A Lesson in Sensitivity

"We teach what we need to learn the most."

-Richard Bach

Have you ever had a time where somebody may have said something to you, not meaning to hurt you in any way but said something as a joke or just obliviously and it really bothered you? You know what that is like for someone who is very sensitive or overly sensitive? Working with kids for years, I can recognize it very well. But I myself am a very sensitive person. I hate admitting that, but I am. I sometimes am overly sensitive. Knowing this about myself I try very hard not to get offended or take insult to things that may be said to me, whether in fun or with no ill intent.

But then there's that notion that in jokes or in kidding around, there lies a hint of truth in what the person is joking about? Where, maybe, that person does believe what they are saying? These pop into my head sometimes, and unless I really do know, I do my best to shake it off and "get over myself." But sometimes chords are hit and it's even harder to shake off. When this happens, I know myself, so I isolate myself to an extent or just shut my mouth, not wanting to fly off the handle or be a big baby.

On top of that, the notion of we teach what we need to learn most comes to my mind. People often ask me after I give credit to my master for teaching me some brilliant lesson or philosophy, "How could he teach you such a thing when he himself doesn't live it himself!?" Truth is, we indeed teach others what we ourselves need to learn the most. Many times we find faults in people so well because we have them in ourselves. We find victories in others because we hold them inside too. Truth is, the lessons my old master taught me were so great and wonderful, but he really needed to learn them himself. So I acknowledge, although it may be hypocritical to many, I am teaching a lesson here on sensitivity knowing I need to learn it myself, and making an effort to do so.

The ones who do not acknowledge their need to learn something they try to teach and believe they know all and act in a way in which their behavior and experiences conflict are hypocrites. Those who teach lessons and admit they too struggle with the lessons they teach are the most honest and truest teachers. That is how I want to be. I believe that is what a master lives up to be. A master is not perfect but they control their effort in overcoming their struggles and controlling their attitudes and responses as they teach the lessons themselves. For the greatest students and teachers are the ones who experiences both sides of the spectrum that get the great depth of the experience and can teach it best.

So with that being said, a couple of friends called me funny looking as they were kidding around. But it struck a chord hard. I am extremely confident in my abilities and love the person that I am. But something a few people do not know is that I never thought I was a good looking person. Truth of the matter is anyone over 30 would always say what a good looking guy I am. No one under the age of 30 or around my age ever said so. No girls ever called me "cute" or "hot" or anything of that sort. So you can't help that over a period of time, you kind of accept that as true.

One topic that always comes up, whether it be a joke or not is my hair. I am like a cartoon character. The hair style has NEVER changed in all my life. It's been parted the same way for years, this little flip falls in front of my face, it's like trade-marked. When I was younger I had students who would imitate me and make their hair like mine first before impersonating me. It was a little attribute to who I was. Even though my hair is NOT who I am, people know me by my hair style. That is kind of funny actually.

What's not funny, at least to me, is that almost everyone that I meet who knows me for a long period of time tell me, it's time to change it. You need a change. Etc, etc etc. Why do I need a change? For what reason do I need a change? I like it, and that's that, no? But by people telling me I need to change it, and then joking about how I am funny looking, you get the feelings that something is wrong with how you look. Maybe girls would like me more if I changed my hair, maybe people would accept me more if I changed the way I look? These are the thoughts one would have if they have low self-esteem on the way they look and are oversensitive.

Well those are the thoughts that came up in my mind. Wow, everyone says I need to change my hair style. I was called funny looking by two people. Someone told me how to change my hair exactly as someone else described it. SO do I conform to what conform to everyone and change the style? Or do I stand my ground showing I have some kind of self-worth that "No matter what you say or do to me, I am still a worthwhile person" (Jack Canfield)?

I really like my hair, I have had it all my life, and I do actually like the fact I can say I have had the same style all my life and am known for it. At the same time, I never thought I was a good looking person, and maybe this would be a good change? Maybe I won't be "funny looking" anymore. Am I being too sensitive? When you are torn from something so simple and meaningless, it becomes an issue of whether or not you are in alignment with your values. Is my value that it doesn't matter what anyone says, don't change because other people say you have to or because you're wrong in some way. That you shouldn't change to "fit in." Or is the value, if you don't like something, you should do something about it. I don't like the way I look, but I like my hair. Cannot change my face, but I can change my hair. Tippy.

SO what do you think? Not based on how I look, but on the values. Should I change my hair? Should I do it soon? Or should I not change it at all? Or after my 4th Degree test change the outside look along with the title? Leave a comment.

Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO