My Last Session

Today just so happens to be my thirteen year training anniversary! I have been training in the martial arts for thirteen years and it is absolutely amazing what experiences I have had and the accomplishments and struggles I have had in that time. Some may say it is more than what most people have, and I am grateful for it all.

Today was also my last training session for the summer with Charlene. She looked at me and said "Okay, what do you want to do?" She knew I wanted to see how far had come, and if I had was happy with the improvement I wanted. We did five different things today, starting with the pull up.

 When we started our training sessions two months ago on July 5, I tried to do a pull up and could not do ONE. I just hung there as I struggled to pull myself up, which I failed to do. I remember thinking, oh no...I cannot believe how far back I fell. I was really upset, but Charlene only said "Great! Room for improvement!" So that made me feel better. Then she had me do them today. I did nine full pull ups before the body began to fight me! I was thrilled!

Then we went over to do one handed push ups, which I have never done before in my life! Well I did 10 one handed push ups on either side. And you know what, I felt I could have done more, but we were only check pointing where I was! If you remember from an old blog post, Charlene made me do a whole workout of just push ups, and I always had a poor attitude with push ups. Poor attitude meaning, I hated doing them! Well she has given me the confidence and motivation to continue doing them and to push myself even more with different types of push ups in my own training in this next upcoming year! I was so happy I did a ONE HANDED PUSH UP! Ten on each side, and never done that before!

Another particular push up I could not do two months ago was a push up doing down and then springing up onto a medicine ball. When we first did this, I did not have the courage of my convictions to do it at all. I was afraid my face would hit the floor first and failed at doing even one. Today I did three sets of 15!!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was on cloud nine!

Then we bench pressed, another new thing I did. I never bench pressed before and Charlene started me out with just the bar which is 45 lbs when I started just so I could get the idea. And may I note, she is fantastic and fair at building me up. When I rocked a certain way with an exercise or didn't fully extend my arm or whatever the case may be, she wouldn't count it. She was giving me a very fair assessment of where the bar was for me, metaphorically speaking.

When bench pressing I moved up to 65 pounds and we kept going up by ten. As of today I did 95 pounds, 3 sets of 10, which I am very happy with! I told Charlene I did not want to become this big buff meathead, but did want to build up my chest a bit and cut it up a little and she did just that. Then the last exercise she chose which she thought I struggled with and those were "the dips" where I put my knees on a platform and I press myself up and down, working my back and triceps. I dipped against 40 pounds, so I was lifting the other 107 pounds of me. I think that is how she explained it.=P

So I am going to try to enjoy my Labor Day weekend. September is the start of a brand new cycle for me, and Charlene will be mentoring me in a different way. But I am eternally grateful to Charlene for helping me get out of bed in the morning, giving me the motivations and momentum I have been needing, and for pushing me physically and setting the ground stage for me to move forward. Thank you Charlene for the ONE thing I enjoyed this summer!! (BOWS)

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Expectation vs Hope

So I had a conversation with a very good friend this past Wednesday and he got me to challenge my thinking further on the lesson of expectations. You can read my first post where I discuss my thoughts on when they are allowed and the repercussions of when expectations aren't met with other people, or yourself, or from a result of something. I wrote a second post on people's responses to expectations where they brought up a few more topics relating to expectations.

So while talking with my friend, we brought up "hope" a lot. And from what I am taught as a martial artist and what I teach my students, you should ALWAYS have hope. Hope brings us motivation to do what we need, the faith behind what we do, and when in times of darkness come upon us, hope gives us that shed of light that we need.

When you think things are impossible, or that there is no chance to accomplish something, that is when we need hope the most! And it is hope that allows us to find the solutions we could not find before, or the ones that were hidden. Hope is the determination to not give up on something. I teach my students that HOPE stands for:

HOPE = Hold On Possibilities Exist

I learned that years ago from a friend of Lisa's. But a thought came to my mind. Is there is a difference between hope with expectations? Is there a difference? I want to believe that hope is different but expectation but I am not too sure. I thought about this during one point in my conversation with my friend Wednesday when he said "I don't want to keep my hopes up." People have the notion that if we hope, we will get hurt. I must beg to differ. Because of what I just said here on HOPE, I must contradict this idea that keeping hopes up hurt us. However, expectations are a different story because when you EXPECT something to be a certain way or for some result to show up, then we get disappointed and hurt. 

So what happens when we don't for what we hoped for? What's the difference between when you don't get what we expect vs what we don't get when we hope for something? In my opinion, I believe when we hope, there are are more apt to bring into your life what it is you want because there is the underlying power of determination that comes with it. I don't think expectation is the same. When I think about expectations, I believe outside forces have to meet them for us to be satisfied. With hope, that is a power that lies within us. As long as we have hope, and hope can grow when many people hope together, I find it to be a more positive attractive force than expectation.

So I think I just found the connection between the two. Expectation and hope are both attractive forces. However, expectations we rely on outside forces to meet, and many times when they are not met, disappointment and hurt sets in. Hope, is a more positive force that comes from inside of our very being, and when hope are not met, I believe we are turned into a different direction to find a better hope. Expectations do not transfigure as positively as hope does. Am I contradicting myself? It is very thought provoking. What do you think?

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

Insomnia

So for the past three weeks, maybe a month now, I have not slept at all. Back in February, I had such a bad time, I actually was awake for 172 hours straight. It is amazing how even once I clear my mind, other things overflow it. It is like I am not taking enough time to empty that cup, and the process of emptying my self is endless.

I hate not sleeping. I am very desperate for a good night sleep. I tried melatonin (able to swallow and chewables), and sleepy time tea. Then I tried a glass of red wine. I wrote all my thoughts out on paper, I reflected on good thoughts and memories, I even counted sheep.

I was told that this is a sign of depression. Still!? I guess there is still a lot of work to be done. A master should be able to take on this challenge head on and overcome it. I believe the background stress in everyday life is trickling into my mind, or the things I put on the back burner are still present, so that is energy that is being wasted, yet it's energy being used all the same. Fighting against bad thoughts and memories that one should not reflect on. The doubting questions of how something will work out, the proper eating and sleeping habits. All of these things contribute to staying awake.

The mind had no closure. It needs to be put in a state of rest so it can reboot, like a computer. But sometimes, it just won't turn off!! Then I think the anticipation of major decisions in one's life is also a draining energy. DO I have big decisions to make in my life? Absolutely, don't we all? But I guess there are different levels and you gotta do it one step at a time.

As I write my thoughts of my insomnia, I remember an old lesson about stress. You see, stress can never be eliminated but it can be reduced. And the biggest step to getting rid of stress in your life is organization! If you think about organizational psychology it is not necessarily where you put things (although don't think that isn't wasted energy in some way) but the organization of your thoughts.

So this is my solution. Besides the melatonin and sleepy time tea, I am going to take the time and start this process of organizing my thoughts instead of just trying to clear them. Because just by clearing myself of my thoughts doesn't mean I have taken the steps to addressing them later. They still exist! Once I organize them, I will address them ONE AT A TIME! You cannot deal with more than one, no multi-tasking, because your focus is split. You'd be surprised at how much more productive you can be by doing 100% focus on one thing at a time then smaller percentages of your focus on many things. Life moves forward by doing one thing at a time. 

I created a little formula to help me out with this to being productive and it goes something like this:

Awareness + Attention = Productivity 

So like many formulas, you cannot change the order. It must stay this way otherwise if you change the order it will not work. Awareness comes first. You must be aware of all the thoughts you have, do not deny them nor ignore them because they will always be there. You are always thinking, remember that!!

Then comes attention. Put your attention on one at a time. Where attention goes, energy flows and results will show. That is how you end up being productive and getting things done. And a sense of accomplishment can help to a good night's rest. I think enough of putting them aside, let's address them, and then work on understanding them so I can accept them. What are your thoughts?

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

The Philosophy of Perfection

Many people are aware of the old saying "practice makes perfect." Well I am going to squash all the beliefs within this saying and get everyone to use a new saying. When I teach all of my classes, the saying I use is "practice makes better."

