Properly Berated

"You are accountable for your actions, your decisions, your life; no one else is, but you." 

-Catherine Pulsifer

I am used to always being the one to hold other people accountable. I always help others when they say they want to achieve goals or certain aims in life. I am bluntly honest, and am very direct. I do the very best to do the same for myself, but there is only so much you can do for yourself. And often times in my life, I would say to myself, "I wish I had someone to do for me what I do for others!" Well I am so grateful I have JUST that now.

I have blogged about and complained about certain food addictions I have that I want to break away from so badly. I eat certain things as an emotional way of nurturing myself, and I overeat it, and I have caused my own body pain due to these things I eat. And recently, when eating these things, I have absolutely NO will power whatsoever. So when I am failing myself, I get not only angry and upset with myself, I get depressed, and my body responds. I don't wake up, I lag, I drag, I do not function. 

So I had myself hypnotized and have done AWESOME! I have not had ONE cookie....wait, that is a lie, I took a bite out of one in the last month and think I couldn't even swallow it, my body and mind totally rejected it. I was happy! I ate my apple with peanut butter and was beyond content! And PROUD of the fact I didn't have to fight a temptation because there WERE no temptations to fight! And then will follows with each success. However, I had a lapse a few days ago, and I didn't even realize it.

One of those foods that I was addicted to were bagels. I was so addicted to bagels, I knew ALL my bagel places in the area and I had no problem overeating them. Charlene would make me aware that they do count as 3-5 servings of carb for one bagel, which is not very healthy. She always told me they are on the worst things you can have, especially by the way they are made. She helped me ween off of them by doing whole wheat and scooped before I can get off bagels. Then after the trauma of this year, bagels found their way back into my life. I could have two a day, and one of my most favorite breakfasts were taylor ham, egg, and cheese with salt, pepper, and ketchup on a bagel. -____-

Well after my hypnosis I was great. This past Sunday at the competition, I saw someone eating a bagel and I was like "OH! Bagel...." and was told I could have one. It was one of the students' birthdays and instead of having brownies, I could have a bagel. That was the thought, but the suggestions that were put in my mind from hypnosis was telling me otherwise, and I went a little more than three hours of subconsciously just choosing NOT to have the sesame bagel. I did not realize I was making excuses. However, I have only had one hypnosis session, and my will power was weakening from hearing all the "But you gotta eats" and "You should really have somethings" and my mind making it seem like this gift was a better option than the brownie. I was hypnotized to stay away from those sweets and I was leaning toward the bagel.

Well I gave in. I ate the sesame bagel. It took me a while to finish, because my body was reacting. And I did have a physical reaction. The depression came over me, I was beginning to become very tired, even when we went out later, I slept at 7:30pm and STILL struggled the next morning. The physical response was there. But the best part of this action....I did it in front of my mentor Lisa. And what I didn't even think twice about, was a VERY big deal to her.

She came to the school the following day, and did what a mentor should: she "schooled" me. She acknowledged she understands the accepting of gifts, but took the eating the bagel in front of her as a sign of defiance. I don't agree, but I definitely understand her position. Understanding food addictions herself, and the importance of changing one's behavior to fight these temptations because we WANT a better life, she properly berated me. You may think "But it was only once!" or maybe you think "Oh he can cheat once in a while." But Lisa knows better, and she is ABSOLUTELY right! It is not acceptable at all. And she nipped the issue right away, not allowing much time to go at all! She made me aware and was bluntly honest and direct.

I sat with my head low, knowing I was a bad boy....and I couldn't be happier. It may sound crazy to you, but do you know how happy I am to have someone do that for me. I always was the one to do it for other people and there is only so much you can do for the self. But here I had a mentor doing EXACTLY what I wanted and needed: MENTORING! She held me accountable. And after the lesson there was a test! She put a little white bag in front of me and I opened it. What was in there? A sesame bagel. "You do what you wish now with it." The choice was mine to make, as a good mentor and friend would do. To allow the choice to be mine. I am thanked her so much and resisted the temptation. I passed the test. 

Not many people can appreciate what I had just experienced yesterday. But I am SO grateful for that. We should all allow ourselves to have those people to hold ourselves accountable and point out the things we need. The same way that girl at the deli next door would not let me buy the black and white cookie! A stranger was in on holding myself accountable! Lisa provided the lesson and the test with strong and direct feedback and then the opportunity to make a choice, because it did have to be MY choice. And she put in my mind, it is okay to make mistakes and that will be a mistake I will NOT make again. I liked the way she provided the lesson. It's something my old master would have done. Which makes me appreciate the lesson even more.

Yours in service,

ANDREW TRENTO