I do not know why but I have not slept at all this week. It's not a very good pattern. I think I have been running myself down quite a bit, but I also think I have allowed outside forces just suck the spirit out of me this week as well. Sometimes, if we are not aware, we allow negative forces around us penetrate through our positive shield, and then sucks the energy out of us.
I believe that is what has happened to me this week. I gave power to things I should not have given power to. It's okay, though. I just made a MISTAKE, and mistakes are good. If you don't know why I must refer you to my last blog HERE. But I do not believe this is a physical battle nor is it a battle of the mind, which can indeed affect the body. I believe this is a spiritual battle that I must face and look deeper.
Oooooo! A challenge! Here's to me putting all these lessons into action! Now is the time for me to allow myself to make the mistakes, take risks, choose to think in a positive way and ask myself the right questions so I can sharpen my focus to my goals! Indeed I have made a lot of progress this summer, there is no taking steps back. But I believe I am preparing myself for the fall training very well.
I have planned out all my training cycles and even the levels of difficulty I want to build up to. I have particular goals on the outside I will be attending to with all my mentors, and my mental training will be a lot of practical exercises and reading! You would have thought I was studying for a Master's Degree! Well actually I am in some way, HAHA!
So plans and direction are good. I just have to keep myself a sail until the commencement. Eating is okay, but this fatigue that I got this week. It kind of hit me out of no where. I went to bed at 11:00PM last night and did not fall asleep until 7:00AM!!! Only to wake up at 8:14AM! Not a good start. So let me see what I can learn from this experience.
Whatever is keeping me up, I need to address it and learn what I need to from it immediately. This is part of taking care of yourself. Not only exercising, eating right, easing your mind, but also cleansing your spirit. That is something I need to do. And of course keep positive forces near you as well. That is always a great help, and I think I have lacked that the last couple of weeks too. I might be a little too dependent on needing positive people around me, but that is only for now until I get myself to stand on my own two feet!
But another thought of mine is, I don't need to know WHY I am like this, I just know what I DO want to be compared to this state. Should that not be enough? Well if I keep up this pattern, a little more soul searching won't hurt! Sometimes understanding in the action or lack of, can bring us wisdom to our next action on our journey. So I pray and hope that I can be open and receptive to the lesson of this funk!
Yours in service,
ANDREW TRENTO
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