Responses to Expectations

WOOOOOOOOOOW......I got a lot of responses from the expectations post I recently did. Some were very intriguing new insights, some things I agree with, and some things I disagree with. So here are my thoughts based on the collaboration of YOUR responses!

First of all, my mentor Lisa Sargese, author of the blog Lisa's Life Lessons wrote an entire blog entry in response to mine which I encourage you all to go read HERE. After all, it was Lisa's quote that got me pondering in the first place (that is her job anyway! To challenge my thinking as my mentor!--lol).

She begins by introducing us to the lesson of appreciating the present over past and future, yet not completely negating what we learn from the past to help our future. Although it makes an exception to the rules based on present, we don't throw away the core principles in which it stands for. What really stood out for me was this paragraph:

"Finding ways that the aphorism doesn't work
doesn't mean we should
throw away the truth of it.
That's where wisdom comes in.
We have to find the value and the truth
in something that confuses us.
We need to develop the wisdom to
use the lessons in the best context
without thinking that it will make sense 100%
of the time."

-Professor Lisa Sargese

Beautifully put! And yet she opens my mind to more philosophical questions I have on things like truth and wisdom. But I'll save them. Our brains can only endure so much! HAHA! 

The other point Lisa points out which I am in total agreement with was her response to the idea of expectation to draw things to you you as said in The Secret. Bottom line, the sole purpose of the idea, and I do not know why I missed this in the first place, is to have the notion that you WILL have the result you have clearly in your mind, but not worry about the HOW. THAT is where the attachment sometimes falls into play. We can be attached to HOW something happens and when it doesn't our responses to being disappointed in the HOW pushes us off course and we end up loosing the end result that we may most likely still could have attained. THEN that is here disappointment lies. 

"Sometimes acceptance is more important than struggle.
Sometimes struggle is more important than settling for what is.
Wisdom helps us discern when to do what."

-Professor Lisa Sargese

How wise my mentor is! Then she goes into how commitments to other people or other people's commitment to US, how we ARE attached. And people who break those commitments on a continuous basis, a pattern of behavior does bring us great disappointment. And I like how she said "we would be inhuman" if we were to have no attachments to lead to disappointment. But when the behavior is continuous, we as humans have the ability to make choices about how we deal with this lack of integrity.

My friend Jessie responded to the last post calling people, what Lisa says acting without integrity, disrespectful. I agree to this point, because if someone does it on a consistent basis, and it is made known to them, it is absolutely disrespectful to that other person. She recons I'll get tired of it. She said "Human beings fail us because of their individual plights in life and the differences that make up life." Now Jessie does not know who stood me up last week, does bring up a point about value. If people truly value you as an individual, they would be considerate enough to hold up their expectation as a friend, or employee, or family member, or student, whatever their role is. This person has stood me up many times and it is indeed disrespectful and hurtful. Yet there are other times where he is respectful and values me. Inconsistency? Or is the value greater when in one role but not in another? Another good discussion topic.

Then my Aunt Chris brought up some good points on the subject. She feels the complete opposite and finds the action not to have anything to do with respect. This I disagree on. The one thing I value of mine is time, and when someone disrecpects my time, they disrespect me. If it happens once, ok. Twice, aright. many times, it's disrespectful. And one time being respectful has nothing to do with another time of not being disrespectful and vice versa.

But Aunt Chris also brings up a fantastic point that no one is perfect! And besides people disappointing us due to not holding up to expectations of how to be as a friend, colleague, or whatever the role is, there are just as many times that WE as individuals have disappointed OTHER people because our expectations were not in alignment with OTHER people's expectations for us! AHA! Turn the tables around and think outside the box! Well done Aunt Chris for getting us to view this! She also found a quote by my favorite warrior, Bruce Lee: "I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine." She states this only to follow up with her own wise words of : "...we all live and learn..just don't lower your expectations [because] then you take apart of yourself away!" Good call!

So a lot of different views, and they all help me a little bit more closer to coming up with what my own lesson will be with this. And at the same time it opens to new questions and leads to other great things. Let me ponder a while. Thank you to Professor Sargese, Jessie, Aunt Chris, and the several other people who have responded via facebook, email, and messages! (BOWS)

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO