To Care or Not to care

Whenever I hear "I don't care" I can't hep but laugh because of think of the classic ending of Who's on First by Abbott and Costello. "The next guy hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know, he's on third and I DON'T CARE!" "Oh he's our shortstop!" LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!

But seriously, is there a time to care and a time not to care? I am a very caring person, and can be very sensitive at time, because I take a lot to heart and put my heart and sol in almost everything I do. My level of appreciation goes to levels beyond most, and I care very much about people, events, memories, and objects with great emotion. I will even do things for other people when THEY don't care or appreciate it. It's just how I choose to be. A lot of people say, if others don't care why should you? Well it's important to me to be a servant leader, which is doing without wanting in return regardless, so I care anyway.

Then a lot of people act based upon how other people feel. Sometimes you have to be considerate of others, our of respect, or to be kind. But when it gets to the point where it dictates your life, dictates your well being, and dictates who you are as a person, that is when you have to take a step back and NOT care about what others feel because you don't want it to take away from who you are!

Then comes the point where people begin rumors or speak out against you or another person based on lies, ignorance, or to be malicious. However, I heard  a great quote recently that stated "Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means you are two steps ahead." I liked this saying. I never dealt with this growing up in my childhood, or even in my adolescent years. But recently, a former friend went out of his way to save his butt and took the high road out and began telling lies and create enmity among many people. Truth later peeked out of the fog over time, but there are still a few who are stuck in these lies and believe them and act upon them. It hurts very much to see such ignorance. If they were strangers or acquaintances,  I probably wouldn't care. But because these people were once close to me, it hurts a lot. And only my closest relatives and friends opinions and thoughts would I care about.

The lesson there is: "if you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!" We can all learn from this and should strive to do so. But part of letting go is NOT CARING. Why do we allow our egos to hold onto these things to make us suffer? Why torture ourselves because of other people's ignorance? If you know the truth, isn't that enough? Well maybe it should, but we all care about our inner circle's views because we invest a lot of emotion into them. Even though we are told "Don't worry about what people think," we cannot help ourselves. So, I read a monologue from The Karate Kid Part 2 that really hits the point on caring what other people think when Mr. Miyagi is dealing with lies he is dealing with from his former best friend Sato when he returns to Okinawa:

Daniel LaRusso: Don't those lies bother you?

Mr. Kesuke Miyagi: No.

Daniel LaRusso: Why not? People might think that they are true.

Mr. Kesuke Miyagi: Lies only become true if person choose to believe.

Mr. Miyagi put it beautifully! LIES ONLY BECOME TRUE IS PERSON CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT.  I did several blog posts about what is truth and we have come to learn that we can create our own truths and when we believe in them they become our reality. When other people believe in lies, they become their own truths. But Mr. Miyagi I think meant more about the subject person of the lies, not the outside people. If someone believes the lies about themselves that they hear, then it is true. So the old saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, SHOULD be applied. I have another view on this I'll save for another time. But ultimately, when we hear rumors or lies about ourselves we know are not true, we have to remember we know better.

So I am talking to a friend today who reads my blog religiously. I am flattered for her loyalty to me and in her following of my blog, but I was even more appreciative of the trust she had in me to confide in me things she felt I could relate to that could help me with the struggles I am currently going through. We discussed my inability to forgive one person and trying to let go and accept and try to get to the point of forgiving. The process has indeed been a difficult one. Then she said something that was SUCH an OOOOOOHHHH moment for me:

"You know when you will be able to let go and forgive? When you stop caring about it all." GASP! How much sense does that make right now!? I am struggling to let go, because I still care too much about what happened and still care about what those people say when I know better, and because I still care, anger remains. Anger keeps you connected. It's a perverse concept, but it truly does. I don't want to be connected to these sufferings. So I am beginning to see the progression I need to make. It's a progression because it will lead me to exactly where I'll need to be as I go through the process, because it WILL be a process.

I have to start not caring about it all: the lies, deceit, betrayal, the ignorance-- stop caring about it! I know better! This will lead me to understanding. Understanding the whys, hows, whats, and gaining that clarity that will allow me to accept what is. With acceptance comes recovery in letting go. When I can finally let go, by understanding all I NEED which will allow me to grow and become better at ME, as a master continues to do no matter what, THEN will I very well may be able to bring myself to the point of forgiveness. And finally, maybe, true peace. And even though I'll understand, I still WON'T CARE.

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO