the first "real" person we ended up investing our emotions into. She was the first woman head of a studio. She was a perfectionist. She was hilarious. She was silly. She was clean. She was no-nonsense. She knew every aspect of the business, inside and out. She was tough. She was a hard worker.

She would have been 101 years old on August 6th. It's the same birthday as Lisa's. So we both decided to go to Jamestown, NY, the hometown of Lucille Ball for her birthday weekend. Every year there is the LUCY FEST and we wanted in! It was a six hour drive to Jamestown and we half expected the theme song to I Love Lucy to start playing the minute we saw "Welcome to Jamestown!" Our hotel was full of I Love Lucy memorabilia and pictures everywhere of Lucy playing her zany character that she played on television for 25 years.

The first night we went to see "Lucy under the Stars" where in a little courtyard they had a big projector playing I Love Lucy episodes with a whole bunch of people in lawn chairs, laughing and enjoying all the old classics. There were so many we can all think of. Bill Holden. The chocolates. Vitameatavegamin. Harpo. The ballet one. The grapes. It's amazing how millions of people can relate and know EXACTLY what episodes we were talking about.

The next day we took a bus tour of Jamestown. We had a fantastic tour guide who was very knowledgeable and very friendly. We saw murals of Lucy everywhere, saw the house Lucy was born in, went to the house she grew up in (which was also having a garage sale!), and the tour ended with a visit to the Lakeside Cemetery. We went to visit Lucy's grave.

This was big for me. I was going to be standing in the presence of this comedic legend's final resting place. The tombstone had a big heart that said "Ball" on it. I stood there in front of her grave and I began to quietly weep. I couldn't help but feel her spirit right there with me. The honor and excitement of being in that presence, but also the tremendous gratitude of being there and just for what Lucy has done for me in my life. Lucy brought me so much joy and happiness growing up. Lucy always made me laugh and is in my life someway, somehow. Everyone who knows me knows this about me. I even heard Lucy's spirit speak to me, words I will hold close to my own heart. They were for me to hear and no one else. As we left the cemetery, I put my hand on the tombstone and said a silent prayer of thanks to Lucy before we left. It was a big deal for me.

Lisa and I participated in something called the "Lucy Games" where I actually stomped on grapes like Lucy did in one her funniest classic episodes, and Lisa competed in the chocolate wrapping contest and won second place! We watched more "Lucy under the Stars", and at night we went to a replica of Ricky Ricardo's Tropicana to a comedy show with five or six Comedy Central comedians. But the before we went to that, we had Dinner with the Mertzes and Ricardos.

At the Crowne Theatre, we had a beautiful dinner and there was a three act play of these impersonators doing Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, and Fred and Ethel Mertz. The play did a montage of different things they did on different episodes. But these characters were absolutely MARVELOUS! The Lucy impersonator was the best one I have EVER seen in my life, and I have seen many! The mannerisms, the expressions, the voice, I felt like I was right there with the real Lucy! What a treat! I would pay big bucks to follow her and travel to see any other Lucy show she does!

The next day we explored two museums. One of Lucy and Desi's professional life with I Love Lucy and the second museum was on their personal life. There was so many different clothing Lucy would wear, and information on the brilliance of Desi Arnaz that is STILL used in television today. It was because of I Love Lucy that we have re-runs today, and the reason television shows use three cameras at once to film, and I Love Lucy is the only TV show that plays every hour of every day somewhere in the world. No other show can say that! The history is amazing!

I am glad I got to share Lisa's birthday weekend at the Lucy Fest. Lucy was so important to both of us, and Lisa is so very important to me. We had a fantastic time and I highly recommend to anyone to visit the Lucy Fest next year. It's such a wonderful tribute to enjoy and celebrate a woman whose face has been seen more around the world than any face ever, and to show the gratitude for the happiness and joy she brought into so many lives. To quote her ex-husband, Desi Arnaz: "I Love Lucy was never just a title."

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO

Finally...Forgiveness...

Like everyone in the world, I have experienced hurt, loss, betrayal and have gone through the emotions of anger, resentment, regret, and hate. We experience these circumstances and emotions because we are nothing more than HUMAN. I try very hard a lot of times to not be human.  My closest friends may say that is the one thing they dislike about me. But that's who I am. And trying not to be human has great advantages, and it also has it's many great disadvantages. One of them being that you cannot avoid but BE human. We participate as humans sometimes in the worst of ways.

A year and a half ago, I had gone through an experience that I can honestly say was probably the most devastating thing I have gone through. It involved many people who were very close to me that I loved very much, including my best friend of seventeen years. The details do not have to be enclosed, but it caused a lot of hurt, pain, grudges, and resentment on everybody's part. And there was enough blame to share with all involved.

It was Super Bowl Sunday. I now call that day the Sorrow Bowl. The aftermath of what happened that day left a terrible black cloud over all who were there. Some of my closest friends, who were more like family hated each other, were unforgiving, there were lies and stories, families I was once close with hated me out of ignorance, and there were a lot of misunderstandings of actions and intentions.

Over the past year and a half, I have been unable to forgive myself for all that had happened, nor forgive my former best friend of seventeen years. It destroyed me. I felt like I went through a horrible divorce. I involved him in every aspect of my life. Everything I once loved to do I couldn't do. Everything I still did had a hurtful memory, almost like a haunting that followed me every where I go. And some of the people who were once involved to this day are still affected and hold those negative emotions as if it were only yesterday, which does not help in moving on.

Spirit has been stern about forgiving. Throughout the year the topic finds it way to the surface and gets thrown in my face. But I didn't want to. I learned more and more about forgiveness, but couldn't bring myself to doing it. I wrote a blog on forgiveness if you click on this link. Mr. Miyagi said "Those who live with no forgiveness in their hearts live in worse punishment." I have always known this, so I did a great job at avoiding that. But I guess I needed to experience that worse punishment. Only a few weeks later did I write another blog on changes and the past, how we are supposed to learn from them to move on even if they still do hurt. Then a few blogs later I learned about mercy and peace, and I was taught how mercy is for those who don't deserve it and peace was created for those who cannot find it. Then my understanding to accept led me to the lesson of letting go which in turn brought me to the lesson of not caring. All the lessons lead me to forgiveness. But I wouldn't have it. Even with the time I had helped someone heal betrayal with the Forgiveness oil, helping them trust in where life would take them, I still couldn't do it alone.

We teach what we need to learn the most. Humans are flawed and fragile. We all are. So it would be a human's mistake that lead me to seeing something else. A situation had occurred where I shared something I thought I saw concerning my ex-best friend and my brother. I didn't act on it because I was unsure and I don't like to act or speak unless I know what I am talking about. The ex-BFF and brother both know this about me. But it doesn't change when we are committed to knowing and feeling how we want. What I was feeling was mis-communicated to one person who brought it to my brother more mis-communicated who then told the ex-BFF, before I knew it the details changed and intentions misinformed and I looked like the most blatant liar in the world.

It was then that I realized how we as humans participate in ways to fuel our negative emotions so we ourselves do not have to truly deal or release ourselves from moving on. We like what we know. It's predicable. It's scary to let go of all we know and learn from the unknown. We deny ourselves that. WE ALL DO IT. Sorrow Bowl put aside, I thought about everything from that point ON, and could only imagine the falsities and lies both I particpiated in and the ex-BFF participated in when we listened to those around us on how to move one and what to do without just doing what we always did, consult each other for a solution. We had a lot of strong "cheerleaders" around us, but many were wrong, very wrong. Thinking about this, I decided enough was enough. It was time to allow for closure.

I contacted both the ex-BFF and my brother. I wanted to be big boys and talk like adults. Not to point fingers and not to talk about Sorrow Bowl, but to get a basic understanding from each other and find a solution to move forward. The ex-BFF responded first. We all agreed, and we figured out a day and time. Just with the texting back and forth, I was laughing. The ex-BFF and I were still clowns in every which way. They wanted to meet at TMAFC. I wasn't happy about this. I did not feel it was a neutral place and truth be told if they wanted to leave they could, I couldn't. We had no other solution so I allowed it. I tried to think what I could do and then spirit told me "Be a master and teach." I had my answer.

The day came when they both walked into my school. It's been a year and half since I've seen the ex-BFF. He took his shoes off and bowed to the flags (which is what you're supposed to do on dojang) and walked up to me and shook my hand, asked how I was. I told him "Nervous." He said he too. The three of us stood there shooting the breeze for like five minutes, avoiding this talk. But I can't lie, I think we were all enjoying each other's company. He was impressed how I had an iPhone but found it typical my battery was dead at the time (tippy me). He liked my new uniform and noticed how I wear contacts.

I looked at them both and said "Okay, you wanted to come here so you're getting a martial arts lesson. On the mats!" My brother couldn't believe I was serious. I damn straight was serious. I gave them spots on the mats, we bowed to the flags, then they bowed to me. I told them "This is called...Qigong." I did some very basic Qigong movements explaining to them the posture, and the movements, the visualization, the energy flow, the alignment of the body, etc. After a few minutes the ex-BFF looked at me with a little smile and wide-eyed saying "You've been doing some deep mediation stuff." "You have no idea," I said.

Then I did the Qigong form that I did from my Black Belt test. I thought it was a great way to get us started before we talked. We took all the lessons we needed from our past and brought them into our present, and took all we DON'T need and throw it away. We did these movements several times before creating our Qi balls. After some cleansing breaths, we inhaled the Humility oil before we got started.

As we talked, it was like the last year and a half never happened. I was even having fun a little bit. We still referred to inside jokes that went over my brother's head, waving him off as if to say "don't worry about it" if he didn't understand and we laughed. We did not discuss what happened at Sorrow Bowl, that was not our reason for meeting. But we discussed the events that followed that were unnecessary and irrelevant. The abridged version: my ex-BFF and I tried very hard to make each other people we were not, we both disappointed each other, we outgrew each other and worked hard at going past the expiration date but it spoiled anyway. We both participated and believed only what we wanted and were committed to having resentment and hatred from the things we NEVER knew nor heard from each other but our cheerleaders. None of this takes away from the events on and leading up to Sorrow Bowl, but everything after, a lot of pain and angst on both our parts could have been avoided.

My brother happened to have gotten in the middle of all of this unfortunately. We discussed our viewpoints and how the hurt was made and the viewpoints on all our parts. We expressed how we felt and agreed, if we could just keep a flatline of common courtesy, we could move on in a better way. We also agreed not to participate in anything else from our cheerleaders. A lot of damage has been done already that we don't need to add to or allow others to add it.

Then I did what I said I would NEVER do....but I should know better as to never say never. I took out the Forgiveness Oil...I inhaled it...and I forgave him. I felt my ego doing all it can as to not allow me to do such a ludicrous thing!  But spirit prevailed over my ego. I told him fighting back tears that I forgave him and that peace be still in all our hearts from this point on.

It's done....finally....forgiveness....I really, honestly didn't think I could do it. I don't know if the ex-BFF thought I could do it. I don't think my brother knew I could do it. But I did it...the emotions were flushed out of me. Pain does not leave, but this wave of acceptance and allowance to move forward without the grief has begun. We said our goodbyes and moved on.

I do not know what the future brings. No reconciliation may ever come of this, nor will anything be fixed. But if we were to see each other on the streets, we could say hello with a smile and at least remember what once was that meant to much to each of us. One day we may sit don and discuss Sorrow Bowl, but not until we are both ready. I read recently that you truly know you have forgiven someone when you can honestly wish that person well. Regardless of how much hurt I was, after forgiving him I feel as if I can truly say, I hope things go well for you. And I hope he can say that about me. But to the ex-BFF, I do want to say I wish you well. And cholesterol is healing ;) lol.

Yours in service,
MASTER TRENTO