Being on the Edge of Glory

So this morning working out with Charlene, she made me do this leg exercise with my leg on the bench and I would step forward with the other leg and drop down into a lunge. I hurt my groin muscle a little bit. Later on talking to someone, and of course not thinking before I speak, I said:

"I hurt my groin muscle with Charlene."
"How did you do that?"
"I had one leg on the bench and one leg on the floor."

Ooooohhhhhh let the rumors begin -____-. That was the joke of the day, always good to have a good innocent laugh! 

A couple years ago when I gained weight and was 179, and wasn't training and didn't have my routine down anymore after leaving my old martial arts school, I remember what it was like when I went back to training. I started out working out again in my Aunt Karen's garage. I trained there for three months but it was very difficult to push myself. Then when I finally started working out at the gym, I remember what my thoughts were: did I really do this to myself?

I was so disappointed in myself. My stances were not as low as they used to be, my kicks were not as high, nor was I as strong as I used to be, I was out of breath easy, I didn't like how I looked, I lost any muscle I once had, I was slow, and I couldn't do double kicks as well as I used to. It was so unlike me. And all I kept thinking about was, did I really do this to myself? I actually doubted that I would ever be able to recover and get back to the way I was before or better. I really did. And shame on me! I should have known better than to look through a negative paradigm!

I began getting more serious that August of 2009 but there was a lot of going back and forth fighting with myself. It was a constant battle. But by November, four months later, I was really getting into the groove of my training. I ate healthier and trained like a fiend. But I will never forget that feeling of doubting I would ever return to my "original state."

With that being said, that is how I felt at my workout on Monday with Charlene in the morning. Of course I am doing a totally different workout than I have ever done really. But those thoughts came back to me, and it brought me to that negative reference point: Did I really do this to myself....AGAIN!? It's almost like an ashamed feeling. Granted, I am NO WHERE near where I was two years ago when I started up again. But to have taken a few steps backwards, I guess I have to just get a grip on myself. Charlene is pushing me, and I am so grateful. When something is hurting me I laugh, and a couple of guys with these arms bigger than my thighs look at me wondering why I am having so much fun. Oh if they only understood.

I didn't like that thought that came about in my head working out with Charlene on Monday. I had to do a pull up and I could not pull myself all the way up. I lost so much strength. But there I go, focusing on what is lost and not here. I should be focusing on the end result of where I WILL be! Sometimes we allow our emotions to steer us away from where we want to go. And in doing so, we have to find things that motivate us, or get ourselves "in the mood."

One of those things to get me in mode is a song by Lady Gaga, called The Edge of Glory. The lyrics are actually irrelevant to my goals, but the title I have an entirely new interpretation. The Edge of Glory, that's where I was a year ago and that's where I am headed right now. Because once I am on the edge, I'm going to hold my nose and jump! A glorious jump! And, the song is very catchy and up beat too!

The definition of glory means a height of achievement, enjoyment, or prosperity. That is where I am headed. On all levels. Feelings like I had on Monday are going to limit me, so I need to block them out and do things that will bring me back to that high of excitement on this journey to THE EDGE OF GLORY, this new level of life to masterhood.

So this morning I walk into the gym for my workout at 6:45am to workout with Charlene. I was walking in, saying to myself "You are going to be a true master. You can do this! You are strong, you are fit" etc. Notice I put it all in present tense, as if it is right now. That is a key thing. Never say "I will" or "I'm going to" because its in reference to the future, and I tend to believe that is where it shall remain if you verbalize it that way. The psychology behind that is that it will affect every action, decision, word, and choice you make that brings your words to life. So I put it in present tense.

So giving myself this positive pep talk, I walk through the entrance, say hello to Charlene, and we walk into the gym to start our workout. Well guess what song was playing on the radio......The Edge of Glory! Well if that wasn't the most remarkable thing for me in that very moment. It was then, I knew that things are going to be okay, and I'm going to push myself and get to exactly where I want to be.