The Gift of Kindness

"To me, the word kind or kindness are the two most important words in our dictionary that shows an awareness of what the other person needs. And that, to me, is really what's most important."

-My dear cousin Olegna, age 80

Last month at my Trento Family Reunion, my cousin Olegna and I had a small conversation as we were walking over to join the rest of the Trento's. She said that when someone is kind to someone else, that is the greatest gift someone can give. She said that to her, the most important word in the English language would be the word kindness. Or even kind. She told me how when people are kind, that there is this awareness that we have to figure out another person's needs. To Olegna, this is the most important thing in the world.

This conversation lasted all of 30 seconds when we were at the reunion. But I thought about it for a long time. And her words lay dormant as if waiting for something to hit me like a gong. That moment happened just yesterday. We went into the city to celebrate my mother's birthday. We had a beautiful day of events, one of those events being seeing Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella on Broadway. When I was a kid I have seen a PBS video of it, and remember enjoying it, but it has been YEARS since I've seen it.

The play wasn't exactly as I remembered it, but this time round it was ten times better because of what I was experiencing.  This entire play was about KINDNESS. And We saw it through a perspective of it being a great power beyond measure. At the very beginning, the prince's right hand man was a cruel and judgmental person, labeling people as raggamuffin and poor, spitting out insults and ridicule, based on the rags they wore, etc. Cinderella and the crazy old woman named Marie in particular. But Cinderella offered the prince water from a cup and the prince said "Thank you for your beautiful kindness" and also acknowledged what a true friend she was sticking up for her crazy old lady friend, Marie.

Later in the play, that crazy old lady friend Marie revealed herself to be the beautiful fairy godmother. Cinderella couldn't believe her eyes and questioned how she could have a fairy godmother?! But the Godmother Marie said "Actually, I am everyone's fairy godmother. But I only show myself to YOU, m'dear, for you and you alone have shown me nothing but your gift of kindness." Because Cinderella showed great kindest to the fairy godmother, did she appear at all and give her the opportunity to live up to making her dreams come true.

Another moment of seeing the theme of kindness in the play was when Cinderella was at the ball. The guests have been rounded up to play a game called "Ridicule" where two people would be matched up and have to jab insults at one another. Coincidentally, this is exactly how the kingdom was run and people were taught to behave toward one another. When Cinderella was up, she happened to be matched with her horrible step-mother. Her step mother said "Age before beauty....go ahead!" And Cinderella thought for a moment and gave a compliment about her voice and a compliment about her clothing.

All the guests were so confused to what Cinderella was doing. And Cinderella actually began to instruct the guests how to be KIND and share that kindess to everyone. Before you knew it everyone at the ball was giving compliments and being kind and it changed the entire scene of the ball, and it opened the prince's eyes to how he wanted his kingdom to be run. I thought ti was such a clever and uncanny way to tie in this concept into the classic fairy tale.

I think the most prominent point of the play to show the ultimate kindness was once the glass slipper was placed on Cinderella's foot and she was exposed as the one who the prince was in love with all this time. The horrible step-mother said that after all the horrible insults and behavior and all the wrongs she had done to Cinderella, seeing how her entire plan and life was turned upside down in that very moment, she couldn't imagine what Cinderella had in store for her.

Cinderella looked at her mean step-mother, the one who said she only married her father for money, that she's only been a nuisance since her father died, tore the ball invitations up so she couldn't go, ripped her dress before going to the ball, ripped up the only jacket of her father's left for rags, and working her beyond her limits; she looked at this woman with fierce eyes and said "Madame, I only have the three most powerful words of kindness for you: I FORGIVE YOU."

Well the tears began to well up right there and then. That was it. The ultimate level of kindness that Olegna was talking about. To have that ultimate awareness of what a person needs. And so many have preached how you forgive others for yourself and all that, but as Cinderella taught, kindness can make you believe you can fight for your dreams, kindness opens opportunities to making you believe in yourself, kindness can be as contagious to a ballroom of guests, kindness can allow people to speak positively with their voice, kindness can lead to forgiveness, for as I learned in the past those who live with no forgiveness live in a worse punishment.

This above quote is a strong one. I know in my past there are people who have intentionally gone out of their way to hurt me, some still do. I know there are people who I have only perceptually thought they were tying to hurt me because of a story I made up in my head. I know there are people who believe I purposely gone out of my way to hurt them when I haven't. The common ground is it all created pain for people. Whether it be ourselves or other people. Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is truly remembering but with no pain at all. Does that mean you cut them off at the helm? Not all the time. Sometimes for a time it is appropriate but nothing lasts forever.

And if you see people you feel have caused you great pain or you see people who perceive you as perpetrators of pain in your life, just be kind. I don't say "kill them with kindness" because that's the wrong intent. I don't want to hold my grudges anymore, whatever they are. I don't want to have pain anymore. I'm not going to need years of figuring things out and working hard, I am going to JUST BE because I choose to be. So I say to you. Join me in my campaign for kindness.

To all the people who have intentionally hurt me and for the ones who I believed to have hurt me, I forgive you. To all the people who believed I hurt them, I am truly sorry and hope you can forgive me. And above all I do forgive myself, no more beating myself up and regrets. It is a time to spread kindness, with no strings attached, but pure servant leadership (future blog).

Kindness leads to respect. I teach respect. I do assemblies on respect. Respect is treating other people they way you want to be treated OR BETTER, and the servant leader will do this expecting NOTHING in return. Just give kindness to better your life and our world. Respect also comes in the form of accepting people for who they are whether it be difference in opinion, likes and dislikes, sexuality, race, or religious beliefs. People are ALLOWED to like things different from you. People are ALLOWED to look different than you. People are ALLOWED to behave differently from you. People are ALLOWED to believe in things different than you. It doesn't matter if they're strangers, family members, or your closest friends. You respect and accept at all costs, and be KIND.

Olegna also said to me: "With all thy wisdom, have understanding. And of course kindness travels as a companion to understanding." And as the great Dumbledore said "Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." How true both statements are. The gift of kindness was reminded to me on a great level. And I share this with anyone who reads and hope you share it as well. I hope it helps us all remember to bring more kindness into our lives and world. For truly there is never a reason not to be KIND. A power against all measure against the "opponent". (BOWS)

Yours in service,
MASTER A TRENTO