We All Have Hard

Two years ago I wrote a blog on The Hard. It was a concept based on the diaologue of one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own. Here is the dialogue:

Jimmy Dugan: Taking a little day trip?
Dottie Hinson: No, Bob and I are driving home. To Oregon.
Jimmy Dugan: [long pause] You know, I really thought you were a ballplayer.
Dottie Hinson: Well, you were wrong.
Jimmy Dugan: Was I?
Dottie Hinson: Yeah. It is only a game, Jimmy. It's only a game, and, and, I don't need this. I have Bob; I don't need this. At all.
Jimmy Dugan: I, I gave away five years at the end my career to drink. Five years. And now there isn't anything I wouldn't give to get back any one day of it.
Dottie Hinson: Well, we're different.
Jimmy Dugan: Shit, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great, I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Baseball is what gets inside you. It's what lights you up, you can't deny that.
Dottie Hinson: It just got too hard.
Jimmy Dugan : It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great. 

I know in this movie Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan is discussing baseball. But in my previous blog from two years ago, I discussed how the concept of "the hard" is in all aspects of life. Too many people in life face "hard" and run from it. Some will attempt to go through whatever hard is, but then say they "can't take it anymore" and end up running away in the end. 

The greatest people and pioneers of our history, from our culture were people who endured "the hard" no matter what. Many were bruised, scarred, battered, and suffered. But as long as they committed to going through the hard, they succeeded and only the greatest possibilities came through. As a Black Belt, I never give up. Persistence is one of the many overly used qualities I have, which can sometimes be a great fault, but I refuse to see it that way. 

I never give up on possibilities. I want to many times, but I don't. I never give up on people. I want to many times, and probably should. But I don't. Maybe I am naive. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. But who is to say my faith in people, my faith in the unseen, my faith in God, my faith in possibility, my faith in myself, although it has dwindled much, is invaluable. Yes it is HARD. But it is the HARD that makes it great. 

LIFE is hard. But Life is also great. Allow yourself to endure the hard, and great things come about. Give up and run away, you miss out on a tremendous amount of greatness. This is why people never truly feel fulfilled. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be fulfilled. I have a lot of hard to get through. We all do.

Who is to say that my hard is harder than your hard? Here's the thing, hard is not relative, hard is hard! PERIOD. Everyone wants to compare. There is no harder, there is just hard. We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else's hard, to make us feel better or worse and just sympathize the fact we all have hard. 

I have written blogs about how people end up wearing masks and avoiding the hard as ways of comfort, to stay away from their false securities and never face their "hard". Little did I know how much I was doing that in certain aspects of my life. I knew the lesson, and applied it to many areas of life. But there were some other areas that completely blinded me. When you don't deal with your "hard", stress builds up. That stress ends up mass producing cortisol and adrenaline that heightens your senses, heart rate quickens, and blood flow to muscles increase, beginning the fight or flight process. A very normal thing.

Stress due to chronic mass production of cortisol and adrenaline leads to depression, anxiety, heart disease, cancer, just to name a few. It is like holding a ticking time bomb inside of you. And you begin to implode from the inside out. That is what happens when you don't deal with your "hard". I experienced this, as all my blogs are leading up a a bigger blog in the future, these lessons are from experience and observation; from successes and failures. 

I get angry when people say "it just got too hard" like Genna Davis did in A League of Their Own and then they give up and run away. But it's normal. I have to learn that it IS an option people take. But knowing as a martial artist that sometimes facing the FEAR of hard means Face Everything And Recover, it does get me angry for anyone to give up. There is nothing TOO hard, there is just HARD. We all have it. And we have to face it. Otherwise, you live with the time bomb inside you. And it pains others to see it happen when they notice. 

Never give up just because life is too hard. People are too hard. Circumstances are too hard. Tasks are too hard. Jobs are too hard. It's the HARD that makes it all great in the end. Don't miss out on the wonderful things that can be. You will never live to fulfillment and limit the great possibilities you deserve. 

Don't run away and give up. Don't think you can never make a difference. Hope means Hold On Possibilities Exist. Faith is Feeling As If There's Hope. Give lots of HUGS, Helping Us Grow Spiritually. That is where we must unite together to help one another. Five fingers separated are not as strong as one single fist once the fingers come together. We are as weak divided as we are strong united. You're not alone when facing "the hard". (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

Lacking Communication

Do you know how many problems in the world could be solved if people just communicated? Now I know some people feel they cannot say what they feel, or they won't be heard or listened to. But you know what, when it comes down to it, who the hell cares. Just OPEN YOUR MOUTH. Say what you want! I cannot tell you how many places in my life I have seen people revert to silence.

YOU HAVE A VOICE! SO use it! Interaction fuels action! People say, why bother it doesn't matter. Or, eh it won't make a difference. I find this lazy and immature. Maybe I am different. I don't know. In my opinion, I didn't care how often I'd have to say what I have to say. I don't care if nobody wanted to hear me, I didn't care if I sounded repetitive. But I always knew that I would at least always make the effort and never had the regret that I didn't open my mouth when I could have.

My thoughts were out there, I was honest, people didn't have to agree, people didn't have to follow what I said, but I made sure I was heard. Sometimes to no avail, sometimes only to be spoken to in return with a renewed view of the circumstance, or even with a solution. Sometimes no solution was offered, but honest communication can go a long way.

I think one of the biggest hurts in the world is when someone says something and does not mean them. Or has a lot to say to a lot of people, but never to the person the words are intended for. It's aggravating to me and immature how people run their mouths and when the opportunity presents itself, even at several times, people still won't open their mouths. I do not respect that.

I have a flaw that sometimes there is no censor between my mind and my mouth, but the people who know me best, or the longest, know not to take anything I say personally because I say what's on my mind but it never takes away from how I feel about the person. There are some idols of mine like Lucille Ball or Walt Disney who had that quality. Even people in my own life like my Aunt Karen or music teacher, Mrs. Verost, who just said what was on their mind, the tone didn't matter, and I respected them for it.

What annoys me also with people when it comes to communication is not necessarily WHAT is said but HOW it is said. GET OVER IT PEOPLE! Grow up! It angers me when grown adults do this! It's a huge sign of immaturity sometimes when people are too wrapped up in the gift wrapping the package is in, but not what's inside the box itself.

This is a huge problem in our world and our society. People lack effective communication. If you have a problem, speak up. If you see something wrong, speak up. If you feel strongly behind something, open your mouth. If you're wrong, be willing to admit and say so. If you are correct, do not rub it in others faces. If you have a problem with other people, don't be running to people all over but not the person you have the problem with. People don't even have good etiquette when it comes to that. It's really sad.

Maybe schools should put more of an emphasis on communication classes instead of some other academic classes out there. It is getting scarier and scarier how people don't know how to talk; how to speak; how to effectively communicate. In Rotary, there were the 4 way test I think all people should use in communication:
          1) Is it the truth?
          2) Is it fair to all concerned?
          3) Is it beneficial to all concerned?
          4) Will it build good will and better relationships?
Bottom line: OPEN YOUR MOUTH. Say what you have to say. Use the words intended for an individual for THAT individual only. (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

I Dreamed A Dream...

Turn speakers up and watch this video.

“When you are living your dreams it doesn’t feel like work, but it’s important to take some time away for yourself. It’s goot to make some time for your own company.”

-Jared Leto

I remember watching this for the first time in 2009. I was living alone in my first apartment. My Aunt Karen emailed this video to me saying "This is proof that there is a God!" I was intrigued. I didn't know what to expect. So I watched it. It was an audition for the British version of America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent. Okay, so I guess it's going to be a really great audition or funny audition of some sort.

No. It was more. But I didn't know it. This quirky woman wanted to sing and become a successful singer. You was 48 years old at the time, and you can tell she was socially awkward. She didn't know how to joke, she didn't know how to be appropriate in a way, she tried too hard sometimes. But when she got on point, she was on point.

Everyone in the audience judged her. The camera got people's reactions, smirking, rolling their eyes, and making faces. You also saw the judges doing the same thing, laughing in her face, at one point Simon Cowell turned and breathed "oh boy." To a point, an outsider might have even felt embarrassed for her. But it didn't phase her. She stood her ground, and told the judges she wanted to be as successful as the British Broadway singer Elaine Paige, and was going to sing I Dreamed A Dream from the classic "Les Miserables".

The music began and then Susan Boyle opened her mouth. The rest was history. It was a stunning, amazing, absolutely pleasantly surprising performance. Her voice was strong, powerful, in control, and gave goosebumps. I love when the underdog overturns the odds. Susan Boyle became an overnight celebrity from that performance and was the favorite and began to live her dream.

I cried when I first saw it and I remember showing the video to EVERYONE. I remember showing it to Robert, Frankie, Andrew, and Jessie. And I cried each time I showed it, and I remember Andrew turning to me saying "Why are you crying?" like I was crazy. But truth is, it was more than a stunning performance. She was a victim of being judged at first sight, and an audience of people who thought she could not do something, and she proved them all wrong.

People are too judgmental, they label too quickly, and shame on anyone to ever tell others they cannot do something. And who are we to tell someone else that someone cannot do something, no matter how insane the goal is, how weird the methods may be. No one has that right. It is wrong.

I watched the Susan Boyle video during the time I was living on my own in my own apartment, trying to begin my own business. The "idea" of opening my own school was a trying one, and there were many naysayers. I remember one person very clearly telling me that I "would never do it." It hurt me so much. But it didn't matter what she believed, it mattered what I believed. I knew I would do it, I didn't know how, I just knew I WOULD. I dreamed a dream that was too big to be squashed by the opinions and thoughts of others.

I cannot say that I am as strong as I used to be then, but I have and always will be a dreamer. But I make my dreams come true. I don't give myself enough credit when they come into fruition, and I need to make more time to be grateful and acknowledge the blessings, before I dive into the next dream. So to all the dreamers out there: continue to dream a dream.

“Approval isn’t necessary. It’s nice when you get it, but it’s not going to stop us from being who we are. I mean, if I’d have listened to approval, I’d never have made it one day onstage. But to be criticized, if there’s validity, as upset are you are, you can learn from it.”

-Jared Leto

Yours in service,

MASTER A TRENTO

The Vault

"If you enslave yourself to the opinions of others, inhibiting your thoughts and actions, it is because you have no true regard for yourself. Other people must shower approval on you because you do not trust yourself; you must continually act the way you feel others expect you to act because you have no faith in your own standards."

-Maxwell Maltz

 

My Aunt Karen presented to me an ideology back in the fall when we were having a discussion about friendships, personalities, and behaviors. Aunt Karen and her best friend have been besties for I think close to thirty years, if not more. They know everything about each other, the good and the bad. They have experiences for a great deal of their lives together, some good and some bad. They have shared all of life's greatest moments together, some good and some bad. 

 

When you truly love a friend and have a lasting friendship as long as Aunt Karen and her best friend, you accept every which part of that person. No conditions, because no matter how pissed off or angry they can get with each other, no matter what pains and sorrows turn up, love prevails all no matter what. They know each other inside and out and know that the ONLY important thing that remains is their love for each other.

 

This is how it should be for all your truest and strongest friendships and sometimes people need to learn this. As anything we do in life, it is a skill. Skills can be learned, and of course takes practice. Some people learn skills quite quickly, and some struggle in the process of learning. Either way it can be learned. Aunt Karen told me of a situation where she may have has one of her "moments" with her best friend and they fought in a way only blood-related sisters could fight! When my Aunt Karen approached her friend with a cutesy "I'm sorry, I love you" apology, her best friend had only one response: "Oh, Karen, it's already in the vault!"

 

The vault. What a concept. I explained it to a few of my friends, but they misunderstand the concept. When things happen between people, sometimes they hold onto things in a grudging way. Grudges can sometimes be justified. Sometimes completely unreasonable. Sometimes the pain is just too deep. Sometimes it's only a matter that is of great importance to you and you only, but important to hold to nonetheless. 

 

When someone hurts you, or you are annoyed, or you have negative feelings from a situation or a person's behavior, you can choose to put it on the shelve to bring back later, allowing the negativity to live on, or you put it in the vault and NEVER take it out again. It is not discussed, it has no value. Using the vault is a commitment. Even when you want to take something out, you cannot and won't. People do not move forward when they keep things on the shelve to keep taking off when they want to harp and moan and whine, and dig up the pain and hurt that should have no power anymore. 

 

If the person is important enough, you will use the vault. Sometimes people come into our lives or have ill intent with us. We can still shower forgiveness and compassion (as any one person who prefers to live at a higher frequency should) but we can keep those things on the shelve to bring forth. When the characters are people you love dearest, you have to know deep inside that your relationship and positives you have with that person have to have greater importance. 

I know of scenarios where there is a longer list of pros and a shorter list of cons, but the cons can really hurt someone, making the pros clouded in one's mind and heart. That is where true communication (later blog) comes forth, and working things out. In the "working out" process, you need to incorporate the following rules: 1) all parties must take responsibility for their own actions, 2) all parties must take responsibility for their own feelings, 3) all parties must listen openly and understand the alternate party does not necessarily have to agree, 4) all parties must be willing to apologize. I believe people do these steps to a degree. But here are the amendments that add great importance: 5) all parties must put all negativity in the vault and agree it has no value for future interactions and conversations. THIS is a commitment. 6) all parties must discuss the things they love about each other that makes them happy and laugh. 

Without acknowledging the positives, it is extremely difficult to ever call them forward or remember them. They get lost in the fog. People say they remember the good, but the truth is the negative is too fueled and too much power and value was given to it. In the law of attraction, we are taught where we put our attention on the most, we always find in our lives and repeated. We wonder why we get and receive what we don't want, but truth is it is because we put all our attention on it. 

Too many great relationships and friendships have ended mindlessly and bitterly, only because no one ever used the vault. Be willing to be open, be respectful, let go of the need to be "right", remember the good, hold onto the love. You'll find life will be easier and better when you put things in the vault to get lost in the Twilight dimension of things that do not matter! Close that door solid to never be opened to it again. This is something I have learned with great difficulty and a lot of practice. I hope you can too. (BOWS)

 

Yours in service,

MASTER A TRENTO

The Academy Awards

The Academy Awards are like a holiday for me. I look forward to them every single year. To be fair, I think I have watched every single year since 1998. I never miss it, it is like a holiday. And before she stopped doing it, I used to watch the Barbara Walters Special beforehand. Her final Oscars Special was in 2010. I absolutely love movies and always have. I have a great respect for the art of film making and have a great deal of appreciation for the history of the movies.

I watched many of the Oscars where Billy Crystal hosted and did his tid bit beforehand. Of course he is the most famous host next to Bob Hope who hosted the most I think. We get to review some of the timeless classics, actors and actresses who are legends in the field, and stories that have touched us and have so much meaning to us as we have ALL grown to know and love.

I remember the first Oscars appearance after his accident where Christopher Reeves rolled out as an annoucner and was given a standing ovation that lasted three minutes. I remember Sid Ceasar, Red Skelton, and Bob Hope honored together at the Oscars. I remember Celine Dion singing My Heart Will Go On the year Titanic was up for all the awards and even sang Barbra Streisand's song that year when she couldn't attend last minute. Lucille Ball's final television appearance was at the Oscars with Bob Hope.

The Academy Awards is a time to celebrate the movies and I love them so much. I don't get to go to the movie theatre like I used to, but I will get my chance to curl up on my couch and get lost into a good story. I watch and love all genres and have all my favorites to date. I can appreciate a classic from early movie days, to a good 80s film, to a new animated feature.

Ellen DeGeneres was a fantastic host to the 2014 Academy Awards

I watched when Ellen first hosted the Oscars a few years back. I thought she was excellent then. However, I go farther back remembering her host the Emmys in 2001. They post poned it several times because of 9/11. In my opinion, Ellen saved the Emmys that year. She was funny, gracious, and kept everyone's attention. Well I think she was funny as ever, and absolutely entertaining hosting this year's Academy Awards.

Her opening monologue was hilarious with her jokes and jabs. Her changing outfits, including Glinda the good witch costume at one time got a good laugh. Her taking selfies the entire time, one actually making history and shutting down Twitter was classic Ellen in itself. But I think the funniest "ha ha" with her was her asking who wanted pizza, actually ordering pizza from a local pizzeria, and delivery boy having NO clue where he was going, and being brought out on stage to deliver pizza.

Ellen had the audience in hysterics as she ordered pizza and dragged the delivery boy on stage to deliver to the movie royalty.

Ellen had the delivery boy on her show the following day. He said that he was told he was delivering to producers and then Ellen came out to get him and he was shocked. She told him he was just going behind back stage, but then she pulled him on on stage. The delivery boy said his highlight was passing pizza to his all time favorite actress, Julia Roberts. And then later on the show Ellen was hysterical getting money from the famous actors for the pizza. Well she collected $1000 which she ended up giving to the delivery boy on her show as tip! Absolutely priceless!

I think one of my favorite Oscar moments was the very first award given to Jared Leto for best supporting actor. I have not seen his movie, and really didn't know him. But he had an absolutely beautiful speech. In my opinion it was the best Oscar speech I have ever heard. He gave a beautiful tribute to his mother (who he also got pizza from Ellen for), and he gave tribute to the goings on in the world and a message to people who could relate to his movie:

“In 1971, Bossier City, Louisiana, there was a teenage girl who was pregnant with her second child. She was a high school dropout and a single mom, but somehow she managed to make a better life for herself and her children. She encouraged her kids to be creative, to work hard and to do something special. That girl is my mother and she’s here tonight. And I just want to say, I love you, Mom. Thank you for teaching me to dream... And this is for the 36 million people who have lost the battle to AIDS and to those of you out there who have ever felt injustice because of who you are or who you love. Tonight I stand here in front of the world with you and for you. Thank you so much and goodnight.”

I am now a Jared Leto fan.

Jared Leto made one of the greatest speeches ever winning for Best Supporting Actor.

But those who know me best know my all time favorite actor is Leonardo DiCaprio, who once again was overlooked at the Oscars. This is my biggest complaint. This man is a fantastic actor. I have seen just about every single one of his except his newest Wolf of Wall Street. But he has not been nominated for as many Academy Awards as you may think, and in The Great Gatsby alone he was superb. In Titanic or The Aviator he was phenomenal. The studying he did in Gangs of New York was unparalleled. Blood Diamond, Shutter Island, Inception, there are no words for his talent. So I am annoyed my boy, Leo, did not win. He is WAY overdue to be acknowledged for something he so deserves. My other favorite was Meryl Streep, but let's face it, she's been nominated 18 times and won like 3 or 4, it's all good. Leo, your time will come!

Leonardo DiCaprio can do no wrong.

The musical accolades were fantastic. Frozen won best animated film and the song from Frozen, "Let it Go" won best original score. A well deserved award. The song was sung by one of the greatest musical talents of the day Idina Menzel. Not many people know her believe it or not, but she starred in the original Broadway Plays Rent and my personal favorite Wicked. She was has a powerful voice and such control. Even if John Travolta mispronounced her name when introducing her! Pink had me cry when she sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" when they did the Wizard of Oz tribute. She was also stunningly beautiful.

But my favorite moment was after the Memorium, when the legendary Bette Midler walked out and sang HER star song "The Wind Beneath My Wings." What a moment! She sang it beautifully, and I hate to say it, the magnifying moment as it was last year when Barbra Streisand came out to sing, Bette sang better than Barbra did last year. I also watched the movie Beaches earlier this past summer and hearing Bette sing her song meant a lot to me personally hearing it. Beautifully done.

Idina Menzel singing Best sinning song "Let it Go" from best animated film "Frozen.

Pink singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to tribute The Wizard of Oz.

Bette Midler singing "The Wind Beneath My Wings" after the Memorium.

I really enjoyed this year's Academy Awards. They were entertaining, music, good laughs, nothing too political, and still held the essence of what the movies do for people. For me, like I said, it is like a major holiday and I look forward to them every year. And now I am looking forward to what the following year of movies can bring to us. Good stories to get lost in, adventures we feel like we are sharing, horrors that make us think, love stories that make us cry, and comedies that have us laughing. God, I love the movies!

"You have got to believe in yourself, that's the secret. Even when I was in the orphanage, when I was roaming the street trying to find enough to eat, even then I thought of myself as the greatest actor in the world."

-Charlie Chaplin

Yours in service,

MASTER A TRENTO 

My Master's Birthday

Me with Sifu and Simo on their birthday

Last week, I had the honor and privilege to celebrate my master's birthday with some of his family and close friends who were able to attend. It just so happens that Sifu's wife (the wife of the Sifu is known as the Simo) has the same birthday as Sifu. We went to Cuban Pete's in Montclair and it was a night of laughs, fun, and love.

I had a very long month, and I get into that funk where I don't want to do anything. But when Sifu invited me to join in on their birthday celebration, my heart leaped. I was honored he even thought of me, but even moreso, I felt that I belonged. I really wanted to be there to celebrate these two wonderful individuals, but it was also a very much needed night out for me. I was so happy to be there for them both.

I know just about everyone who attended. Some were long reigning kung fu students who I have come to know in the last couple years, especially John, Patty, David, Andy, and Quaasim. And I even met a few new faces a little more. It was nice to be in a different setting and enjoy my time with the kung fu family in a different atmosphere, and they made me feel like I belonged right in there. Even Sifu said to me at one point "You belong with us," which put a big smile on my face.

I got to spend a little time with Sifu's mother and had a few laughs with her, I met Sifu's brother and sister-in-law, we ate plenty of food and had plenty of laughs, but I also got some personal time with the Simo! We kept taking pictures and laughing, and I heard the Simo version of how the two met. I am sure the Sifu version has some tweeks in it, or so she claims, lol. But the room was full of love. Sifu always provides an atmosphere filled with love and you felt it in that room. And the love between Sifu and Simo is such a beautiful display of love in the world. I wish the two of them many blessings in the upcoming year and hope the two of them had a very happy birthday! (BOWS)

Me and Simo

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO

The Flower Lady

Last year in May, an older woman walked in during the Trento's Angels' Black Belt test. She had a basket of beautifully wooden carved flowers painted and scented as roses. She was selling them for Mother's Day. She came in early one day, and many people walk in to sell things sometimes. But when I saw her, she had a warmth in her smile that was contagious. I asked her to return to the school when I knew there were a lot of people, hoping she could get a little business.

So she left and she did return, but before pitching her flowers, I was still in the middle of the Black Belt test and she sat down as a spectator. I remember afterwards coming over to her and her response to the test was unbelievable. She was in awe at what she saw these three girls doing, and she was so happy for them as if she knew them all her life. Black Belt tests can have that effect on you here. She said she would never forget that part of the test she witnessed. I was so happy it had such a positive impact on her, just by watching. It also made me feel good as a master instructor that someone could recognize what I was doing with my students and saw how proud I was of my girls.

Nine months later, I am working on my computer on a Saturday and I hear my door open. I go to see who it is and I see the flower lady has returned with her big basket. I greeted her with a big hello, recognizing her immediately. She greeted me with that same warm smile, but she commented on my smile. "I love how I am greeted with such a loving smile as if I am an old friend!" I told her "You are an old friend!" She laughed and sat down and we talked.

She is a very spiritual lady, and she couldn't believe how much I remembered about her from our brief encounters nine months earlier. We talked about my students, keeping busy, using our minds, spirituality, and how her faith in God helped her survive cancer. I shared with her my own story of dealing with health issues, and people I know who have done amazing things with their health. But a lot of it stems to gratitude and laughter. Thats what this woman was filled with.

After a long time talking, I invited her back to come sell her roses during Mother's Day week again. I told her my doors are always open to her, as they are to everyone. She looked at me and said "This is a very safe place here. It feels good to be here." That meant more to me than anything else. I am happy that this woman felt that safe energy of the sanctuary my school gives. She gave me her blessings and told me to continue the work I am supposed to do. And I will. (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO