Becoming a master is more than just mastering my martial arts. It is not only about mastering the basics, mastering the techniques, but it is about mastering your SELF. So as I get nearer to my 4th Degree test, it becomes even more prevalent that I take on and face some of the bigger challenges. Not just the ones that have to do with my body, but the ones that involve my mind and spirit.
Human beings are flawed and fragile. As a human, we make choices to see things the way we want to see them, we find circumstances that will prove our feelings right, and most humans will be closed off to other perspectives of a situation. I very much try to deny my humanity. I try so hard to not be the average human being. And I have done a very good job. I look at myself before pointing the finger at anyone else. I play devils advocate with myself before making judgment. I do a lot of things the average Joe or Jane may not. But the minute you don't, you become scarred by the bystanders! Because the reality is, I AM human. And when you begin a pattern, it is expected of you to follow through with it. I often get aggravated and say "why can't people ALLOW me to be human! Just ONCE!" But do I really want that?
In my moments, I may say that, but in reality I don't. I have made a commitment to myself and it's part of becoming a master.I remember when I was younger, my old master would ask questions like "Who wants to be Black Belts?" "Who wants to win gold medals?" "Who wants to become an instructor?" And of course there were MANY hands flying up and many people saying they did and wanted to, etc. Do you know ho many people actually did what they said they wanted to do? MAYBE, MAYBE one. I know I was one of them. But nine out of ten times, no one came through. The allowed other things in their lives to get in the way, or accepted circumstances they were in to stop them, or just plain and simple did not make it happen when they had the power to do so; wanting it to fall into their lap.
I run into that now in my own school, as the sole instructor. I have students who have said and say now even, they want to become Black Belts, or they want to win gold medals, or they want to be able to do a split, or they want to become 2nd degree Black Belts, whatever it is. And there are many who have not learned nor put the effort into learning how to accomplish these things. And when that moment comes when I say "Well I've done it!" I will get "Well I am not you." The point of my answer is, if I can do it, so can YOU, and since I've been there, maybe, JUST MAYBE I can teach you how to get there and around the challenges you face. But reality, most won't.
So I wan to be a master. I challenge myself, get out of my comfort zone, and hold myself accountable, and acknowledge when I don't do what I am supposed to or make mistakes. How can I get a little more consistency? Clearing up the Qi. You'd be surprised how little things in your life block energy from coming to you, and keeping old energy around. The month of February was a non existent one for me. I recycled a lot of old painful and hurt feelings from a year ago, avoidance in facing them, and dealing with memories and movements of the present. Training suffered, spirit suffered, emotionally I suffered. But I made those choices. Why? Because there were lessons to be learned, and clarity had to set in.
Last week, the energy level was very low and I was emotionally on a roller coaster. Then Monday, for whatever reason, I made an unconscious decision to clean my office. This is something I have put off for a long long time. On a side note, the office looked like word war three. I knew where everything was, but there was a lot of "Well I'll get to it tomorrow" happening, or "I'll put it away later" going on. It added up. I became so overwhelmed I ended up doing NOTHING. I was stuck in place. My computer was not working right, nor has it been for a long time. So once again, I finally decided to make head way on these little projects.
Well Monday I made a HUGE dent. I completely gutted out the office. I reorganized my papers, I put things away, I gathered up papers and receipts, I threw out A LOT of unneeded materials that were just sucking energy away, I was already feeling the Qi in the office clearing up. You can actually feel it happening. But it wasn't all sunshine and daisies either. I also ran into a lot of old things that brought back memories, and it made me very emotional too. I started off motivated and energetic with the momentum to hay-wired and crazed.
The task of cleaning out my office has been a four day process. Tomorrow I am hoping will be the last day of re-organizing and cleaning. A little more putting things away, dusting, vacuuming, and having a brand new computer moving fast and free and updated is utter bliss! My next task is to go through a few tubs of papers and organize and throw out from my personal storage. Then cleaning out the car. Organizing and cleaning up my room a little bit at home. These things will add up and really clear out my Qi and moving forward will be a no brainer.
Then the training will fall into place. I have a lot of catching up to do but the momentum will be beneficial in the long run. I foresee a lot of great things falling in place, as long as I keep the Qi flowing and allowing it to remain clear.
This Saturday I am meeting with Master DeJesus again for self-defense training and hopefully Master Balon on Sunday to review my technique that I have been working on since I last saw him. I was with Master Bardatsos tonight and I did sparring for 20 minutes straight with no chest protectors. Man, oh man! It was something else. I am getting more relaxed, and I am thinking as my Qi clears up, so will my mind, and my sparring will improve drastically. I cannot let clouded Qi hold me back from making great strides. The task is easier said than done, but I must hold myself accountable. And that starts with the small personal goals too. Like my sleeping patterns, eating habits, training schedule, praying, etc. I have a lot of studying to do too. Between my personal mental training schedule and the studying I do with Lisa, I will be keeping myself VERY busy.Then there is business goals. And I have plenty of those too.
However, I need to balance my life out by making "play time" too. I fixed my media player problem, and now after a year I can play my movies and TV shows that I like. No excuses now. The things I did before that made me happy, I can do them. So I say to myself DO THEM. That means the pictures will be done, I'll watch the movies I wanted to, finish Friends and Touched By An Angel. And the big one: Finish my personal book. Let's update and close it. It's time.
Clear Qi gives you clear focus. Now it's time to be a master. Challenge accepted.
Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO
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