Why do I change the saying? Because NOTHING is ever perfect. No matter how hard you try, nothing you do, nothing you say, nothing you make, and nothing you become will ever be truly PERFECT because nothing is meant to be perfect.

Now of course we come across things in our lives that we can damn well think "Holy cow, if that ain't perfect, I don't know what is!" But take my word for it. Nothing is ever perfect.

However, I have been called by almost everyone I meet, a perfectionist. And I must say, I agree wholeheartedly with all these people. I am a perfectionist. But I'll go a step further and say I am a perfectionist who does not believe in perfection! I am always pushing myself to improve and get better and better, and sometimes people assume that I am just never happy with what I accomplish, or what my students may give me. But that is not true. I am very happy. I say be happy, but never satisfied!

You see, I believe perfection to be a myth. Because what I may think is perfection may not be what someone else might think is perfect. And what someone else thinks is perfect might not be what another person think is perfect. You see? All of a sudden perfection has different bars. The standards vary and perfection cannot be pin-pointed.

My problem with perfection is that there is a limit. No matter where you see perfection, or someone else, or another person, there is an end. Perfection means nothing more can be done to improve. You have reached a peak and that is it! This is why I do not like the notion of perfection.

When you say practice makes better, you are are not in the mindset that there is an end to your improvement. By saying you can become better, you can reach your peak, and then continue to push that peak beyond limits you ever thought you could ever have! Defy the odds that you can only do so much. That limited thinking will limit you in your goals, your accomplishments, and will limit your capabilities.

When you are a white belt in martial arts, one of the first things you learn is a low block. I am a 3rd Degree Black Belt going for 4th Degree, and I am STILL making my low block better and better. Why? Because I do not limit my thinking by thinking I could never possibly improve such basic techniques. We can grow so far beyond our imagination, it would be such an injustice to not allow ourselves to explore what we really can do. And it is all based on the negative mentality that things are for the most part "impossible" and due to the notion that when we DO accomplish something and we get it to a point of "perfection" there is no more to work on.

Practice makes better! Nothing is ever perfect, but you can always get better! When you get better, you feel better! When you feel better, you do better! Progress is the key to motivation! Go ahead, and surprise yourself in what you can really do!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

The First Step to Acceptance

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."

-Professor Albus Dumbeldore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This summer I have been rereading my all time favorite fictional book series, Harry Potter. I just finished reading the fourth novel today and while I was reading this book, I found an answer to my hidden lesson in reference to my last blog.

First off, I have several teachers and many are fictional. Sound odd? It may but let me explain. I have no master however I have, as you already know, mentors. These are people whom I know personally in my life and guide me in several different ways. However, one may also not only have mentors but role models. Is there a difference? Well that is a matter of opinion and we can make that discussion at a later time. But I can say that I idolize many qualities from my mentors and even my former master, but I have no personal role model. No one I can honestly say "I want to be just like them!"

But there are some cultural role models that I have. People like Walt Disney, Benjamin Franklin, Lucille Ball, Barbara Walters, and Bruce Lee, whom I have studied and tried to understand, to better myself in the qualities they possess. And then there are characters from fictional places whom I absolutely LOVE, and they happen to be all wise characters in their own way but have similar qualities that I would hope to see in myself as a teacher.

For example, if you have ever seen the old TV show The Facts of Life, I LOVE Mrs. Garrett. Don't judge! She was funny and cheesy, but she gave wonderful advice in the times needed most, yet able to hold a jovial disposition. Master Yoda from the movie series Star Wars was this happy go lucky little creature finding it fun to bust Luke Skywalker's chops, but ended up being the most powerful and wise Jedi Master. I love Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid having quotes and metaphors for Daniel LaRusso in every life experience. Professor Oak was the go-to person for all new Pokemon trainers when they started their Pokemon journey!

And then of course Albus Dumbledore, the greatest sorcerer in the world and greatest headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! He was wise, powerful, yet humbling and joyful. He was so light-hearted and his eyes would twinkle, but in moments where evil showed it's ugly face, did you see the fierceness of this wizard's power!

Now don't go thinking I am crazy yet! I know these people aren't real. But does that mean we cannot learn from the lessons these characters pose in these TV shows, movies, and books? After reading the first four Harry Potter books again, I could write a month's worth of blog posts just on quotations of Dumbledore due the the phenomenal substance of what he is teaching to Harry Potter and his friends. Such wise advice, and such intelligent views! Almost inspirational!

With that being said, I was Dumbledore's student today. I haven't been sleeping well, and I feel I have been pushing many things aside and not facing the issues which have grieved my spirit. And I ended my last post questioning whether I should even figure out WHY and just figure out the HOW to fix my little funk. I wanted to figure out what the lesson was behind all this. Well when you keep an open mind, sometimes the answer comes to you when you least expect it, and from the most peculiar places. In this case, it was Dumbledore.

The above quote shot out at me as if it were written in big bold letters. Understanding is the first step of acceptance. Well then that obviously means the WHY is important. That is something I always turned my nose away from. Who cares about why! It just does to do different! That was my thought process. But in order to accept the way things are, or to accept an outcome, or to accept other people's choices, or the accept your OWN choices, to accept the responses to the events in life, first must come understanding. 

I refer us all to my mentor Professor Lisa Sargese in her response to a blog post I made on the responses to expectations:

"Sometimes acceptance is more important than struggle.
Sometimes struggle is more important than settling for what is.
Wisdom helps us discern when to do what."

-Professor Lisa Sargese

 

Acceptance is more important than the struggle. In order to have acceptance in or lives, we must come to understanding behind the reasoning behind the things we do, think, speak, respond, and react to. However, as Lisa points out, there are times where struggling through something builds better character than settling for the way things are. Only experience can let us know the time for which. 

And then of course, once acceptance sets into our heart, can we RECOVER. BINGO! Recovery. I have seen this physcially. I have seen this mentally. How many people have I seen heal their own bodies once they have accepted what they have (whether it be injury or illness) and they make miraculous recovery! They did not deny their ailments, nor were in denial. They accepted fully for what was NOW, and made tomorrow come much quicker. For if they saw today with utmost pain and melancholy, the process is delayed. Another post I made was you get what you think--PERIOD! Focus on the negative you get more negative, focus on positive you get positive. It is basic psychology, not magic!

I have also seen this with the mind! How people transformed their depression to pure happiness! People who have changed anxiety to excitement! People who have turned spite into bliss! They accept what they think about by accepting how they FEEL about something, then have the ability to have this sudden transformation of the heart! 

So now that I have done this with the body and mind, it is time to take the struggle to do the same spiritually. Never done before, so it'll be new. But to accept certain things that have damaged my spirit, I must understand the collaborative lessons, the pros and cons, of my experiences. And in order to do so, I must understand it all. Then I will be on my own road to recovery! Sound challenging? Oh yes! =D Challenge Accepted!

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

Discovering the Hidden Lesson

I do not know why but I have not slept at all this week. It's not a very good pattern. I think I have been running myself down quite a bit, but I also think I have allowed outside forces just suck the spirit out of me this week as well. Sometimes, if we are not aware, we allow negative forces around us penetrate through our positive shield, and then sucks the energy out of us.

I believe that is what has happened to me this week. I gave power to things I should not have given power to. It's okay, though. I just made a MISTAKE, and mistakes are good. If you don't know why I must refer you to my last blog HERE. But I do not believe this is a physical battle nor is it a battle of the mind, which can indeed affect the body. I believe this is a spiritual battle that I must face and look deeper.

Oooooo! A challenge! Here's to me putting all these lessons into action! Now is the time for me to allow myself to make the mistakes, take risks, choose to think in a positive way and ask myself the right questions so I can sharpen my focus to my goals! Indeed I have made a lot of progress this summer, there is no taking steps back. But I believe I am preparing myself for the fall training very well.

I have planned out all my training cycles and even the levels of difficulty I want to build up to. I have particular goals on the outside I will be attending to with all my mentors, and my mental training will be a lot of practical exercises and reading! You would have thought I was studying for a Master's Degree! Well actually I am in some way, HAHA!

So plans and direction are good. I just have to keep myself a sail until the commencement. Eating is okay, but this fatigue that I got this week. It kind of hit me out of no where. I went to bed at 11:00PM last night and did not fall asleep until 7:00AM!!! Only to wake up at 8:14AM! Not a good start. So let me see what I can learn from this experience.

Whatever is keeping me up, I need to address it and learn what I need to from it immediately. This is part of taking care of yourself. Not only exercising, eating right, easing your mind, but also cleansing your spirit. That is something I need to do. And of course keep positive forces near you as well. That is always a great help, and I think I have lacked that the last couple of weeks too. I might be a little too dependent on needing positive people around me, but that is only for now until I get myself to stand on my own two feet!

But another thought of mine is, I don't need to know WHY I am like this, I just know what I DO want to be compared to this state. Should that not be enough? Well if I keep up this pattern, a little more soul searching won't hurt! Sometimes understanding in the action or lack of, can bring us wisdom to our next action on our journey. So I pray and hope that I can be open and receptive to the lesson of this funk!


Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Philosophy of Mistakes

We all make mistakes. We probably all make that statement quite often. But how many people, when the time comes, actually admit to it? The truth is, we all DO make mistakes in one way or another, and we always will. However, people find mistakes to be humiliating or failures. I sometimes feel we are taught this by society and then the individuals within society keep that notion alive.

Teaching martial arts for over a decade, I teach all the time that one of the most important things in your training will be the number of mistakes you make. Mistakes are a good thing! And many people will know the answer that "You can learn from your mistakes." But how many people LIVE it?

I can take this level of learning from your mistakes to different levels, as I always do with these new lessons. When you make a mistake, you experience the other side of the spectrum, which some of us are not always inclined to do. People want to gets things right the first time, and that is not always natural. Making mistakes can also give you the appreciation behind something you do, because you understand the complexity of whatever you are striving to do, and you also understand the amount of effort that is required to do something.

I always said I'd prefer a student who always struggled to accomplish something than one who has things come naturally because without the struggles, I find in 8/10 cases, the birth of "wasted talent" emerges due to that lack of understanding and appreciating the abilities they are gifted with.

We have to control our attitude towards mistakes. For the record, mistakes are NOT failures. It goes back to my blog post of finding the positives in failures. I never use the word failure because I don't believe in it. Our mistakes help us grow, and help us move forward. Sometimes mistakes have consequences, some more severe than others, but there are always a good purpose behind them. We cannot be so hard on ourselves with our mistakes, and I am understanding that more and more now.

When I do Black Belt tests, or any belt test for that matter, I slowly track the progress a student makes on how hey respond to their mistakes. What I try to train my students for is that making a mistake is okay, as long as it doesn't take away from our focus and effort. As long as we stay concentrated and do our best, the mistake won't break us down. As the belts get higher we see how the students master that philosophy more and more. By the time they are Black Belts, they can perform beautifully and if there was a mistake, a spectator (even one that knows what is going on) wouldn't notice the mistake because their intense focus and flow of their movements is never interrupted. When I do catch them (and I almost always do) I ask them, "Did you make a mistake?" When they answer yes, I give them props for they demonstrated that exact philosophy of not allowing the mistakes to phase you at all.

Also, to be aware you made a mistake while still moving on? And excellent skill! Its when they don't notice at all, that the lesson pushes on harder (as well as a few push ups to remind them) or if they know they made a mistake and deny it (more push ups) because then there is a question in integrity. They don't have to be honest with me, they have to be honest with themselves. Myself and other judges always know the difference between the two.

Mistakes are also good because we become better teachers. If you are a student that makes all the right mistakes, you most certainly will make one of the greatest teachers for someone else. You will know all the right ways to make adjustments and changes, and how to fix any challenges in the way. This is where wisdom is given birth. And I don't only mean this through martial arts training and exercises! Your basic life skills as well. Words spoken to people, actions made, decisions that were chosen, etc. Mistakes are part of life! Do not close yourself off to them. Always be open to making mistakes, to better yourself! We also learn from other people's mistakes. We see them, we hear about them, and we can still learn from them. This only adds to our repertoire of knowledge!

But I again approach the idea of our attitudes towards mistakes. Forget failures, but seeing them as moments of humiliation! Own up to your actions! Someone told me the other day about a scheduling mistake he made, nd left thing as they were so he wouldn't look like an "idiot." Don't ever worry about how you will "look" as many people are. There are always solutions and you can gain more sometimes by admitting to a mistake then you made one. This person probably would have been able to be more involved in his activity if he let up.

I have trained myself to always own up to my mistakes. But I also keep a golden rule to keep my mouth shut unless I know what I am talking about. Mostly because I feel like it is the right thing to do, and it does keep me from making SILLY mistakes. But I most certainly did not hide from them, because sometimes silence is NOT always the best answer. And that is where my mistakes led me. And whenever I made a mistake, being a person who holds myself accountable to my actions, I admit where I am wrong.

Problem is, when dealing with your average Joe who finds mistakes to be humiliating and failure, everyone will point the finger at the only person who admits to making them. It's happened to me recently, actually, and it's a wonder why I never feared admitting to my mistakes ever again. I can understand why people do fear it. But the bottom line, you gain so much more by admitting them, facing them, and learning from them, then to hide from them, pretend you didn't make them, and not allowing yourself to make them. You limit yourself to so much.

So I say to you, make mistakes! And enjoy them!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Being a GPS

One of the greatest lessons my master taught me is one I often do for myself and other people. I call it the GPS drill. When you are on a journey like mine, or any kind of mission or goal you are trying to accomplish, especially long term goals, you have to figure out your checkpoints.

A checkpoint is when you can analyze where you are at and you see if you are working in a good direction, making progress, or need to make a few changes. So why do I call it the GPS drill?

Well let's think about what a GPS does. When you turn the GPS on, what is the first thing it does? Think about this! Because some people forget this first part of being a GPS. A GPS first configures with the satellite to figure out it's current location. It finds out where it is RIGHT NOW.

The second thing the GPS does is it asks you where would you like to go. You have to enter the location in which you want to go, but are not at this present time. So you specifically enter the state, city name, street name and number of the building. You go right down to those little details.

Then the third and last thing the GPS does is tell you exactly how to get to your location. And in most instances it gives you the simplest and quickest way to get to your target location as possible.

Let's blow this idea of a GPS out into a bigger picture! Many times in life, we have to ask ourselves the right questions. I wrote a blog about free will to thinking and how we have the ability to choose our thoughts and we should choose to make those thoughts positive, and I also wrote a blog on focusing on your thoughts to a point where you get exactly what you think no matter whether it is positive of negative. But he actual act of thinking is the asking of questions! I will elaborate more at a later time, but I think this is a good way to start.

Whenever you do something in your life, like my journey to becoming a master and the many lessons I am seeking to learning and understanding to come back to the light, you need to have checkpoints to see where you are at. And you do this by asking yourself three main questions:

1) Where am I now?

2) Where do I want to go?

3) How am I going to get there?

You cannot change the order of these questions. You have to identify where you are at RIGHT NOW. If you don't know where you are this very instant, you will never be able to compare or calculate the direction in which you want to take in anything in your life, or make a definite plan of action to go anywhere else. Simple, yet effective. Just like turning on that GPS, it has to configure where it is NOW before telling you anything else.

Then the second question is asking yourself, "Where do I want to go?" Many people find themselves lost, but this is a great way to figure it out. Most people don't ask themselves this very simple yet powerful question! And don't be vague. Vague questions, dreams, prayers, etc only get you vague results. Get as specific and detailed as you can, like a GPS gets right down the the very last bit of information it needs. The state. The city. The number. The street. So ask yourself, "Where do I want to go?" What are your goals? And don't ever limit yourself! 

And then finally, another question people don't bother to ask is "How do I get there?" Ask the question and you will find your answer! And the more you focus on that question, the deeper your thoughts, the more this question gets answered. yet another lesson to discuss later on. You have to understand that once you identify where you are at now, and decide where you want to go you have to figure out how you can get there, and the answers are always there when you look hard enough to find them. Your dominant thoughts of your end result will bring up answers you would never have thought of before! 

It's an amazing lesson! Try it out! Be a GPS, and let me know how it works out for you!

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

Unconditional Love

 

(Sadie the Boxer, my God-dogger)

"A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things - a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty."   

                              -John Grogan, Marley and Me, 2005 

 

For the record, I have never ever been a "dog person," and for that fact I have never been an "any-kind-of-animal" person before. Not that I disliked animals, but I liked them from a distance. I used to have issues when dogs would lick my face, or on my mouth, I thought it was disgusting. When they shed and had hair everywhere. Those things used to skive(sic) me out. 

Now I have had family members with dogs and cats before, and they never took to me because mainly I would not take to them, in all fairness. Even in my last apartment, downstairs were two dogs, one who was as friendly as can be and loved to eat, and another who hated anything breathing except for it's three owners, HAHAHA. With the exception of the cat, Digger, whom was more human than cat to me, I never got along with animals.

And then at my Grand Opening of my martial arts school, one of my best friends, Kristin Barrett, says to me "Do you want to meet my daughter?" Daughter?! What?! So I walk outside, and there waiting was this small, beautiful Boxer. "Her name is Sadie." Sadie truly was a beautiful little pup. And there was only one word that popped into my mind when I met her: Energy! Oh boy! If Sadie was a human with that much kind of energy, I'd LOVE to have her in one of my martial arts classes.

I met Sadie again a few weeks after that at a BBQ Kristin was having, and then again in the winter and she grown in size and in beauty. Then sometime in the spring, Kristin asked me if I could spend the day with Sadie because she was going down the shore to visit relatives. I said sure no problem. But wait a minute! I don't like taking care of pets! What was I thinking?! I guess my love for Kristin overcame my lack of love for animals, because I would do anything for Kristin.

Well after my first time dog-sitting for Sadie, I was hooked! She welcomed me with all this energy, I took her out, she listened, gave her treats, and when I would sit on the couch to watch TV, she would come right up and sit next to me. There were two times, though, that she won me over. At one point, The Karate Kid was on TV and I was actually commentating to Sadie what was going on. And then she laid her head down on my lap. OH MY GOD!!!!! I went all gushy! My heart turned to puddy! Unconditional love! I have always heard the saying "A man's best friend" is a dog. Well now I knew why! Another time that evening she just came up and sat on my lap like nothing. As if she were a toddler wanting to sit on my lap. I was in love with a Boxer!

When Kristin got home I was telling her what a great time I was having with her and how I felt the love from Sadie, and when it was time to leave (get ready for this), Sadie was actually pouting! It didn't LOOK like she was pouting, she WAS pouting. Her bottom lip protruding out, and I was prolonging my leave because I didn't want to leave that unconditional love either! I can't remember where I'd have that before!

A few weeks later I get another opportunity to babysit Sadie! Kristin and her girlfriend were going out with a bunch of friends to see this comedian in the city and offered me a chance to watch Sadie and spend the night. I was there! Once again, I experienced unconditional love that I cannot remember experiencing from anyone else before! She sits on my lap, puts her head on me, licks the hell out of my face (which I am getting used to), and just happy to see me! 

So after that second visit with my little slumber party with Sadie, I was named Sadie's Godfather. So Sadie has been dubbed my God-dogger! And I absolutely love her! To think? ME? The Godfather of a Boxer? It's a title I am so proud to have, as much as being called a Black Belt! And I used to make fun of people who would be so gaga over their pets like this! Well I guess they showed me! The unconditional love won me over.

 

Last weekend I got another chance to watch Sadie overnight, while Kristin and her girlfriend, Diana, went down the shore. I picked up Sadie from the camp she was at and she didn't know who was picking her up and she was so excited to see me! Well I had to treat her to a little something special! It was a beautiful day so I decided to take her to the park. We walked the entire two parks, which is about 4 miles. She was SUCH a good dog. Never barked at other dogs on their leashes like the others would do, it made me so proud!

However, I didn't know how Sadie was when it came to ducks and geese. I didn't think of this before until our first test approached. Up ahead about 50 feet was a large group of geese. Uh-oh. I didn't think about this. As we approached our first test, I began to hold the leash with a firmer grip. But my Sadie is such a good dog, I need not worry at all! Sadie was exploring! She looked at this new park in wonderment, taking in every little detail! One small dog tried to bark at Sadie and she just looked at it like "For real?" When she was tired of being bullied by this rat sized dog she barked three times and it ran away. An elderly gentlemen nearby laughed his socks off!

We went back home and she PASSED OUT! She was tired between the park and camp. But she would come by and sit next to me, and my heart went all gushy again. She ate, watched TV, and then slept with me that night. It broke my heart to leave because I had to put her in her cage, and I told Kristin "Don't ever make me do that again!" I felt so guilty. I came back later when Kristin and Diana were home, and I got such a wonderful greeting from Sadie! Kristin was like "Excuse me! We didn't get a greeting like that when we got home!" 

Sorry mommy! But I'm the Godfather! I was telling them all about our weekend together and then Sadie came up to me licking my face like unbelievable, Kristin saying she felt "a little jealous, I can't lie," and then she sat down beside me to sleep. But then you know what happened next? Sadie put her paw in my hand while she was sleeping. 

Diana pointed it out and said "She loves her Godfather!" And I get teary eyed, because I am such a sensitive dope, and I say "And her Godfather loves his God-dogger." There are no words to describe unconditional love like that. I never wanted a dog of my own before, and Sadie changed that for me. Now is not the time, so Sadie is my prize. In a couple of weeks I get her again and I am so excited! But to experience unconditional love that is so surreal to me.

I only have a few friends who ever greet me the way Sadie does, hahahaha. And maybe a few relatives. When my younger brother was even younger maybe he would, but not anymore. But every time I get a greeting from Sadie, I know without any doubt there is love. When she plops herself on my lap, or puts her paw in my hand, even when she slobbers all over my face, you know you are loved. To have absolutely no doubt that someone loves you to that extreme and shows it in those little ways is absolutely priceless! Thank you Sadie for that love. Your Godfather loves you too! 

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

 

 

Responses to Expectations

WOOOOOOOOOOW......I got a lot of responses from the expectations post I recently did. Some were very intriguing new insights, some things I agree with, and some things I disagree with. So here are my thoughts based on the collaboration of YOUR responses!

First of all, my mentor Lisa Sargese, author of the blog Lisa's Life Lessons wrote an entire blog entry in response to mine which I encourage you all to go read HERE. After all, it was Lisa's quote that got me pondering in the first place (that is her job anyway! To challenge my thinking as my mentor!--lol).

She begins by introducing us to the lesson of appreciating the present over past and future, yet not completely negating what we learn from the past to help our future. Although it makes an exception to the rules based on present, we don't throw away the core principles in which it stands for. What really stood out for me was this paragraph:

"Finding ways that the aphorism doesn't work
doesn't mean we should
throw away the truth of it.
That's where wisdom comes in.
We have to find the value and the truth
in something that confuses us.
We need to develop the wisdom to
use the lessons in the best context
without thinking that it will make sense 100%
of the time."

-Professor Lisa Sargese

Beautifully put! And yet she opens my mind to more philosophical questions I have on things like truth and wisdom. But I'll save them. Our brains can only endure so much! HAHA! 

The other point Lisa points out which I am in total agreement with was her response to the idea of expectation to draw things to you you as said in The Secret. Bottom line, the sole purpose of the idea, and I do not know why I missed this in the first place, is to have the notion that you WILL have the result you have clearly in your mind, but not worry about the HOW. THAT is where the attachment sometimes falls into play. We can be attached to HOW something happens and when it doesn't our responses to being disappointed in the HOW pushes us off course and we end up loosing the end result that we may most likely still could have attained. THEN that is here disappointment lies. 

"Sometimes acceptance is more important than struggle.
Sometimes struggle is more important than settling for what is.
Wisdom helps us discern when to do what."

-Professor Lisa Sargese

How wise my mentor is! Then she goes into how commitments to other people or other people's commitment to US, how we ARE attached. And people who break those commitments on a continuous basis, a pattern of behavior does bring us great disappointment. And I like how she said "we would be inhuman" if we were to have no attachments to lead to disappointment. But when the behavior is continuous, we as humans have the ability to make choices about how we deal with this lack of integrity.

My friend Jessie responded to the last post calling people, what Lisa says acting without integrity, disrespectful. I agree to this point, because if someone does it on a consistent basis, and it is made known to them, it is absolutely disrespectful to that other person. She recons I'll get tired of it. She said "Human beings fail us because of their individual plights in life and the differences that make up life." Now Jessie does not know who stood me up last week, does bring up a point about value. If people truly value you as an individual, they would be considerate enough to hold up their expectation as a friend, or employee, or family member, or student, whatever their role is. This person has stood me up many times and it is indeed disrespectful and hurtful. Yet there are other times where he is respectful and values me. Inconsistency? Or is the value greater when in one role but not in another? Another good discussion topic.

Then my Aunt Chris brought up some good points on the subject. She feels the complete opposite and finds the action not to have anything to do with respect. This I disagree on. The one thing I value of mine is time, and when someone disrecpects my time, they disrespect me. If it happens once, ok. Twice, aright. many times, it's disrespectful. And one time being respectful has nothing to do with another time of not being disrespectful and vice versa.

But Aunt Chris also brings up a fantastic point that no one is perfect! And besides people disappointing us due to not holding up to expectations of how to be as a friend, colleague, or whatever the role is, there are just as many times that WE as individuals have disappointed OTHER people because our expectations were not in alignment with OTHER people's expectations for us! AHA! Turn the tables around and think outside the box! Well done Aunt Chris for getting us to view this! She also found a quote by my favorite warrior, Bruce Lee: "I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine." She states this only to follow up with her own wise words of : "...we all live and learn..just don't lower your expectations [because] then you take apart of yourself away!" Good call!

So a lot of different views, and they all help me a little bit more closer to coming up with what my own lesson will be with this. And at the same time it opens to new questions and leads to other great things. Let me ponder a while. Thank you to Professor Sargese, Jessie, Aunt Chris, and the several other people who have responded via facebook, email, and messages! (BOWS)

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

When are expecatitons allowed?

Lisa sent me a text yesterday about something, and her text was quite thought provoking the more I thought about it:

"The more you care about someone the more magnified their actions become. Expectations lead to disappointment." -Lisa Sargese

I pondered on this lesson a lot. I reflected on many situations from my life and thought about how many people I cared about that hurt me or disappointed me. Some still do. Do we naturally put expectations on people we care about without meaning to? 

I was having a conversation with the Zumba instructor at my school and we had a similar conversation about this. How many people say "Oh I'll come to the class!" and then never show? Many. But she said never hold expectations that they will and you will never get disappointed. 

Well one of my gifts and curses that live simultaneously in me is that when I care for someone, I really care for them very very much. I invest a lot of emotion into the people I really care about. So I guess, because the level of emotion I invest is so high, the level of disappointment that comes with it gets so high, and becomes very hard to deal with. I was in a situation several months ago where several people turned on me, and they were people whom I loved dearly. The whole scenario went bad to ugly, and I was devastated. I lost my best friend of 17 years, which in the end was really no loss to me. But the other people who were dragged in this ugly situation responded off of false information and misleading knowledge, and a few close friends who said they'd never turn their back on me had. It nearly killed me.

One of my best friends who I confided in said something to me during this time that echos in my ear a lot. She said "The only person you can count on is yourself." I find this to become more and more true, but very very sad to believe in. And honestly I don't want to. First of all, I have this bad habit to giving people the benefit of the doubt and second chances, almost to a fault. And I never give up on people, especially when others do. Maybe one day I will learn to do so. But will I learn to do so because it is easy? Or because it's the right thing to do? Is it? But if I gave up on people in the past, a lot of people would not be in my life today, including her! So how can I conform to this idea?

Right now, according to my values it isn't. But values can change. But then another point enters my mind that Sifu Pedro Yee told Lisa and I at our Qi Gong Meditation seminar. He said "No attachments." He meant don't be attached to people, how people are, how people's responses will be, how people will react to things, nor be attached to an outcome with a person. It's almost like when Professor Dumbledore said to Harry Potter in The Sorcerer's Stone in the chapter "The Mirror of Erised": It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

So is that was an expectation is? An attachment to some emotional factor with another person or event, that when the end result is not what we feel for, we gain that terrible illness of disappointment? A hopeless dream? But now here comes a very contradicting notion from Rhonda Byrnes's book The Secret. It says "Expectation is a powerful attractive force. Expect the things you want, and don't expect the things you don't want," (page 93). In addition, one of the teachers in the book, and one of my favorites, Bob Proctor says "Desire connects you with the thing desired and expectation draws it into your life," (page 72).

So are these things the material things? Or can this be for things like answers or solutions? I have learned to be very specific in my thoughts and prayers to get specific results and answers, and to tell you the truth it always works. I believe that has always been the case with Lisa as well. But these answers and solutions we look for and have clearly in our minds we attempt to attract, aren't we attached to those expectations?

So when are we allowed to have expectations? I don't know if I fully agree or if I just partially agree with Sifu Yee's lesson in no attachments. Yet it relates to Lisa's quote and my Zumba instructor's thoughts of have no expectations and you'll never be disappointed. It also goes along with my friend's advice of you can only count on yourself.

But then I think of all the times I never gave up on people, and believed in them when no one else had. They are still in my life, and are all good people who do well, and are good friends or have become good friends. Did I not hold an expectation for myself as their friend to never give up on them? Do you see where I am torn here? 

The other curse of mine and a true belief I have is that I will always care for people ten times more than they will EVER care for me in return. It's a notion I have found to become truer and truer as time goes on. Is this a negative thought? I do not know, but for now it has been a reality of mine. Just the other day, one of my best friends stood me up when we made plans, and he does it quite often. Should I have expected this from him? Or did I expect him to maybe value the fact we made plans for something?

My last thought on the subject is expectations for ourselves. I always held high standards and high expectations for myself. I mean that is the main reason for this blog, to hold myself accountable to overseeing myself hold thee high expectations in becoming a master! I am doing things not many people do. If I am going to earn a title such as master, I have to hold expectations for myself, no? So without these expectations and being ATTACHED to the ideas of what is expected of me, where will the drive come from? 

What are your thoughts on expectations? Leave a comment here or on my personal or business facebook page. You can also email me. I'm curious to see what you have to say on the topic.

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

Face Your Feelings!

You know when something really bothers you or really hurts you? You get to the point where the anxiety builds up, your heart rate increases, and the tears form in your eyes? I hate those moments. However, I am no stranger to them. Most of us go through those moments, and nine out of ten times it has to do with other people.

But you know what most people do? They try to do something else to get it off their minds. But the truth is, it is ALWAYS on your mind. Even when you choose to ignore it, or not to address it, it is there. And when you leave it be, it lingers and dwells on its own and then you have it grow into something else.

You cannot run away from your feelings. Most people try, but are unsuccessful. And those who say they can are lying to themselves. You need to be able to get it out of your mind and either get some closure, a solution, or face the feelings so they are not there any more. Once confronted, you can at least function properly. When you don't you confront them, it prevents you from performing anything correctly. You make mistakes, you accidentally do thing wrong, because it's wasted energy that was not channeled.

One drill taught to me by my master was to get a pad of paper and just write out your thoughts. You keep writing until there is nothing left to rite, when you completely have no words coming to you. The phrase he used to use was from one of the greatest martial arts books called Zen in the Martial Arts by Peter Hyams. The phrase was EMPTY YOU R CUP!

The cup represents your mind. The liquid in the cup are your thoughts, doubts, distractions. If a cup is full and you keep putting into the cup, it overflows. That is the same with our minds. Once we are able to empty the cup, can we put what we want into it.

When you have strong feelings that are beyond bothering you, don't hide from them. FACE THEM! Do this drill, clear your mind, then move forward to the next step of functioning.

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Making Progress

So about a month and a half on this journey, and I must say I am doing better than I thought, and yet I can still do better! I have been eating more healthy for the most part, I have lost 13 pounds, and my waking up in the morning to work out, whether it be at the dojang (training area in Korean) or with Charlene at the gym, I am happy with that. I am also happy with some of the mind lessons and refreshers, and insights I have been able to muster up and share here.

I am on the edge of glory still. One the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, THE EDGE! Still got to get that last jump! Working out with Charlene has been a wonderful and she really has given me the momentum I needed and motivation that I lacked due to the depression. I am definitely stronger, healthier, and more satisfied with my physique, which I will continue to work on fr that fourth degree test. We will do another assessment at the end of the summer, sort of like a checkpoint.

You have to understand the kind fo student I am. I have always made very full and intense workout schedules for myself, and created these cycles that I follow and plan out during three different periods of the year: January- June, July-August, and Sept-Dec. It's when I identify my goals and create the cycles for those months, and then follow the schedule. I don't only do the fitness, but the martial arts and mental training as well. It's been a long time, but I have done it again just as I have for those many years. I identified my goals, created the schedule and cycles, now there is only one thing left to do: APPLY! This coming fall will be good, and thanks to the momentum I got from Charlene, and I will coming back full speed ahead....thank GOD!

This September I will be doing more sparring training myself. I have been so grateful for my friend Robert who I wrote about before. He really gets me into the groove to do that training and I think once I get started with my old cycles and building on them like I want to, I will be in good shape to start to compete again. There is one competition I am bringing my team to on October 2nd, and I am debating whether I should do this one. We'll see. BUT, I did speak to my sparring mentor on the phone today, Captain Peter Bardatsos! And he gave me some GREAT news!

I have seen he has been doing these sparring seminars every month with one of his partners and there is one coming up in September that I plan on going to. It'll start me up on my sparring training with him, and then I was planning on going to his school in Queens like I used to when I was younger. I explained to him on the phone what it is I am looking to do, and he just told me he is opening up a new school in Little Falls, NJ! That is 10 minutes away from me here! I was ecstatic! Another great opportunity! The next seminar will be at his new school and he is going to call me so we can set up those sparring workouts. I am so hyped!

I will also be going this fall to see Master DeJesus and get a jump start in some self-defense work. He has graciously invited me to work out on Saturdays at his dojang in Rockaway and I am not only thrilled to be working out with him but I am thrilled to be with a true master such as himself. This is more motivation than I have had in a very long time. I am very happy to seeing this progress and the direction I will be going. Before I visit Master Balon, I have a new form I am going to learn and then I will be making my way to Spotswood as well.

Then the fuel behind all of this is my intensity, which is where Lisa comes in! She has made some phenomenal progress after her knee surgery and is enjoying her birthday cascade! Follow her on her blog, she is absolutely awesome! I have planned out my mental training but haven't set the direction for it, so I will be collaborating with her very soon. I have ideas, but her input is going to be gold for me!

Progress is the key to motivation! I am so happy I am getting there. I wanted it so bad. I have a lot of goals in so many different areas of my life, and most people would get overwhelmed at this point. But I am excited! More excited than I have been in a very long time. I still have a few brick walls, a lot are in my head and my heart. But as Randy Pausch said, the brick walls are only there to show us how badly we want something. And I am choosing to be a "Tigger" and not an "Eyore." That is my choice!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Oldest Living Black Belt

"I approached Judo and my life with the intent to be gentle, kind and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically. This kind of beauty is decidedly not external. A compassionate soul is inner beauty. I believe this is true beauty...All my life this has been my dream."       -Sensei Keiko Fukada


A friend of mine posted this link on my Facebook page and I read this article and was absolutely fascinated! The article was about a 98 year old woman who had achieved her 10th Degree Black Belt in the martial art Judo! She i one of four living this high rank. It is the highest rank you can earn in judo and many martial arts and only 16 people have accomplished this in Judo!

I am in awe to see someone with that kind of passion and to live to be almost 100 years old still training and teaching martial arts! I want to be just like this sensei! And I always have a deep respect for "powerful" women like this Sensei Fukada. Women in our culture like Lucille Ball, Barbara Walters, J.K Rowling and so many others always intrigued me. I also have very strong women in my family. Going up in ranks of martial arts, I was one of three boys and I trained with seven girls, and NONE of them were pushovers by any means. And when I opened my own school, believe it or not I had more girls than boys sign up! At one point my class ratio was 8 girls to one boy!

So my female students who are reading this blog, there is a lot to say for GIRL POWER! But besides being two years away from being one hundred and a female, but this master of martial arts had a DREAM, very much like I have a dream. And I guess it goes to show you that you truly are NEVER TOO OLD to accomplish your dreams!

Thank you Sensei Keiko Fukada for inspiring other martial artists such as myself to push on in our raining, and give people like myself the inspiration to go for MY dream to becoming a master, and I hope I can be in my nineties getting my tenth degree just like you! And thank you for inspiring the women who come into the martial arts, in showing them true GIRL POWER!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Article: http://shine.yahoo.com/event/vitality/98-year-old-woman-becomes-first-woman-ever-to-earn-judos-highest-degree-black-belt-2523297

You get what You Think PERIOD

I have learned a great deal about focus through my martial arts training. There are many different levels of focus, but I am going to hare with you the most important type of focus I think there is. I learned this when I was seventeen and it had totally changed my view of things completely in my life, and it is sometimes a struggle to keep in mind, but as always, practice makes better.

Your mind is your greatest weapon, if used correctly. If you program your mind with negative things, your dominant thoughts of negativity will always override any positive solutions to your life. If you program your mind to have dominant thoughts of success, joy, happiness, those will become your reality. Your actions, choices, words are all determined by your dominant thoughts. Beauty is, you can always reprogram your mind.

If I asked my mind a question I will also get an answer. If I asked myself, "Why am I so stupid?" The mind will answer. However, if I asked the mind, "Why am I so smart?" I will STILL get an answer. My question to you: What is the better question to ask?

Obviously the second question. But how many of us are aware of what we say to ourselves? Your mind gives you what you focus on period. The first question was focused on "stupid." The second was focused on "smart." Regardless of which question I asked, I will get an answer based on whatever the focus is.

If I had a radio that was not working properly, and I kept asking "Why is this not working?" And continued to ask that question, what is the focus on? NOT WORKING! SO the answer I will always get will be my radio not working! But I changed my question to "How can I fix this?", the focus is now on FIX THIS. You WILL guaranteed to have an answer to FIXING it, because the mind will find it!  The psychology behind this is absolutely amazing!

Sometimes there are answers around us, and we don't truly see the answers because our focus is on what we don't want. So therefore, we always get what we don't want. But once we change our views and thinking, what was just background before, now pops out at you as you answer!

If I said "Don't fall, don't fall.." I always fall. Once I started saying "Keeps steady, keep steady..." I was always in control. It is time we take control of our thoughts and be aware of our language. I was taught that the most powerful words in the English language are I AM. Whatever comes after that is your reality, because it is your dominant thought and affects your actions, decisions, and words that make it true.

In my cardio class tonight, someone said "I am just not coordinated!" You know what? The more that person says it, the more that will be true, and the mind and body will follow. If someone says "I am just an impatient person," that person will always be an impatient person. If someone says "I am so fat," that person shall always view themselevs and other people will also view them as fat.

I get so annoyed when people say things like "Well that's how I am!" and "hat's just me!" Well it doesn't HAVE to be that way! People are making the choice to focus on those things and that is what will happen. i knew of a woman who was 200 pounds, and every day she said "I am 120 pounds," and by saying it every day, she acted, ate, and walked like a 120 pound person would. Her actions, choices, and words brought her to being exactly what she said she was.

So if we changed what we said about ourselves and say things like "I am happy," "I am successful," "I am athletic," "I am coordinated," "I can do this," "I am likable," "I am flexible," "I am patient," then we can truly be amazed our the results and change our lives! But as always, you have the free will to make your own choice. The skeptics will say that this will never work because their whole life they never saw how positive thiking worked! Well that is because they did not know how to focus on what they wanted, and focused on only what they didn't want. Regardless, you get what you focus on PERIOD!

Wayne Dyer once said : "Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change."

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Reminders of the Rocking Chair

One of the lessons I have learned from my former master was the rocking chair drill. He once told me to close my eyes and picture myself as an old man rocking in a rocking chair. He told me, as the old man to go back through my life reminiscing all the things I have done in my life and all the experiences I go out of my life. He said to picture all the good things, the things I could have done better, the things I wanted to do and never did, and imagine all of these thoughts at once.

Then after much visualizing in the rocking chair of my mind, he told me to open my eyes. And then he reminded me, I was NOT an old man in a rocking chair, and all those years I was looking back at, I was in the very beginning NOW! No time passed me by! So the best time to get a move on to all those things I want to accomplish is NOW.

I cannot begin to tell you about all the people I run into and they say oh I'm too old, or I can't do that, or it's too late to do that now etc. You are NEVER too old to do something, and it is NEVER too late to embark on a mission! I hate it when people make those excuses as to not to do them. Why? Because you didn't get to do it when you WANTED? What's wrong with now?

Many years ago, everyone might remember of the grandmother who picked up the car to save her grandchild. How the heck did she do it!? Well one peak performer tried to interview this grandma and she refused several times, until he finally went to her house. She was stunned at the persistence of this man, yet reluctantly invited him in. She offered him breakfast and every time he asked a question about "the incident," she avoided the question. he finally blurted out "Why won't you talk about it?"

She finally sighed and said "I don't like to talk about 'the incident' because at my age when you do something you thought was completely impossible at my age, you begin to question everything you ever did or didn't do in your life." This elderly woman did the impossible in her mind and was sulking at all the things that maybe she COULD have done when she said she couldn't.

So the interviewer asked her what it was she always wanted to do. She told him she always wanted to study rocks and get a degree in geology. He told her "Well why don't you?" She went on at how she was 60 years od and in five years when she finished she would be 65, etc etc. Then he said to her "I have bad news for you. Whether you go study geology or not, in five years you are STILL going to be 65. So why not start NOW?" She realized he had a point. So he remortgaged her house, figured a way for herself to go back to school at 60 years old and not only got her degree in geology but her masters degree and to this day is teaching at a University. Something she always wanted to do.

The best time to do something is NOW. Enough of the excuses. Now is the time to do what you really want. I bet you I can find a way for you to accomplish what you want. When you find the excuses, I can find the opportunity. Look for the opportunity, not the reason why not to do something, because then you're going backwards. So once in a while, do the rocking chair drill to remind you of all the time you still have, and not to waste it! There is always time to do something!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

Love to Laugh

Lucille Ball

August 6, 1911 - April 26, 1989

 "“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

-Lucille Ball

“Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't.”

-Lucille Ball

“I think knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can."

-Lucille Ball

“It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."

-Lucille Ball

Those who know me best know that I have ALWAYS loved Lucy! Since I was a kid, I always loved watching, and that is the honest to God's truth! I own every episode of I Love Lucy and I made my brother Thomas watch every episode with me. Whenever I may be in a down mood, I pop an episode or two in and my whole attitude changes. Like I said, ask anyone who knows me, my cell phone ring tone has been the I Love Lucy theme song for the last 4 or 5 years!

Being the kind of person that I am, when I truly admire a person, I want to learn all about them and understand the person they became. I always loved Lucy for her talent and ability to make people laugh like no one else can, but also for the many great "firsts" that left so many different Legacies. But beyond that, she was all business. She was serious in her work and ran her studio with an iron fist, and knew everything to her business inside and out! Something I always admired about her and always wanted to have in myself.

I have watched countless of interviews of her, countless of documentaries, several biographies, and this past Memorial Day weekend I read her autobiography which was published years after her death. So I am a little Lucille Ball expert, if I don't mind saying so myself. But her story fascinates me.

When she was a teenager, he went to an acting school in the city, where she was starstruck my the schools top student Betty Davis! She was told to go home, that she had no talent, and would never amount to anything. Can you imagine if Lucy listened? Can you imagine how stupid that teacher must have felt years later??

She was in over forty movies, nothing that made her a HUGE star however. She was known as the Queen of B pictures, and she met her Cuban husband, Desi Arnaz, in one of those pictures called Too Many Girls. Their marriage was rocky at the beginning and she wanted to work with her husband. An opportunity came up t have a TV show, which was frowned upon at the time, and she wanted her real life husband to play opposite of her. She was given a lot of opposition. Who would believe she was married to a Cuban? But her only answer to that was "I AM married to a Cuban!"

Then in October of 1951 I Love Lucy aired. To this day, I Love Lucy is the only TV show to never have been off the air, and is playing every hour of every day SOMEWHERE in the world! No other TV can say that. Not Friends, Will and Grave, The Big Bang Theory, The Nanny, The Golden Girls, NONE of them! Only I Love Lucy!

Lucy was the first woman to be pregnant on TV and you weren't even allowed to say "pregnant!" If she hadn't done that, Fran Fine from The Nanny couldn't have done it, nor would Rachel and Phoebe from Friends could have done it! Without Lucy, there would never have been The Golden Girls or  The Carol Burnett Show, there would never have been female comediennes! And to this day, none can come close to her talent! She didn't have to curse, or be immoral. Just being silly and totally wacky was enough to get that gut laughter out of you! No one can top her.

After her divorce from Desi Arnaz, she not only did two other TV series (The Lucy Show and Here' Lucy), but she also ran the entire Desli Studios and was a tough cookie. She made the men cower. She knew where every light was, where you were supposed to stand, how the cameras were going to shoot, she made it her business to know everything about her work. And the time and work she put into her acting is unprecedented. I think that perfectionist attitude is something I admire most about her. 

If you look at Betty White, Fran Drescher, Bea Arthur, Carol Burnett, Lily Tomlin, and Ellen Degeneres, they all have been influenced by Lucille Ball's style of comedy. Even the foul-mouthed Joan Rivers idolized Lucy, calling her "a legend." And they have all admitted to it. 

But no story touched me more than Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball. Carol Burnett's ultimate role model was Lucille Ball. She watched her on her television growing up and always wanted to be just like her. Year later, Carol was in an off Broadway play called Once Upon a Mattress. The second night it opened, Lucy was in the audience and Carol was more nervous that night then the opening night! After the show Lucy went back stage and ave her advice, encouragement, and above all, great friendship.

Lucy and Carol became great friends and Lucy had her on her show several times, and when Carol had to do a special that began her own variety show, she called Lucy and told her about it and before she finished Lucy said "When do you need me?" Carol didn't even get the words out of her mouth!

Lucy always sent flowers to Carol Burnett on her birthday. And in 1989 Lucy was in the hospital that week and everyone thought Lucy would be released. Then one morning Carol was watching the morning news and found out Lucy passed away. She died on her birthday. But then, later that afternoon, Lucy's flowers still came in the mail for Carol.

I have heard this story from Carol Burnett on several occasions, which is why I can tell it so much. I always love stories where people get to work and mentored by their personal role models! And this story is probably the best one. Below I have a video that really gets the story well and does justice to Lucy as a tribute. I hope as a master instructor that I can have the same kind of affect on my students as Lucy did with so many of today's "greats." I also idolize her work ethic and hope I can instill that work ethic to my training and in the running of my business, if I haven't already. And I hope I can make people relaxed and at ease, and remember to laugh, just as she.

Thank you Lucy, for the many years of MY OWN LIFE of laughter you have brought. In the words of Desi Arnaz "I Love Lucy was never just a title."

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

Start the video at 4:56

 

Don't Stop Believing!

Last week I went to a Broadway play with a friend to see Rock of Ages. For the record, I LOVED IT! And the finale was Journey's song Don't Stop Believing which a lot of people are familiar with when it was remade from that TV Glee. I really enjoyed the play very much, but I really really liked the last Journey song and of course, it got me thinking.

How many people do we know stop believing? Believing in anything? Dreams? Goals? Friends? Family? God? Themselves? People unfortunately in our society always come up with a reason to stop believing in anything. And before you know it, they give up on all hope of anything.

My old martial arts school's motto was Believe and Succeed, Attitude is Everything. I am only going to talk about the first part. Believe and Succeed. I think that really is the truth. When you believe in something on every level o your being, you will succeed at whatever it is you set out to do. Too many people around you though, or people in general are pessimistic and think they are being "realists" and that whatever you believe in cannot be done. Many people thought I could not open my on martial arts school. I was just there yesterday!=P

Don't ever let anyone talk you out of things you want to do! If you look at my last post and watch the video I have there, can you imagine if all those people listened to their peers who said they couldn't do what they wanted and stopped believing? Imagine if Lucille Ball said "Oh well I'm not funny and can't act. I'll give up." Can you imagine if Thomas Edison believed his was stupid and gave up on trying to make the light bulb? Can you imagine if Walt Disney believed the people who fired him that told him he had no imagination? I mean COME ON!

I had many people tell me I could never open my own martial arts school and I am proud to say it's been over a year and I have a blast every time I am there! So all I have to say to you all: DON'T STOP BELIEVING!!!!! HOLD ON OT THAT FEEEEEELINGG!!!!!!!!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO

The Positives in Failure

When I was twelve years old, I was a brown belt training in martial arts and I heard an awesome quote. "If you fall, you don't fail. If you don't get up, then you have failed." I almost forgot about that quote! And the depth of that quote goes beyond any of our understanding.

I have been taught to take calculated risks. Some people believe it is safer to not take risks and look for the easy way to get things, or take the easy way to live, or even find the easiest answer to a problem. But sometimes you have to take risks! And that is what I find more and more these days: People don't want to take risks!

If there one thing I can definitely say about myself is that I am a risk taker. But my reasoning behind my risks always came from the mentality that I never knew HOW I would do something, the only thing that matter that I knew  WOULD do something. That was enough! So no matter what the risk, I knew it would bring me somewhere closer to my goal. I've done it in my training, with money, when I moved out, when I started my business, speaking to people, looking for an answer to something, I always took risks.

I never wanted to regret not trying, whether it be with people or new opportunities. But I think most people are afraid of failure. Failure means humiliation, right? Well that is a negative mentality, and we have to get over our notions that failure is BAD. I don't even like to use the word failure. For example, I was taught in the martial arts the Confidence Formula which was:

 Challenges + Accomplishments = Confidence

How does this make sense? Well when we come across challenges in our life, or in the way of our goals, there are two things that can happen. We either get through the challenge and overcome it, in which we accomplish something and we feel great from the result! OR, we don't get through the challenge, but we learn something from it, that ether helps us get around our obstacle, or adds to our repertoire of life lessons and skills. Isn't that still an accomplishment?? We must always acknowledge those small victories and increase our confidence by taking risks in life!

 If I never took risks, I would have never met some great people in my life, I would not have my own martial arts school today, and I would not be going for my fourth degree Black Belt in a year. If you ever saw the movie Fired Up, a very funny movie, one of the characters says "You have to risk it to get the biscuit!" 

Look at our own history. Only people who took great risks in their lives have ever done anything great at all! And sometimes the "failures" are what made those people even stronger and even more successful than ever! And that seems to be a pattern, if you really research successful people. Jut watch the video I included to this post and you'll see what I am taking about.

Another movie connection: In the 2005 movie Batman, the first of the Dark Knight Trilogy, the butler Alfred would ask Bruce Wayne "Why do we fall, Master Bruce?" in which Alfred would answer his own question, stating "So we can learn to pick ourselves back up!" Food for thought!

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO

Keep the Essence Alive!

We all make our own choices. We choose what we do. We choose what we wear. We choose how we feel. We choose how much effort we put into things. We choose our responses to the events in our life. We choose our ATTITUDE towards things.

However, sometimes we cannot help that fact that sometimes certain events and people can leave scars and takes away from our experiences. They become tainted, in a way. For example, I had probably the biggest falling out with someone who was very much a part of my life for most of my life this past winter. It was beyond damaging for me, and because I had this individual so much involved in my life, nearly everything that meant something to me seemed to be tainted. Movies, Tv shows, certain music, going to certain places, etc.

Ultimately, I allowed the scar this person left on me, that is still deep and open, take way the things I enjoyed and loved, because I associated so much of those good times with that person. It tore me u, it was like I would never find happiness again, it only added to my deep depression. But the bottom line is, I chose to feel that way. I allowed this person to do this to me, by my subconscious choice. People are always looking for a way to put the blame elsewhere. Take responsibility and admit, we allow it to happen. We allow ourselves to feel that way.

I knew a group of students who did not like another group of students. One in particular felt that everything changed because of this new group, but truth be told, there is no reason the "newbies" should nor could take ANYTHING away from their experience together. When people create an ATTITUDE about something, they CHOOSE to maintain that attitude and then it affects their entire mindset and even their body language. They choose their mood, and whether or not they want to stay in that mood.

But I have come across a few scars that are consistent. And it is something I want very much to learn from, in order for me to become a master. And the lesson comes from MY old master. And it is not because he applied this lesson, but because he did not.

No one ever leaved my old martial arts school on good terms. Isn't that sad? I have one of my former instructors teaching Yoga at my school now and she sees the consistencies of how my old master had done people wrong and they all left angry and bitter. She still talks to old families she used to teach and they still have those bitter feelings now. I contacted another old instructor to invite her to an event at my school and she is so scarred from her experience with my old master that she wants NOTHING to do with anything related to martial arts. Absolutely nothing! I thought it was quite sad that he ruined her entire martial arts experience and that anything with the martial arts she associates negativity. It's a damn shame.

One of my best friends left on very bad terms with him and he made her out to be a terrible person. It was very wrong of him, and quite immature. And to this day, it is years later but the anger and bitterness is still very much alive. She has not allowed him to take away from the ENTIRE experience, but I know the wound is still there. She still acknowledges the good things, but it is very hard to get rid of the hurt and pain caused his his scar.

This past Friday, she ran into him for the first time in what must be years. He saw her first, and he awkwardly acknowledged her with a short hello how are you. And she said hey and walked around. Her stomach in a knot. And still being the immature person he could be, he would not leave where they were until she left, as to not run into her on the way out. I received five missed calls from her to which I asked when I called back "Who died??" I understood her queasiness and aggravation.

I ran into him this past December at a martial arts store and I was nice, not overly nice, but hello and shook  his hand (more like me putting my hand in his and wiggling it), and joked and kept things light, but from the time I walked in to the time he walked out, he did not acknowledge me once. He said not one word to me. My stomach was in such knots and the anxiety grew. Isn't that a shame when a person has that affect on you? I have to say, I did not allow him to take anything away from my martial arts experience, and I always acknowledge the good and positive things from our time together. But I can count dozens and dozens of families who were torn and hurt, and burned because of him, and several friends and students.

Just yesterday a mother and her daughter came into my school asking about my classes and the last question they asked was whether I was associated to that school he runs. I said no and they had such a deep look of relief and went into their story about how they left on very bad terms with my old master and his school and did NOT want to run into them here if I were associated with them. I could not believe it. If he had any positive effect on people, it was definitely overshadowed by his negative, and there are definitely more negative ones than positive in his case.

I see this, and it makes me think of the self-image of who I want to be as a master instructor. This is such an important lesson. I want people to leave from me with nothing but positive energy, nothing but positive memories and lessons, and nothing but positive achievements! I have learned from my old master how I DON'T want to be, and sometimes we overlook those lessons when we come in contact with people. I vow, to never become the master who ruins the experience of the martial arts for people, I will always hold myself accountable and practice what I preach. And for all those who were burned and done wrong, I can, even now not being a master, show you the light of what martial arts can do for you. Positivity can always be rekindled. And the lesson is, never let anything or anyone take away the essence of your experiences!

Easier said than done? I am sure. The deeper the scar, the longer it may take. But with our EFFORT in working at it, by choosing a positive ATTITUDE toward it, and changes our RESPONSES to those negative experiences, we can do so. It does not do well to dwell on grudges and bitterness. I am still applying these lessons from my negative experiences from he winter, and I will let you know how it goes. As I continue to learning to become a master, I will continue to share and put into action. Keep the essence of your experiences and f who you are ALIVE!

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO